Heater, Mother of Lance

Scrumptious Bearded… oh wait! YOU’RE NOT MY FATHER!

  • Jimmy

    2004/12/23 at 4:58 am

    Sweet, first baby

    Hope you’re all following the Ukrainian election, sunday, sunday, SUNDAY!!

  • Gretchen

    2004/12/23 at 4:59 am

    OH my I remember those days!

  • Bob

    2004/12/23 at 4:59 am

    2nd wow!

  • leyla

    2004/12/23 at 5:00 am

    basketball player in the making. . ?

  • Lurch

    2004/12/23 at 5:01 am

    I remember being terriified of him too!

    Happy holidays from Brighton, UK!

  • Jules

    2004/12/23 at 5:01 am


    (;3 Happy Holidays!

  • Shazzle

    2004/12/23 at 5:03 am

    That’s the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen in my life. Ever. Next year’s Christmas card?

  • Lisa

    2004/12/23 at 5:03 am

    That’s great. Makes me wonder how long it took her to reach for you.

    Happy Holidays.

  • Sarah

    2004/12/23 at 5:04 am

    Wow, that is a great Santa! I mean, he looks very authentic don’t you think?

    Very, very cute…thanks for not disappointing the masses here! I love how the red on the bottom of her shoe sort of pulls the whole image together. Compositionally, I mean.

  • Mr Biscuit

    2004/12/23 at 5:05 am

    At least Santa looks happy!

  • Jena

    2004/12/23 at 5:07 am

    TOO CUTE! You are a very lucky mommy, she is adorable.

    Merry Christmas!

  • Sasha

    2004/12/23 at 5:09 am


  • David

    2004/12/23 at 5:11 am

    That’s an early age to suss out that he’s a fake. Respect, Leta.

  • Jess

    2004/12/23 at 5:12 am

    Andrew, that scary santa gallery is AWESOME. I’m wiping away the tears of laughter now. *dab dab*

  • Cheryl

    2004/12/23 at 5:13 am

    Oh so that’s how it went… thanks for the update Dooce.

  • lulu cornichon

    2004/12/23 at 5:13 am

    Santa’s got a right sporty watch, there. I guess it makes sense that the Utah Santas are more outdoorsy than the New England Santas.

  • Fran

    2004/12/23 at 5:15 am

    Oh, poor Leta. That looks like a scary experience.

  • chickenflicken

    2004/12/23 at 5:15 am

    Since when does SANTA CLAUS wear such a hi-tech black and silver spaceship of a watch?! Shouldn’t it be a pocket watch or something equally quaint?

  • Carolyn

    2004/12/23 at 5:15 am

    Ah, the frantic get-me-off-Santa photo! She is so cute. We don’t do the Santa thing, so I missed out on such photos.

  • melissa

    2004/12/23 at 5:15 am
  • Kieran

    2004/12/23 at 5:17 am

    I didnt know Santa wore those Nike sport watches

  • Helen

    2004/12/23 at 5:19 am


    Aw, bless her. That’s an adorable picture.

  • bushra

    2004/12/23 at 5:19 am

    heather. the pictures are too sweet. more!

  • sally

    2004/12/23 at 5:21 am

    Here is a link to scared santa photos. They are great. Go visit the site.

  • Scott

    2004/12/23 at 5:22 am

    Awesome picture. Leta looks like she is about to cartwheel right off his leg and backhandspring into your arms.

  • Beth

    2004/12/23 at 5:22 am

    That is so freaking sweet. And he’s a super Santa!

  • heathertoo

    2004/12/23 at 5:23 am

    And she is in pink with two socks, and two shoes! Best one yet!

  • kEma

    2004/12/23 at 5:23 am

    Scrumptious BABY, afraid of Santa. Leta .. Leta you have no idea how after years you will beg to be on his lap, and to be able to touch his beard, without being desturbed by the fact that he is DAMN PHONEY!

