When I say Jesus, you say Jesus, say Jesus. JESUS!

By Heather B. Armstrong October 27, 2004

I just had an acid flashback to Vacation Bible School. Forgive me, Jesus.

225 Comments

jansell
2004/10/27 at 5:29 am

Yes!! Let’s make bracelets and necklaces and backpacks!! We’ll be rich! Jesus would want that.
kimberley
2004/10/27 at 5:32 am

I’m pretty sure Jesus would be down with that. Holmes.
Angie
2004/10/27 at 5:33 am

That’s the scariest thing I’ve seen, ever. The thought processes that must have had to occur for that to be maufactured, then actually used is just plain creepy!
spygeek
2004/10/27 at 5:33 am

What’s weird is, I assume the answer is “no one”, but I’m not sure that’s what the writer intended. Hmmm.
dustin
2004/10/27 at 5:34 am

..after hours of conversation with Ghandi and the rest of the UN, they decided on Kashmir…

Oh, sacrilege.
Veeg
2004/10/27 at 5:36 am

Oh, I want that bumpersticker. And maybe a t-shirt, too. Fucking hilarious.

The “Armstrong Clause” made me weepy.
Becca
2004/10/27 at 5:38 am

whoa
denise
2004/10/27 at 5:41 am

The strangest part of that photo is that it looks like someone took a BB-gun to the car and went after it.
di
2004/10/27 at 5:41 am

can i get an amen?
Dale Cruse
2004/10/27 at 5:42 am

In Boston, we have “What Would Johnny Damon Do” shirts.
Chris From Ohio
2004/10/27 at 5:42 am

As seen on the back of the car of an abortion clinic protestor…
Katie
2004/10/27 at 5:46 am

Dale Cruse, that is extremely funny.

I may be a pinko commie America-hater (actually, I really, really dig the Bill of Rights, among other fine American institutions) but, barring the obvious answer of “nobody”, I’d have to guess that we might make the short list. Given all the sinning and all.
Michelle
2004/10/27 at 5:46 am

And in Boston we also have a “Got Curt?” shirt. Not sure why we have to play a dedicated wounded pitcher off as a milk ad…any ideas any one?
Tracy
2004/10/27 at 5:48 am

France!!!!

Blue voter in a red state…
Monika
2004/10/27 at 5:48 am

Not all abortion clinic protesters, in fact most of them, do not bomb clinics, shoot doctors, or act in any violent way. The stand or pray peacefully and some try to give the men and women going in ALL the information they need to make an informed decision, like what the abortion procedure really is, and what effect it may have on them, which abortion clinics often do not provide. They do, after all make much more money when a woman stays for an abortion, than when she leaves to keep her baby or put him/her up for adoption.
Jeff
2004/10/27 at 5:50 am

Novelty and money Michelle. Novelty and money.

I live in New Hampshire and I saw someone with that shirt the other day. 🙂
Sarah
2004/10/27 at 5:57 am

Anyone who would presume to know the answer to that question is totally deluded, how the hell does anyone know who Jesus would bomb? Its like those people who pretend to know what was in Marcellus Wallace’s briefcase in Pulp Fiction.

I have my Canadian fingers crossed for Kerry!
Heidi
2004/10/27 at 5:59 am

it’s rain drops, not bbs and i think the sticker is funny (or sad, depends on your mood), in that it makes you think of how a lot of people in American society think today…by solving a problem (perceived problem), with violence. don’t like someone or something, bomb the shit out of them. bomb them until they come around to your way of thinking.
Sue
2004/10/27 at 6:02 am

Hey…other fun Jesus stickers include: “Jesus was a liberal,” “Jesus shaves,” “I found Jesus…he was hiding behind the couch the whole time,” and “I found Jesus…now it’s my turn to hide.” All of this fun stuff comes from Northern Sun (www.northernsun.com), which features tons more political, feminist, religious, and just plain funny stickers, t-shirts, and other stuff. Enjoy surfing the site!
jeanne
2004/10/27 at 6:04 am

