the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Merry Christmas Eve… FROM MY BUTT!

  • elli

    2004/12/24 at 4:37 am


  • Jess from Buffalo

    2004/12/24 at 4:38 am

    Looks like Santa got his Christmas present early!

  • Mary

    2004/12/24 at 4:38 am

    perhaps first 🙂
    cutely clenched cheeks, Heather, and Merry Christmas !

  • Zak

    2004/12/24 at 4:39 am

    Does this qualify as naughty or nice?

  • the husband

    2004/12/24 at 4:40 am

    Actually, I got my christmas present early. I knew the millisecond after I took this, that it would be seen by the world.

    I’m gonna say it, because it’s true: You have a great butt!

    I love you, Heather!

  • ali

    2004/12/24 at 4:40 am

    wow im here early.

    anyway… LOL

  • Lele

    2004/12/24 at 4:40 am

    I’m first??!!

  • Sasha

    2004/12/24 at 4:40 am

    Ran out of pictures?

  • Girl.A

    2004/12/24 at 4:41 am

    dooce – I like your ass!
    I mean I like your miniature donkey! No, I mean I like your ass!

    Danielle! Re: your comment yesterday.

    Black bows come on nice packages. Err, you can find black bows tied on packages. Umm, Good things come in black bows. I can’t make this sound like I am not a perv.

    How bout these presents with black bows on?

    *There, I did it*

  • pickle

    2004/12/24 at 4:42 am

    heh. that cracked me up.
    oh wait. bad pun.

  • Alex

    2004/12/24 at 4:43 am

    I wonder if I am 9th…. lol…. I agree husband…. nice but!!!… rrrrrrrr!

  • R

    2004/12/24 at 4:45 am

    Merry Christmas Dooce and Family

  • kEma

    2004/12/24 at 4:53 am

    Merry Christmas, Dooce’s BUTT, Leta’s scrumptious cheeks, Jon’s scruptious beard, and CHUCK’S ASS!

  • Chessy

    2004/12/24 at 4:55 am

    Ha! My husband has the same fixation, only with my ass, not yours. Half of our photos from our honeymoon are of my ass. (We each had a camera and he was most compelled by my bum.)

  • Sheryl

    2004/12/24 at 4:55 am

    ” Say it to my ass, bitch! ”

    Merry Christmas Dooce et al!

  • maxigumee

    2004/12/24 at 4:55 am

    I hope your butt has a very merry Christmas, too! 🙂

  • leigh

    2004/12/24 at 4:56 am

    most excellent! :o)
    Merry Christmas

  • Karen Rani

    2004/12/24 at 5:01 am

    Merry Christmas Eve to your butt too! LOL!
    Okay, my hubby does the same thing. I opened up the folder to my son’s 6th birthday party and there, smack dab in the middle of the innocent faces of little boys, was my ass. Nice.

  • chickenflicken

    2004/12/24 at 5:02 am

    My god, I wish my ass looked that great doing a bendy/squatty thing in jeans.

    I’m jealous.

    Merry Christmas, Armstrongs!

  • Beth

    2004/12/24 at 5:03 am

    Bad pun time, but as it’s Christmas, my comment on this pic will be:


    Merry Christmas, Blurbodoocery!!!

  • Sarah

    2004/12/24 at 5:03 am

    Great laugh this morning, thank you!

    You totally look like you are doing something completely perverted to Santa. And I know I’m not the only one who thinks that because this is one sick group. 😉

    Merry Christmas to the Dooce family and I hope everyone has a wonderful, relaxing, beautiful time!

  • LintHuman

    2004/12/24 at 5:08 am

    As we say in the UK, “Christmas, my arse!”

  • closet metrosexual

    2004/12/24 at 5:16 am

    From this side I would definitely say that Jon is a very blessed man.

    Merry (or Mary, for Big Gay Sam) Christmas to all the butts in Dooceland.

  • The Mighty Jimbo

    2004/12/24 at 5:20 am

    jon i SWEAR i’m not being creepy here, but heather, i have girlfriends who would have sold their first born to have stayed that thin after having their first born.

  • Ashik

    2004/12/24 at 5:21 am

    It does look a bit like you’re going to hop right on top of Santa and show him a grand ole time – you wild thang!
    Motherhood is having an interesting effect, eh?