  • Monica

    2004/12/23 at 5:23 am

    I love how her legs are sticking straight out like she doesn’t want to touch one more square inch of Santa then is required…

  • Cammie

    2004/12/23 at 5:24 am

    I’ve been Dooced. 🙁

  • Sarah

    2004/12/23 at 5:24 am

    Wow…how many times is the scared santa photo link going to be posted?? It was posted at least twice yesterday, I think. LOL!

    We are obviously a group that gets an inordinate amount of pleasure from seeing pictures of kids terrified.

  • JuJuBee

    2004/12/23 at 5:24 am

    Ahahaha! Great picture!! Poor little Leta…she musta been so confused.

  • Sara from WI

    2004/12/23 at 5:26 am

    I like how her fingers are curled back, like she’s pulling on your invisible reins.

  • Steve

    2004/12/23 at 5:30 am

    Hmmm…Santa…Santa…S-A-N-T-A…S-A-T-A-N…Feets, don’t fail me now!

  • Girl.A

    2004/12/23 at 5:31 am

    Santa doesn’t smell like Daddy either – that peppermint schnaaaaaaps breath and the blinding white beard are terrifying. I know, I just had my picture taken with Santa yesterday. It’s part of my therapy for Kringlephobia.

    When I was 5 I punch Santa in the sack because he was so much bigger than me and I figured only monsters dressed like that in real life. Yesterday I stomped on his toe because he told me I had a nice ass.

  • Mir

    2004/12/23 at 5:31 am

    That is hilarious. Leta will so enjoy you showing that photo to her boyfriends in high school.

  • Another Dooced one

    2004/12/23 at 5:32 am

    Sorry Cammie! I got dooced Dec 1, so I’m right there with ya. Relax for now and try to enjoy the holidays.

    Dooce, great picture to blackmail her with when she’s older!

    Merry Christmas to all…

  • Becky

    2004/12/23 at 5:35 am

    When Miss Leta reaches her teens, and tells you to get out of her space, you’ll have this perfect photo to remind yourself that there was a time when she wanted nothing on the planet more than to have you IN her space. Look at those precious, tiny fingers, pulling you closer to her with sheer will. Another moment exquisitely captured!

    (BTW — this Santa matches my own mental image of exactly what Santa must look like. Thanks for letting me believe all over again! :>D )

  • Mo

    2004/12/23 at 5:38 am

    not my daddy…AND NOT GEORGE EITHER!!! WTF, Mom? W.T.F?


  • Stacey

    2004/12/23 at 5:38 am

    So freaking cute!

  • Liv

    2004/12/23 at 5:39 am

    Very cute!

  • lauragayle

    2004/12/23 at 5:39 am

    Lovely! You’ll never have to worry about her running off with a jolly old elf…

  • Liz

    2004/12/23 at 5:40 am

    That is not a happy camper.

  • Ali

    2004/12/23 at 5:43 am

    Aw. I think it’s a rite of passage for every baby to have the “GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME SANTA” picture. I know I had one, except I bit Santa.

  • LadyBug

    2004/12/23 at 5:45 am

    LOVE this picture. And that’s one of the best mall Santas I’ve ever seen.

    When my oldest daughter was almost 2, and her sister (now 6) was a baby, the mall Santa was a _tiny_ little Spanish man, who didn’t seem to speak or understand English and looked about as much like Santa as *I* do. We’ve always affectionately referred to him as Pépé Santa.

  • catdog

    2004/12/23 at 5:46 am

    happpy christmas from edinburgh

  • Mrs.Stray

    2004/12/23 at 5:47 am

    Santa’s watch is almost as big as yours. He looks like he is taking joy in the fact that Leta is trying to escape his grasp, and can’t.

    AAAW Babies First Christmas!!!! Joy!! It usually involves the eating of wrapping paper, playing with boxes, and caring less what toys are in said boxes. Boxes. heh.

  • Dawn

    2004/12/23 at 5:49 am

    Moooooooom!!!! Do you feel the love? Happy Holidays!

  • Linda

    2004/12/23 at 5:49 am

    Very cute!

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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