An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Leta’s first mashed potatoes experience

  • Who has to learn how to smile? Lay off about the smiling people!

    And I know this is so yesterday but I thought of another name: The Little Dooce Troop. (That way you get that song stuck in your head *all day*)

  • Awww man, Just what this site needs, a visual refrence to The Throne.

  • Leta looks so cute! Feed me! Feed me!
    Oh, and what’s in the big jar next to the microwave? Looks like navy beans.
    Oh, and I grew up in Texas (even though now I live in NZ) and we had mashed potatoes for T-day too!
    P.S. Marie, don’t feel like a dork. The word “cache” actually comes from the French “cacher” because the computer is “hiding away” the images it pulls of the web for future use.

  • Jen L


  • You look irritated — like you want that food for yourself!!

    But your hair? Fabulous! I can’t get over how good it looks.

  • Nobody has to smile if they don’t fucking want to. Nobody smiles all the time anyway. And nobody is the boss of Heather.

    Heather – don’t feel pressured into giving the internet a big peppermint-fuck of a smile. We feel you sistah!


  • Reiko

    Facial expressions are closely associated with our emotions. Charles Darwin noted in his book “The Expression of the Emotions in Man and Animal” : …the young and the old of widely different races, both with man and animals, express the same state of mind by the same movements.

    *In the mid -20th century most anthropologists believed that facial expressions were entirely learned* and could therefore differ among cultures, but studies (eventually with people of the Papua New Guinea highlands who had not been in contact with the outside world) have supported Darwin’s belief to a large degree, particularly for expressions of anger, sadness, fear, surprise, disgust, contempt and happiness. Research has also shown that consciously making expressions can induce the corresponding emotion.

    Facial expressions are a form of nonverbal communication, and can be voluntary or involuntary.

    *Most people’s success rate at reading emotions from facial expression is only a little over 50 percent.* As has been documented on this site!

  • dooce has good posture.
    leta has chubby chighs.

  • Marie

    You’re yet another Texan (formerly, anyway) who’s a Dooce fan!
    And holy shit! If you read one of my earlier posts, I mentioned that “cache” makes me think of the French verb “cacher.” I can’t believe I was actually right about it and that my knowledge of French relates to some fucking computer term. Are there any computer terms containing words like “bitte”, “salope”, “praline”, “couilles” or anything close? Cuz that would be fucking cool!!!!!!!

  • wow…a new toilet, a pepermint-fuck reference and a class on facial expressions. Could this place get any better?

    AND to change the subject…
    Is anyone else going to do the December 26 things list from My daughters and I are going to try it. My daughter went over the list and she said, “I’m just going to go take a picture of your cig butts outside for the “BAD FOR YOU” catagory.”


  • wow, that’s the first new masthead in a while. i like. you look so serious feeding her the mashed potatoes! this is some serious eating kid…

  • Sheryl

    Marie, I’m a geek

    Baud – A unit of measurement that denotes the number of bits that can be transmitted per second. For example, if a modem is rated at 9600 baud it is capable of transmitting data at a rate of 9600 bits per second. The term was derived from the name of J.M.E. Baudot, a French pioneer in the field of printing telegraphy.

  • Marie

    Cool!! Any more? All of my French words were body parts, and I was really hoping one of them worked!

  • I think that’s the same look Leta is going to wear when she realizes her mommy wears a nerd watch.

  • Sheryl

    I’m also a smartass. Of France!!!!!!!

    *And those French, they lurve to defile.*

    Le fran̤ais РEnglish
    bogue – bug
    t̩l̩charger Рdownload
    cliquer – click
    *barre de d̩filement Рscroll bar*
    *d̩filer vers le bas Рscroll down, to*
    *d̩filer vers le haut Рscroll up, to*

  • Sheryl

    You were you hoping some bodyparts would work? Which ones?

  • montana mommy

    did anyone notice that fish had a little fishy on thanksgiving? sorry if the internet already discussed, been away for a couple of days.

  • only slightly related aside: a warning to dooce (and others) in light of her post earlier today: on today’s oprah, “abandoned and abused children”. that’s the whole description of the show, as listed.

    for crissakes, SAVE YOURSELVES!!!

  • hillary

    That looks like a cup of mayonnaise to me.

  • Meggiemoon

    Those tear-jerkers that Oprah features always get to me. My most recent tv-induced crying jag, however, was the Diane Sawyer special where Prince Harry was visiting villages in South Africa. When he was holding those AIDS-stricken babies I cracked like an egg. So upsetting! I called my boyfriend and blubbered for a good several minutes.

  • What’s in the crockpot?

  • Karen,

    I actually do know someone who smiles constantly! He was in a really horrible car accident and something happened…he smiles even during bad news. NO LIE!!!

