An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

When I say Jesus, you say Jesus, say Jesus. JESUS!

  • Jesus would defintely not bomb anyone, but GOD – now that dude will smite your ass!
    *ahem, just kidding God…

  • Emily

    What is the deal with “Laguna Beach” anyway? Is it a reality show or not?? It seems so scripted. And why is it SO ADDICTING????

  • Great sticker.

    Not all abortion clinic protesters, in fact most of them, do not bomb clinics, shoot doctors, or act in any violent way. The stand or pray peacefully and some try to give the men and women going in ALL the information they need to make an informed decision, like what the abortion procedure really is, and what effect it may have on them, which abortion clinics often do not provide
    Seriously? No, whatever. Because when I went to have my abortion, the protestors held up plastic dolls coated with ketchup and signs with fake fetuses on them, and they yelled out stuff about how we should turn back because we would go to hell if we went through with the procedure. Yes, that’s very helpful. NOT.

    And my clinic did provide three horus of pre-abortion counseling, as many clinics do, so that I fully understood what was going to happen.

    Don’t presume to know about such things when it’s obvious you have very little understanding of it.

  • I’m with Brooke too.

    As an owner of a TDI, I *knew* it had to be a leftist liberal making a point that Jesus WOULDN”T bomb anyone.

    A bumper sticker at work that bugs me to no end:

    WARNING: In case of rapture, this car will be unmanned.

    I always think:
    1) Jesus just *loves* braggarts, you self-righteous fool.


    2) I’m pretty sure a woman drives this minivan, so it’s unMANned already.

    Loving to bitch about blind religiosity.

  • Christi

    Um Erin, the Touareg DOES come in a TDI

  • Emily

    And yes… I am guilty of using excessive punctuation. ;(

  • Oh, by the way, my italics didn’t work. I was quoting Monika in my comment, before responding to her.

  • AA

    I simply have to hope this was someone being funny…

    One of my favorite Jesus stickers (wow that sounds wrong): What Would Jesus Do? Well, first off, he’d be Jewish.

  • amalita

    i was thinking of a t-shirt that says
    “vote for bush; surrender your bush”
    i’m going to make one i think.

  • Dee

    OMG Chris from Ohio what have you started?

    Monika, I do agree with the babies for adoption (been trying to adopt for 5 years) …. but as you know, it is every woman’s give right and a free country wether we agree or not, and the right to bomb the practice is a little too much for me to agree with.

    Just becasue people are selfish stupid beings does not give anyone the right to kill them.

    Same as war — I trully believe no one gave the right to kill the next person, there’s got to be better ways.

    Personally, I don’t give a rats ass who wins for President. The President to me is just a figure, the people with the money (we all know who they are) will end up making all the decision no matter who wins the election. Its all about balance, they can help 1% and hurt 1% of the population no matter who gets elected since its all a matter individual principles. One President will never be the right one for 100% of the people.

    Praise the USA – the country where people are in bed by 9pm and can’t allow their kids to play with other children withouth fearing for their life. The country where you have to pay $4 for a decent cup of coffee. The country where we don’t know or fucking neighbors. As many positives as the USA has the negatives impact our lifes daily. Go President! whoever the fuck you end up being.

  • kim

    who cares?? but i don’t care what he would do anyway, so.. but the sticker is awesome. especially since it’s driving around in utah (i suppose?)

  • judas.

  • BB

    Just wanted those blue voters in red states (including you!)to check out – make your vote count!

  • (Yet another) Tracy

    Someone gave my husband a shirt that says, “Jesus WAS my co-pilot – but we crashed in the mountains and I had to eat him.” Just another take on the Eucharist, really…

    Excellent bumper sticker.

  • How did abortion get into this? And btw I’ve had an abortion adn have NEVER regretted it. That’s a real thing that happens too. And I have yet to meet an abortion doctor who does the job out of some evil need to kill my baby for money. That’s just cracker talk.

  • fran so stole my comment.

    i gotta get up pretty early to be the smart ass around here now.

  • Colleen

    Jesus – democrat, repulican, green party, libertarian, or independent? could He override the electoral college?
    and as far as that “of France” woman…. what’s up with mocking people’s hair? what’s next… mocking chemo victims with their lack of hair?
    (Donald Trump obviously is an exception, of course)

  • Maybe they’ll start selling these in all the red states soon. I can just see all the bubbas in Texas driving around with these bad boys! Right below the gun rack and the “ain’t skeered” sticker.

  • God might bomb, but Jesus wouldn’t. It’s a New Testament/Old Testament thing.

    I’m another blue voter in another red state but I gotta say “votepairing” gives me the ethical creeps.

    I read yesterday that the French reconvene the procedure on average 137 times annually… the world average is 103… the Japanese average is 49 (and 40% don’t feel satisfied)… they didn’t say what the American average is, but I say:

    Oh, France!!!!

