Best way to roast the broomstick. Must try. Five Stars.

Chuck’s Goddess of Love

Last night we invited our new friend Emily over for my premenstrual burritos and beans. We’ve never really had a chance to sit down and talk to her for an extended period because she usually shows up, gives Chuck kisses, and then takes Chuck in her car to the park with her other dogs. I knew that Chuck loved her, but I HAD NO IDEA just how much he loved her until she walked in the door last night.

A quick reenactment:

Emily walks in the door looking astoundingly radiant. Jon and I look homeless and about to start our periods. Chuck is in the basement and smells Emily in the house, comes bounding up the stairs overturning rugs and chairs, and then flips in the air several times while making a noise very similar in tone to EEEEK EEEEK EEEEK EEEEK EEEEK EEEEK EEEEK.

Unaware that Emily is actually staying in the house and not taking him to the park, Chuck continues EEEEK EEEEK EEEEK EEEEK EEEEK EEEEK EEEEKing. Afraid that he might wake the baby I let him outside for a second where he runs to the street and tries to jump into the nearest car. The nearest car, of course, is parked and all its doors and windows are closed, so he keeps flinging his body against a rolled-up window. It wasn’t even Emily’s car.

Jon had to sit on top of Chuck for most of the dinner so that he wouldn’t jump on top of Emily and curl himself around her head. The weight of Jon’s body, however, didn’t prevent Chuck from hyperventilating with joy, and consequently Chuck developed a severe case of the hiccups.

HE STILL HAD THE HICCUPS THIS MORNING.

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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