    That being said, I’m sure Heather can figure out what she needs to do with her facial muscles without our input!

  • Oprah’s great for getting the tears going, but I also find myself sobbing from beginning to end of The Joy Luck Club. Gah. I think I’m a dork.

    I’m also guilty of bawling my eyes out at Everybody’s Baby: The Rescue of Jessica McClure. Dorknicity!

    I wonder where Jessica is today?

  • I’m assuming by Leta’s hair, this was her ‘first’ spoonful or her ‘first’ bowl…my kids all had the knack of putting their fingers in their mouths immediately after and looking like Johnny Rotten afterward…Hez(I hope you don’t mind ‘Hez’), you look great, and I LOVE your hair!!!!

  • On second thought, Heather, it looks like you’re feeding a bowl of butter to Leta.

    Mmmmmmmm … butter.

  • Sweetney, you warned us. Did I listen? I did not.

    Oprah-induced tear-up count so far: 2

  • Sue From Ohio

    That was supposed to read:
    ‘first’ spoonful OF her ‘first’ bowl…..

  • Jodie

    Montana Mommy: I saw that too!!! Hadn’t seen any discussion about fish in a while, so i checked out his site. There’s an adorable pic right there at the top.

    Congrats Fish!

  • Oprah is the devil! That lady causes everyone (including my wife)to go and buy what Oprah wants you to buy!

    YEah it might sound like I am joking but have you seen Oprah without her makeup? THAT IS SCARY! Her makeup team should be awarded an Oscar, Emmey(sp?) and the Noble Prize for best work with makeup!

    Run kids Run from the Jabba the hut monster that is Oprah!

  • Aaron said at 10:50AM, 12.02.2004:
    Are those pistachios?

    …thats what i’m thinkin’ this has got to be the largest number of comments in at least a month…

  • Sandy

    Shiz – I remembered just hearing about Baby Jessica this summer so I googled and found this…no interesting details however.

    This was more interesting and random:

  • Thanks Christy; elsewhere it says that the man who pulled Jessica from the well commited suicide. Sadness!

  • What is Fish’s website?

  • click on his name heather 2

  • He hasn’t commented in the past few days, though, has he? I tried finding him on a few pics, but got tired of looking…


  • marie

    The ones that I typed were “dick”, “bitch”, (not a body part, but my nickname, so that would’ve been cool),”clit” (actually, it’s the word for almond in French, but that’s what they call it in France!!!!), and “balls.” I’m a classy girl, huh?

  • Janie

    First time poster, etc.

    Just compelled to tell you that Leta is a beautiful little baby.

  • Sheryl

    J’adore clit grille!
    I love toasted clit, I mean, almonds!

    Here’s an online translator. But I could make it spit out a clit in French. 🙁 Clit must be slang.

  • Sheryl
  • marie

    I definitely guffawed (is that a word?) at that one…toasted clit. YUM!! It’s probably better than “praline brulee” though. (There should be an accent on that first e in brulee, but as I’ve already stated, I’m a computer ‘tard) is another *spiffy* translator site. My students use it and turn in unintelligible garbage.

    El(the in Spanish if you forget the accent) lata (tin can) mosca (insect) = He can fly.


  • heather 2 – *der* sorry!

  • its your fault that my wife makes fun of me for pulling the baby’s socks up to his ears.

  • Katy: damn right I’d give up my liver for turkey boy, here …

    and yours, too … what was your address again?

  • Katy

    Fish!!!! I need the labor & delivery story!!! Here’s my address –

  • A couply of obvious comments that have not yet been made:

    1. Mmmm. Shure do like dem sweet mashed taters. MmmHmm. Pass the mustard boy, or yer gonna get kilt, Mmm Hmmm. (ala Slingblade);

    2. Comparisons of what’s going *into* Leta (lumpy mashed potatos), with *what’s gonna come out* (lumpy … you get the picture).

    Hello everyone. For the time being, I’m making limited appearances, as I’ve got a lot on my plate (NOT lumpy mashed … potatos). I promise I’ll be posting the li’l fish’s grand entrance into the world soon, and I’m checking back at Dooceney Land as often as I can.

  • Love the new festive colours. Love Oprah. Nothing like a good friend to call in the middle of a tearful fit brought on by Oprah. You are truly blessed. Love you Heather. You make me laugh until I cry.

  • re: “couply” & other typos. I have no excuse, since I’ve figured out how to type with both hands and hold a sleeping little fish in my arms.

    He’s snoring. Loudly. And he’s only 18 inches long.

  • Oh and I love how Leta’s sock is so close to falling off. My daughter lost more socks than I will ever know.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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