I think the point of the bumper sticker is, in case you missed it, the irony of the “Jesus vote” being the same as the “let’s kill them all” vote.
slick
2004/10/27 at 6:06 am

jesus would bomb crawford texas. he told me so.
Daniel
2004/10/27 at 6:06 am

More importantly, who would Johnny Damon bomb?
Mark
2004/10/27 at 6:10 am

What is really annoying is that is a VW Toaureg and I want one. But the gas mileage is icky. 12 city 14 hwy! And it costs oh 35k+ depending. People like that should drive Yugo’s.
Fran
2004/10/27 at 6:11 am

Jesus is da bomb!
Stephen McKenna
2004/10/27 at 6:12 am

Jesus would make a great president…Of France!!!!
coolbeans
2004/10/27 at 6:13 am

In case Jesus is reading:

Hey, Jesus! If you’re going to bomb someone, could you bomb the people making that reality show “Laguna Beach” on MTV? Because they are bad people. They are terrorizing me.

Oh, and please don’t bomb me for watching. Thanks, Jesus.
G. McFuzz
2004/10/27 at 6:18 am

The “of France” lady should check this link out.

http://www.thenation.com/doc.mhtml%3Fi=20041108&s=facts
Liz
2004/10/27 at 6:22 am

I don’t have any inside information here, I mean Jesus and I are just friends. We keep business *totally* seperate from our personal relationship. But if I were to guess? And this is totally a guess? Paraguay.
Brooke
2004/10/27 at 6:23 am

I think the point of the sticker is that Jesus wouldn’t bomb anyone. My knee jerk reaction is always to the left, but this looks like a pacifist kind of thing to me. I’m an atheist but c’mon people, not all christians favor Bush and bombs.
Murphy
2004/10/27 at 6:25 am

I’m pretty sure you’re not allowed to use “acid-flashback” and “bible” in the same sentence.

you’re probably going to spend eternity in the fires of hell. and i’m talking about the underworld, not that burning sensation when you pee.

🙂 just kidding.

we can joke around here right?
or did i just seal the last nail in my pine box and now everyone’s going to write to me about how i made baby jesus cry and i’m a sinner… cha cha cha.
mari
2004/10/27 at 6:27 am

I second Brooke’s point. The irony seems to have been lost on a lot of the posters. Maybe it’s still too early in the morning?
LadyBug
2004/10/27 at 6:29 am

Heather,

Nothing to do with the picture, but…

I’m sitting here eating my Pop-Tart (Did you know a strawberry Pop-Tart without frosting is actually HEATLH FOOD? It’s true!) and thinking about that ho, I mean that WOMAN who sent you the hate mail. I don’t get it. What is UP with those idiots? I mean, she visits YOUR website and looks at YOUR photos and reads YOUR posts, and then feels free to get all up in YOUR ass?? What the hell?
You know, there are times when I don’t agree with some of your opinions (or those of other websites I visit), but I am mindful that it is YOUR website, not mine, and will therefore abound with your opinions, thoughts, and experiences, most of which are gloriously funny, laugh-out-loud, giggle-inducing hilarity! It’s relatively easy to enjoy the humor and skip over the political stuff (most of which is in the comments, anyway).
And, here’s a revolutionary idea for those who get all riled up about stuff they read here…..are you ready? ‘Cause this is so new and ‘out there,’ I’m not sure if some of the more sensitive visitors can handle it…..
If you don’t like what you’re reading, and you find yourself tempted to send hate mail or make hateful, narrow-minded comments about someone’s political views or their HAIR, for crying out loud….CLICK YOUR ASS ON OUTTA HERE. That’s right. See that little ‘X’ in the upper-right-hand corner of your screen? Do yourself and everyone else a favor and click it. Now.

Yes, I’m rambling. I don’t even comment very often, and this is by far the longest comment I’ve ever left, but for some reason that ‘of FRANCE!!!!’ woman really got my blood boiling this morning. I started fuming and cursing and just had to vent a little.

I feel better now. Everyone else feel better? Deep breath now.

God bless,
LadyBug
Heather 2
2004/10/27 at 6:32 am

Hey coolbeans –
I was caught watching “Laguna Beach” by my boyfriend, and he was not too impressed. But I. Can’t. Stop.
I was really bummed when Morgan (I think that’s her name…and yes I’m embarassed about knowing it) got her reject letter from BYU.
tiffany
2004/10/27 at 6:34 am

Hahahaaa Liz – hilarious.

