An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Apparently, when I was a baby I looked like Jon Armstrong

  • I insist the Leta flag be waved here ~ option 2 caption ~ AT LEAST I LOOKED LIKE LETA WHEN I WAS A BABY! Do you bite Leta’s elbow dimples too?

  • I think you look more like Princess Leta than Jon. Such an adoable picture!

  • adrienne

    I like the hair sticking up on top of your head. Mine still does that.

  • That Kewpie doll curl you got goin’on is the shit.

  • Dre

    Wow! Always thought Leta was a spitting image of Jon, but — whoah! This picture shows that she’s got alotta Heather in her, too! So cute!

  • Talk about Tintin

  • On second thought….you sure you didn’t photoshop your head on one of those crochet-doll toilet paper

  • Em

    Man, aside from the baby photo I have a VERY SIMILAR SCRAPBOOK. (from the same time period, apparently scrapbooks were the RAGE!)




  • You definately do – how spooky! He doesn’t wear dresses like that though does he?

  • Sheryl

    Come take my hand and together we will ride,
    On the Wings Of Love
    Up and above the clouds the only way to fly
    Is on the Wings of Love
    On the Wings of Love only the two of us, together flyin’ high
    Flyin’ high upon the Wings of Love
    You look at me and I begin to melt,
    Just like the snow when a ray of sun is felt


  • what a cute Baby!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Sharon

    Sheri (#79), that’s exactly what I was thinking, about the bright side!


  • Brian

    well at least those 20 wings are sure to keep you “regular”. 🙂

  • Lisa

    Today’s Google Ad: Stinky Feet Eliminated!

    Heyyyyy! Who said anything about her feet stinking?? She just lost a sock!

  • beachgal

    I’m also impressed that Ms. Dooce can eat 20 wings in a sitting. I’m normally completely stuffed at 12, and if they are even somewhat spicy, too on fire to continue eating.

  • Andrea

    Re: today’s buffalo wings entry…did you realize you’ve found a solution to your constipation problem?!? 🙂

  • Angel

    Preparation H has a numbing/cooling effect on what I call lovingly “Hot Wing Ass”

  • Amanda B.

    Hot boiling diareah isn’t really an upgrade from constipation. 🙂

  • “Hot, boiling diareah”!!

    Amanda B’s comment is priceless, and once again proves that this comment page is the coolest around.

  • Amanda B.

    The Master of All Correctness is correct!

  • Dammit! Not only am I not the first person to comment on the photos… ever. I can’t even be the first to comment on the entirely hilarious phrase “hot boiling diareah” which I think would be slightly less hilarious if “diarrea” were actually spelled correctly. Kudos, Amanda B.!

  • Ty

    I so told you that would happen with the buffalo wings! I posted a comment about the after effects when you first posted about wings! My guy friends call Buffalo Wing Bowel Movements (BWBMs), “Fire Sh*t” …sound about right??

  • Heheh, Buckwheat!

  • Ouch. Ouch.

    Yes, buffalo wings will do that to you.

    On the bright side, though, you’ve found the cure to chronic constipation.


  • eco2geek

    Fish > “P.S. that costume was very freudian, don’t you think?”

    So much so that, underneath her costume, she wore a Freudian slip.

    (Ba dum pum.)

  • Maybe if you add 10 wings a day to your diet, things will sort themselves out in your bottom system.

  • beachgal

    “Bottom system” never ceases to make me laugh.

  • Me either, beachgal. I was just sitting here snickering over that.
    I was also trying to remember what movie it was where Meg Ryan (I think?) went to a costume party dressed as a Freudian slip. I think she ended up super-glued to someone? Hmmm…can’t seem to recall. Anyone? Anyone?

  • I agree with Cece. More wings are the solution.

    Yup. More wings, and then you can be on a first-name basis with the Roto-rooter guy.

  • victoria

    Maybe you should just have Starbucks set up a baby sock lost & found for you. (Did you lose the other one in the vicinity of Starbucks as well?) Given what they charge for lattes, it’s the least they can do.

  • Could be a solution to constipation though, eh?

  • I’m fantasizing that your post-wing shitfest face is similar to the face you’re making in the baby picture. Kind of a cross between satisfaction and horror.

  • rabooka

    Very good idea emdot!

  • jen

    I thought that was a picture of I guess she DOES look like you after all?!

  • Darwin

    Some scientist-person told me once that studies have shown most babies–up until about 2 yrs. of age–resemble the father, no matter who they end up resembling later in life.

    It’s a survival-of-the-species thing. Apparently dad’s less likely to eat a kid that looks like it shares his genes.

    So clearly, Jon is not your brother, but your father.

    Or maybe we need to talk to Freud, about picking husbands who resemble…well, you know.

  • Amanda B.

    How many Freudians does it take to screw in a light bulb?


    One to hold the ladder and one to hold the penis…uh, light bulb.

  • Michelle in San Diego

    I want to thank you for your constant promotion of Interpol. I wouldn’t have bought antics without your endorsement and I would seriously have been missing out.

    “ affecting the lives of people everyday in a myriad of ways.”


  • Love the Alfalfa-do.

    Once adorned my teacup poodle with gel, and got similar results.

  • Okay, I just had a chance to read your posts over the weekend, Dooce, and I’m truly flattered that I’ve made such an impression on your daughter:

    “She likes the fish, Leta, she likes the fish.”

    All that just for posting silly jokes about the girl with outlet costume.

    P.S. that costume was very freudian, don’t you think?

  • the niffer

    Now, is Chuck also related? Because he’s going to feel mighty left out of this incestuous family.

  • Foster

    Nope, I still have to say that Leta is 100% Jon, 0% Heather in the looks dept.

  • There is hope yet that Leta will look like you! Actually she looks very much like that picture.

  • Because of you and Leta, the other day I found myself walking through a supermarket with a baby sock in my hand, looking for the one-socked baby who was missing it. I found a mom at the checkout with a completely sockless baby, whose Mom had tucked the other sock into her purse, and she was totally shocked that someone came and looked for her with the mate in hand. Two morals to the story: One, your blog inspired me to perform a good deed, and Two, you are not the only one- or no- socked baby Momma out there, so take heart.

  • beachgal

    That is so sweet, Carrie.

  • Amanda B.

    *Call the police*

  • All this, and you scrapbook too? Mercy. My husband and I are getting more and more similar as the years go by – it’s like the saying about dogs and their owners looking similar…

  • Look-alikes run in my family too, but it’s oddly deceptive. For example, I am almost the spitting image of my mother at my age, who is in turn the spitting image of her mother at middle age. However, put a moustache on me and I look EXACTLY like my dad.

  • This is what you need to do. Step one: laminate that picture. Step two: make a laniard (sp?) (cough cough). Step three attach said baby pic lamination to laniard. Step four: wear that sucker around your neck. Step five: to next person who comments “he [sic] doesn’t look like you at all” brandish said laminated photo on styley retro i-went-to-summer-camp laniard and say “see this motherfucker?! i am so this baby’s mother and she looks just like me asshole.” Step six: think of other profanity to stick into sentence for variation and self entertainment.

    Repeat step five as necessary.

  • mrs. george #2

    Hey, what are “garments” and why would she have to take them off?

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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