the smell of my desperation has become a stench

It’s gettin’ kinda hectic

Last night after brushing our teeth Jon took it to the next level, that level being the wrong level, the level of lawbreaker. He broke the law, the law that says one should never start tickling another without first being provoked. It’s a well known law. Everyone knows this law. And he broke it.

I was tickle abused as a young child. My brother who is three years my senior and three times my size would sit on top of me, strap my arms to my side, and tickle me mercilessly until I cried. No one ever came to my rescue. Consequently, I do not like to be tickled. Jon wants me to RECONSIDER my stance on tickling. That’s like asking me to reconsider my stance on terrorism. Like, yeah, maybe it’s okay sometimes.

So I did what I had to do, the only thing I could do and I reached around and, you know, grabbed him. Actually, let’s just say I took hold of him. And I said, “Jon, I’ve got them in my hands. You’d better stop now.” And of course it worked. It always works.

Ladies, we’ve got The Power. All we have to to is REACH OUT AND GRAB THE POWER.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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