My dad once honked at someone who had a “Honk if you love Jesus” bumper sticker. It was one of those “hey buddy the light’s green are you gonna go?” honks. The guy gave my dad the finger! We weren’t sure if that meant that the guy was an atheist who wanted Christians to honk so he could give them all the finger, or if he was just an asshole who forgot he had a bumper sticker urging fellow Jesus lovers to honk at him.

Then again, my dad doesn’t really love Jesus… maybe Christians can sense that somehow.
Ty
2004/10/27 at 6:36 am

Totally not about the picture…

Tracy, I love the way you phrased your vote…”blue voter in a red state” That’s perfect.

I am also a blue voter in possibly the reddest state of them all this election–Texas. I need to move back to Austin where Bush lost the last election 60% to 40%…go my little Austin liberals!!
Another Bleeding Heart for Justice and Equality
2004/10/27 at 6:36 am

I love that bumper sticker.

With all the “turn the other cheek” and “love thy neighbor as thyself” in the New Testament, I think it’s pretty clear that we DO know who Jesus would bomb. Nobody!

That’s the whole point of Jesus, as far as I’m concerned: Love Everybody, Goddamnit!

I hate how the religious fuckwads that are running this country like to forget that.

And before you get all huffy and offended, I call them Religious Fuckwads because as a Religious Bleeding Heart, I feel entitled.
Regan
2004/10/27 at 6:37 am

HAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh…that’s definately brightened up my day. Seriously, I don’t know who the crazier religious group is: utah mormons, or southern fundamentalist crackpots. you should see the weirdo bumper stickers I see around here!
TracyDee
2004/10/27 at 6:37 am

I think France is totally cool… they have that “je ne sais quoi” Meaning.. that they don’t give a rat’s ass what anyone thinks of them… they’re French 🙂
shana
2004/10/27 at 6:41 am

Ok, most likely the best jesus comic ever: (do not read if you are easily offended by funny jesus stuff)
http://www.combustibleorange.com/index.php?current=11

Of FRANCE, no less!

Dude, Heather, I think your hair is totally awesome no matter what color it is (and I rather liked the blond…perhaps she is just bitter she can’t color her hair because she is a FREAK of NATURE!)
erin
2004/10/27 at 6:43 am

Huh? The Toe-rag doesn’t even come as a TDI.

I love the way “France” and “liberal” have become the insults du jour. That’s what they get for providing the world with haute cuisine and the U.S. with social security! Damn Frenchies and liberals!

What’s next? Cats? Are they the new evil?
Beerzie Yoink
2004/10/27 at 6:46 am

Let me here you say yea.
Mal
2004/10/27 at 6:46 am

I love that most of the posters don’t seem to get the bumper sticker. It’s obviously anti-war.
erin
2004/10/27 at 6:46 am

okay, so the toe-rag comes as a TDI. my bad. unfortunately, i cannot delete my stupidity, so have at it, internet.
Lindsey
2004/10/27 at 6:46 am

What?!
rlk
2004/10/27 at 6:48 am

I’m a red voter in the dark blue state of massachusettes. yucky. I can’t even ride my bike down the road (my backpack has a Bush/Cheney sticker on it) without getting screamed/honked at. I’ve stopped wearing it, but I’m still voting for Bush. I really like your site, sorry about that crazy mean email. Not all of us are mean and vicious. I feel your pain, but from the opposite spectrum. Also, Jesus rocks but that sticker is absurd.
faith
2004/10/27 at 6:50 am

Jesus would bomb Bush.

well he probably wouldn’t but if he had to bomb someone……….
Amber
2004/10/27 at 6:56 am

Ummm … parts of Revelations lead me to believe that the answer to that is not, in fact, “no one” but something more along the lines of “the entire world”.

God did promise not to flood the earth again, but let’s remember that, yes, he has destroyed the earth before because we were bad.
Frank
2004/10/27 at 6:58 am

Another bumper sticker i’ve seen that i like:

Dear Lord, protect us from your followers. Amen.
Christi
2004/10/27 at 7:03 am

I have a TDI too, TDIs are cool!
Liz
2004/10/27 at 7:04 am

Yup, I pretty much agree with Amber. Really.