  • Amanda B.

    I’m not a Christian, but I dig on Jesus. He was so cool. Leave it to us humans to take his perfectly nice and sweet message and turn it into a clusterfuck.

    This is the funniest “poke fun at religiosity” site EVAH!!

    Hope it brings you JOY!

  • Em

    I am cracking up. JESUS!

  • Oh and the person who thinks our country sucks and the pres doesn’t matter? Go to iraq and say that to them. Or the Sudan. Or a kajillion other places where the water will kill you and most of the population sleeps on the ground. Spoiled brat.

  • I love how your website addresses the issues that no one else dares to go near. That is why I check your site every day, it’s like the intrigue of a car wreck. Too bad it is at your expense though,like what the occasional In France-type person has done to you!
    I also feel your pain. My neighborhood is a microcosm of Utah. All of the front yards have Bush signs, and here we are with a NOBUSH.COM sticker on our son’s Little Tykes station wagon! hahhahahahahaaaaaaaa (my mom was appalled)

  • Also have to go with Brooke on this one. Yes, not all Christians are voting for Bush. I stand as one among them.

    voting for justice.

  • Well Dee, it seems your comment was just a passive-agressive vehicle for calling women who have abortions “selfish stupid people.” I hope the child you so desperately want will grow up to have a more tolerant attitude towards those who exercise their right to choose.

  • >>it’s like the intrigue of a car wreck


    that’s the absolute truth.

  • Ty

    Just another little ray of hope about my Red Texas…in my neighborhood there are several houses with Bush-Cheney signs in the yard, but for about every 2 Bush signs there is a Kerry sign. And the best one of all is the 6’x6′ sign on stilts with balloons for Kerry-Edwards!! It gives me a little hope to see that. Not EVERY SINGLE PERSON in Texas is a republican.

  • Other Dee

    Um, I think that Jesus just bombed Ashlee Simpson’s career. And if that don’t make you a True Believer, I’ll be damned if I know what will.

  • From a Yahoo story on Evangelicals struggling over the vote (for the whole story, click on my name):

    Others are like Joe Urcavich, pastor of the nondenominational evangelical Green Bay Community Church, where more than 2,000 people worship each Sunday. He is undecided, troubled by the bloodshed in the Middle East.

    “It’s hard for me to say that Christians should be marching against abortion and carrying signs, and then turn around and giving a pep rally for the war in Iraq without even contemplating that hundreds and hundreds of people are being killed on a regular basis over there,” Urcavich said.

    “I’m very antiabortion, but the reality is the right to life encompasses a much broader field than just abortion,” he added. “If I’m a proponent of life, I have to think about the consequences of not providing prescription drugs to seniors or sending young men off to war.”

  • Christi

    I am in a ‘not yet decided what color we’re going to be’ state aka Florida, yes the hanging chad state! Now we’re computerized, oh the trouble we’re in for. We even have early voting, so not only are we waiting in long lines for flu shots we’re also waiting in long lines for that 89 year-old retiree to figure out how to work the touch screen voting machine. What has the world come to. My street is mostly made up of Kerry signs oh and Bubba for Sherrif signs, haha Bubba The Love Sponge that is, google the name, you’ll see what I am talking about. Ok, I have to get back to watching Ellen!

  • Tracy

    “Um, I think that Jesus just bombed Ashlee Simpson’s career. And if that don’t make you a True Believer, I’ll be damned if I know what will.”

    Praise the Lord! Let us pray that He moves on to Brittney next…

  • Fer cry ay ay … each day the comment section turns into “Adult Sandbox.”

    I only discovered a week ago and the comment section is already boring. Love the Dooce-generated/centered part of the website, though.

  • K, I’m voting for Bush, but patti, that is hilarious.

    I would die laughing to see your boy putting around in that thing. Pictures welcome.

  • Emma

    I’m pretty darn sure that that bumper sticker is saying “Who Would Jesus Bomb- get it? GET IT? Jesus wouldn’t bomb ANYONE, you jackasses! And it pisses him off when you kill people in his name! Now excuse me while I go buy some new socks.”

    Okay, maybe not the socks part.

    Maybe I’m insane, of course. But I think not, in this case. I’m a smidge dismayed by the irony-free zone above. 🙁

  • (patti in comment 73, that is)

  • I wasn’t going to say anything about who Jesus would bomb until I read Emma’s comment. But check this out:

    No socks, but “the rest were killed with the sword which came from the mouth of Him who sat on the horse [JESUS], and all the birds were filled with their flesh.”

    No bombs, but a lot of death.