  • Courtney

    2004/12/24 at 5:22 am

    Merry Christmas Heather, Jon, Leta and Chuck! I hope the next year brings you nothing but happiness and love. Your family deserves nothing but the best. You are beautiful in every way. Apparently, even your ass is!

  • sab

    2004/12/24 at 5:30 am

    nice butt….you guys are awesome…merry christmas eve!

  • sam

    2004/12/24 at 5:30 am

    Woo hoo! Dooce butt!

  • Girl.A

    2004/12/24 at 5:32 am

    ” Merry Big Gay Sam ” I like it!

    But ” Your husband is a blessed man ” is a major contender.

    Been looking for just the right catch phrase to use instead of the boring but classy ” Merry Christmas ”

  • Danielle

    2004/12/24 at 5:36 am

    Girl.A : maybe the one on the right…

    I got all excited with chippendale in the url, and thought “Oh yeah, gotta get me some of _those_ presents in black bows.”


    bummer. but funny.


  • Danielle

    2004/12/24 at 5:41 am

    oh, and when I saw the picture I thought of yesterday’s discussion of the reindeer that poops jelly beans and the ass pennies…

    Changing the subject:

    what will tomorrow’s pic be?

    we still haven’t seen the ceramic santas…

    And then there is the desire expressed by many for a pic that has in one frame:
    Leta, Chuck, _and_ George!

    or will it be Leta playing with wrapping paper?


    what if it were dooce, Jon, Leta, Chuck and George? with the ceramic santas around them? I think I’d pass out.

  • eddo

    2004/12/24 at 5:43 am

    Santa Baby… Hurry down the chimney tonight…

    Merry Christmas Heather, Jon, Leta, Chuck, and of course George.

  • Dr. Johnny Fever

    2004/12/24 at 5:53 am

    That pic reminds me of my favorite Christmas song: A-holey Night.

  • Amber

    2004/12/24 at 6:00 am


  • Julie

    2004/12/24 at 6:06 am

    Just the best!

  • gardens grey

    2004/12/24 at 6:06 am

    ha ha ha ha!

  • Lindsey

    2004/12/24 at 6:12 am


  • maryse

    2004/12/24 at 6:17 am

    my butt says merry christmas right back at you.

  • Mrs.Stray

    2004/12/24 at 6:19 am

    The kid must be heavy if a full on sqaut is required to lift her from Santas lap.

  • me? I'm a nobody

    2004/12/24 at 6:25 am


    in response to Zak, comment #4: it depends which side of the Santa you’re on.

  • Julia

    2004/12/24 at 6:28 am

    Way to bend with your knees!

  • closet metrosexual

    2004/12/24 at 6:30 am

    Dr Fever, thanks for the giggle. You never let us down. (As I was typing “let us”, I fat-fingered “lust” instead. Freudian fat fingers?)

  • pretendingsanity

    2004/12/24 at 6:34 am

    THAT is the only way to say it!!

  • Lisa

    2004/12/24 at 6:34 am

    Wish I had a butt that looked that good in jeans…Merry Christmas Dooce and Family…..

  • Kiki in Wisco'

    2004/12/24 at 6:36 am

    What kind of jeans are those? They look great.

  • Littlehoney

    2004/12/24 at 6:38 am

    Moms’ll do anything to make sure their kids are on the nice list – even free lapdances!

    Merry Merry all.

  • Girl.A

    2004/12/24 at 6:40 am

    Ha, me too Dr. Fevah.
    Everything I came up with was way too pervy and stalkerish.

    ” I want to bend Mommy over Santa Claus ” is the only one printable here.

  • dänika

    2004/12/24 at 6:44 am

    That’s what you had to do in order to get Leta out of the hostage situation?

    That bad santa.

  • LadyBug

    2004/12/24 at 6:49 am

    Heather, you look great. No kidding.

    And that is one freakin’ HUGE Santa chair.

    Merry Christmas Dooce, Jon, Leta, Chuck, and all the Dooce fans.

    God bless,

  • August95

    2004/12/24 at 6:51 am

    Merry Christmas Eve, Heather’s Butt.

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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