An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Beautiful Blonde Outlet

  • meg

    I was sure by the title that you meant that Utah had a discount shopping center where Mormen could buy beautiful blondes at a good price.

    I still wouldn’t count it out as a possibility.

  • Meg: There is such a place right next door to Utah. It’s called Las Vegas, Nevada.

  • Lovely pic. How do u get that fuzzy look to your pics..i’ve wondered if it’s ur super camera or photoshop? (not the frosty type look u wrote about before but this blurred out sides type thing or um is this that?)

  • Em

    They are super cute. One might even say ELECTRIC.


  • Amanda B.

    Chris! I know you Did’N! Why you gotta be hatin’?

  • Em

    just noticed someone else used the bad “electric” pun. There are two of us! Eek.

  • Jean

    I love outlets…my favorite is the JCPenney outlet – I find great bargains there. (tweedle-dee)

  • I HATE SHOPPING!!!!!! Especially in any department store, outlet or strip mall. I’d rather die. I’m going to go bang my head on the wall just for thinking about it. AAAHHHHHHHHHH!

  • Its best if you use it in context: “Can’t get no bling bling cause my babydad is all up in my face wit da and chillin wit his boyz stead of workin’.”

  • red

    DOOCE….. was looking through picture archives and stumbled upon one of Jon with a beard. wow, is all i can say. you are one lucky woman.

  • Fish- is that really supposed to be black-speak or maybe Ebonics? Hilarious!

  • Amanda B.

    *gasp* I know you didn’t just say “black-speak”.

    Fish, sup dawg. Master of all Correctness in da hizhouse. Word.

  • Eddo: to answer your question, no, it wasn’t really.

  • Katy

    Fish –
    I need to see what the master of witty banter looks like.

  • Amanda “Vanilla Ice” B’s attempt is way worse than mine, anyway.

    I saw the Pixies last night. They were cool.

  • Katy: there’s pictures of dooce all over this site.

    The ever humble Fish

  • Jen

    I wonder what they’re doing currently. That picture makes me feel so grounded.

  • Jen wins!

  • Tracy

    Plug Chick’s smile seems straight out of a 50’s ad – accessorized by a frilly apron and heels, beaming into the open, fully-stocked door of her sparking new Fridgidaire. “I just LOVE the frost-free freezer!”

  • Amanda B.

    *rockin’ a mic like a vandal*

  • Katy

    Im talking about you Fish.
    Bring it on!

  • My bf made that same costume from scratch last year, we were a hit. She does have a pretty smile. Remidns me of jenny McCarthy.

  • monkeychick

    whoops, someone already made that joke. good one, Fish!

  • Colleen

    I want to know if he was a two-prong or a three-prong.

  • kim

    that is the funniest idea for a couple-costume ever! especially in utah. i guess. genial!

  • trudie

    this was our costume, too! the bottom receptical on the outlet actually has openings for the plug…

  • I’m so glad you didn’t say Bob Vila.

    I hate that bastard. Especially because of the way he treats Riley.

  • Bob SF

    Latter Daydar!


    Kudos to Markalope!

    (That must be the same feeling I get when I get served in an In-n-Out burger here in the Bay Area. Especially before Christmas.)

  • There’s a gas station two towns over called the “Pump n’ Munch.”

  • Sheryl

    There’s liquor store I drive by sometimes in Peabody MA called Bunghole Liquors. No kidding

  • David C.

    Ohm my God! What a shocking photo! And now I’m all amped up because of the puns. I do wonder, though: if he has an affair and divorces her, will she be a “jolted” lover? Alternately, maybe she’ll cling to the idea of their past love. Even after she has him arrested for battery. Which’d be a horribly negative end to their relationship. (Being Mormons, would they have to get their marriage anode?) I just hope they both conduct themselves maturely.

    Sigh. Okay, none of these are as good as Jen’s.

    Doesn’t mean I’ll stop, though. Bad puns are my bread and butter. When my battery’s low, they recharge me.

  • Katy

    Come on Fish!! Im serious. I want to see you! There are no pics on your blog. I love your writing style and think you’re very funny.

  • Katy: Digitally camerally challenged.

  • i am still puzzled at the “no tea or coffee” thing, so i did a little googling and found this, which was interesting and laughable…

    “Hi-I’ve been trying to find this out for a long time and hopefully you can help. I’m actually related to Bringham Young (as is 1/2 of Utah) but back in the 80’s my dad came home from work and said now the mormons can drink Coke because they have bought stock in Coke (or Pepsi). My girlfriend was mormon and her family still is. They all drink coke like there is no tomorrow, but look down at me because I drink Tea. I was just trying to find out why it is ok to drink coke and why can’t they drink tea (which is much better for you than coke) Thanks for your help-Eric”


    It will never make any sense. First off, not all Mormons will drink Coke, but most do. The “law” that drives them is the 89th section of the Doctrine and Covenants which says you can’t have “hot drinks.”

    Well, that usually is interpreted to mean coffee and tea. But what about hot chocolate? They consume great amounts of that.

    And can you drink coffee if it is cold?

    Or could you not drink Coke if it were heated?

    So, like all leagalists, they are left to fret over what “they think it all means.”

    Hope that helps. Jim

  • Katy

    Fish –
    Can you draw me a picture?

  • Amanda B.

    You’re all just floundering around the issue. They probably dressed up like that just for the halibut.

  • This is getting a little weird, Katy.

  • I’m number one!

    Enough with the first comment obsession, people! You’re never first when you say you are. (Except for Sven, of course.) But I get a little giggle thinking about the reaction of the “I’m first” person when they see that no, they were not number one after all. It can really mess up your day, huh? 😛

  • Yikes, DM, after you mentioned the Buffy “Hush” episode, I can’t help looking at the picture in that way!

  • Kelly

    On the topic of crazy business names, we have a chain of convenience stores called “Kum and Go”. Once, my husband stopped by one in Iowa on a debate trip with a bunch of his high school students, and one of them joined the Kum and Go Milk Club. Much hilarity ensued.

  • Amy

    That is a great costume idea. Very clever.

    Also, I am so relieved to learn that I am not the only happily married 30-ish woman who is absolutely in love with Norm and Tommy! My wonderful handyman husband (who built me the house of my dreams this summer) thinks I’m some sort of freak when I watch TOH.

  • Oooh, I’ve just noticed (I’m using Mozilla for a change) that everyone has a little number next to their name. I don’t get that when I use Explorer.

  • Amanda B.

    Open source baby! Linux 4evah

  • Katy

    Okay Fish. I’ll stop stalking you. I thought I might get a little nibble on my line but I guess these waters are barren.

  • the niffer

    Re: Buffy – Hush – me too Patti! Now I’m not only freaked out for the rest of the day, but the Buffy-longing has started up again. I think I’ll need to watch a re-run tonight.

  • Danika

    She does remind me of the Gentlemen too!!! Also like the niffer the Buffy-longing has started up again here too. *sigh*

  • Erin

    I too miss her.
    Buffy that is.
    Thanks God for the space channel.

  • Like Meg, I also thought the referral to “blonde outlet” was about a place to get second-quality blondes at low, low prices. Or a blonde outlet as an emotional exercise – like letting your blonde out in the way you release tension or anger.

    Maybe I should try to be a little more literal.

    As an aside – after watching the I Heart Huckabees preview, I have decided that Dooce and Naomi Watts were separated at birth.

    Now back to your regularly scheduled commentary.

  • She’s so purdy.

  • i don’t know what this says about me, but after reading your title i studied the picture thinking, “hmmm, she looks way more nordstrom than outlet to me.”

    fuck, i just GOTTA get out of OC.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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