  • Kyllikki

    i agree–it’s a silly question. i’m with Amanda B on this one. we take the ultimate hippy full of love and turn him into the masthead of clusterfuck. king missile had it right–jesus was way cool (i love the delicious cake bit)

  • Yas

    I think that it should be either:

    “Whom would Jesus bomb?”
    “Who would bomb Jesus?”

    Which one you are discussing here?
    Is this a trick question?
    I am confused.

    (I am not native English speaker, so helpe me please.)

  • Someone asked a while ago who started the abortion line of conversation… ::Waives a guilty hand above his head::

    For the record, I just have a sense of humor.

  • LadyBug

    >>”Who would bomb Jesus?”

    Oh, Lordy…that’s hilarious, no matter which side of the political fence you’re on!

  • Jason

    For all you people worried about the number of deaths from war and abortion: In 2003, 42,643 were killed in car accidents in the US alone ( Maybe you should spend your time lobbying for stricter licensing requirements (instead of handing out licenses to illegal immigrants – I’m from Cali).
    Granted, traffic accidents don’t incite the moral outrage of abortion or war, but MANY more people are being killed and injured. Yet war and abortion generate the fear and discussion – I can understand war, but abortion? How does that even affect you if you aren’t the person getting the abortion? Moral and values should guide you in living YOUR life – they don’t license you to go around judging everyone else’s choices or give you a right to tell them how to live. Live your own life and try not to be a hypocrite (like the guy with the Honk if you love Jesus sticker who is flipping off people who honk at him).

    And calm down about the firggin’ jokes – they can be funny even if you disagree with the point of view.

    OK, that concludes my morning rant (thanks, Heather, for the opportunity).

  • You don’t have to know a lot about Jesus to feel confident saying he would bomb NO ONE.

    And, also, why do such bitchy people e-mail you? I kind of hate that lady who called your hair a bitch.

    Although I totally love the Armstrong clause. That is fabulous!

  • The car accident effect: I don’t want to see it – but I can’t help looking. How appropriate.

    I have found Jesus to have an excellent sense of humor. And excellent fashion sense.

  • I feel quite certain that the emailer mistyped. She meant ‘i am from LA’ bitchIN blonde.

    And if she thinks that there are only two issues of concern in this election, she has been spending too much time watching Fox News.

  • lily

    LOL ewww you watched u’re baby poopy! eww eww ewww i gotta get that image outta my head!

  • …of france lady

    geez, you write a drunken email to a girl you think rocks (except for her presidential choice) and suddenly you’re the DEVIL. really folks, i’m a very level-headed open-minded person. i just don’t like john kerry. that’s all. i LIKE dooce’s hair color, I even said so. i just got a little overzealous in my opinions.really, i didn’t even think she’d read it. it’s weird that all this reaction is coming from my little email. honestly, did NOT mean to put out so much negativity. so, um… sorry. peace.

  • Mir

    I’m pretty sure Jesus would bomb… FRANCE!!!

    Sorry to hear about the Playdoh-factory naked poop. BUT. Be on the lookout for Leta’s attempt to join that most elite of all baby/toddler society groups, the Poop In The Tub Club. They get bonus points for being frightened of their own turd (as if it was some alien swamp monster coming to attack), by the way.

  • Dee

    You know Marsha, most of the population in Iraq may sleep on the ground as you claim becuase of tyrans ruling. I didn’t say I am for their way of living. But this country is not much farther behind … some of us may have our own beds and jobs but do open arounds alnd look around at those who don’t. I see it everyday which does not makes me spoiled. Those who don’t see it need to call themselves spoiled brats.

    Look around you and tell me the last time you got on the road without someone cursing at you or worse you cursing at someone else. We have all these roads and all these cars and we forget others who don’t – that live in this country too — I am looking at the big picture – you look at your miniscule segment of life.

    I am not trying to put you down here, just to tell you that there are things, many things that suck in the USA and unfortunately the Presidency cannot fix those.

  • Dee


    You misundertood my post. I actually said the opposite – that although I may not agree with it it is a free country and people have the right to choose.

  • Dee


    I have to say that unfortunately because of our diversity some people do care about what others do with their bodies and their babies. To me adoption is not a hot topic since I believe in a woman’s right to choose. However, it is an incredibly hot topic with a parent in my DDs dance class. The woman does not move on and the other day she was given a big shock by two parents that brought in very graphical pictures and articles about rape and badly deformed children. She was also given a story from a mother who was anti-abortion and whose DD was raped and ended up pregnant. The woman has not been back that I saw this past week but I would love to find out how she handled it.

    I think a lot of times we take sides with something we believe in whether or not it affects us directly.

    I’ve lost six babies (not to abortion) and can find a place to believe in women’s rigth to choose – I have no right to judge as I am not God or Jesus.

    Sad to say, abortion, war, all the bad stuff in the world in so many ways springs out of religion taken to the extreme – this in itself explains why so many people take these topics to heart

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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