An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Scrumptious Bearded… oh wait! YOU’RE NOT MY FATHER!

  • Rhiana

    Merry Christmas, Dooce and family!

  • So was your bundle of joy/hell screaming bloody murder at the time??

  • That’s a pretty pimp watch Santa is sporting.

    And the fear Lena is exuding shouldn’t be cute to me; but it is. Am I bad?

  • Ahhh Run Leta!!!
    (Cammie I just read your post and I can’t believe what your going through! People suck sweetie, I’m sorry)

  • LT

    Left-handed Santa alert!

    Left-handed Santa alert!

  • In a related story, it was recently discovered that Department Store Santas have a gravitational pull preventing small children from fleeing the atmosphere. Just be glad she’s not orbiting…

    “This is Major Tom to ground control. I’m stuck to this fat man in a most peculiar waaaaay.”

  • cee

    Perfect capture! You know that’s exacatly the panicked thought she was thinking!! Cute! =)

    Merry first Christmas to your family!

  • JB in Texas

    I’m pretty sure she won’t remember the trauma!

  • LT – Left-handed Santa? Is that like… HEY. THAT’S NOT MISTLE TOE! Nevermind all that. Listen to your grandmas, kids. Don’t smoke your drugs or Santa.

  • I’ve got PLENTY of pictures like those… JUst WAIT until next year (evil grin) 🙂

  • Thanks for sharing Letas Christams Picture with us. Have a wonderful Christmas Heather and Gang.

  • nobody wants to be the elf in charge of santa’s laundry.

  • Em

    Awesome Santa. I guess he goes where the MOST RELIGIOUS people are, eh?

  • beachgal

    So glad you posted this. I’m sure she’s not going to remember being afraid of the big man. But you can always show the picture. After seeing one of the ladies in the office who took her twins to see santa, I’m glad I skipped it this year.

  • Hey, you guys have the best Santa! Was his beard REAL?
    Ours is so puny and you could see his brown beard under the fake one and I swear my 8 year old was taller than he was?

  • beachgal

    hmmm…i left out some words, I think. Like the PICTURES of the twins with santa..screaming their bloody heads off. I’m sleepy.

  • LT

    All the left-handed Santas love Utah best, you know.

  • Santa thinks Girl.A has a nice ass? Click on my link, my toes are not afraid (I’m wearing steel toed shoes).

  • Thanks for the pic Dooce. That is too funny. Santa can be very sca-wy when you are just little.

  • Oh Good Lord that is an adorable picture.

  • Sheryl

    That is really cute and funny – my mom has lots of pictures like those except I was crying. And maybe hitting.

    I don’t know if anyone has already mentioned this but this type of activity, getting her to sit on the lap of a guy in a crazy costume at the mall, might help with her PT. Look at the muscle control in her leg and arm!

  • Georgeaholic

    When you said that, I was waiting for a George pic.

    I am so disappointed.

  • Looks like they’re terrified of each other. Leta’s scared of Santa, and vice versa.

  • He looks like a good santa with a geeky watch!
    The last one we took, I swear he was like “Badder Santa”.
    Creepy as hell!

    HAPPY HOLIDAYS…and for the rest of us — HAPPY FESTIVUS!!

  • If he comes down the chimney, let’s hope she doesn’t see him.

  • That is one REAL looking Santa. I remember santa always being so fake: a too-bright-white beard where you can see the elastic straps, the santa suit that’s been worn thin, the bored look on Santa’s face….

    Leta’s got it good!

  • Although, does Santa wear a watch like that? I think he’d should have a pocket watch or something instead.

  • She looks so confused… “WHY WOULD YOU EVER CONSIDER GIVING ME TO A BIG RED MAN WITH A BEARD? Get back over here, RIGHT NOW!”

  • RazDreams

    (dooce, seems to be some problems on blurbomat:

  • The contrast from standing in line to see Santa, where she looks pretty calm and hopeful, to this picture, is absolutely hilarious!!
    Since ever the story of Santa was told children have been afraid to sit on his lap. It’s a necessary right of passage. 🙂

  • Adorable as always!
    Merry Christmas Jon, Heather, Leta, Chuck, George, Grandmommie and everyone!

    Girl A. You make me laugh! That was hysterical!

  • Great shot! Leta looks like she’s right between scream like hell and throwing herself back into his chest.

    Quick side note: in order to get “dooced” don’t you first have to have a blog that you mention your work and that is why you were “dooced?” Just getting let go from a job does not let you say you were “dooced.”

  • Santa wears a runner’s watch. Who knew? They must have a kick ass track and field program up there in the North Pole.

  • I didn’t even notice that Dr. F until you pointed that out. SO THATS how Santa warps from house to house…a time machine. Maybe Leta figured it out?

  • Deenzadrine

    What makes it even better besides the “holy shit, get me away from this freak” look on Leta’s face is Santa’s “Hurry up and take the goddamned picture before this kid claws my eyes out” look…

  • Go Go Gadget Arms!

  • shannon c – if somebody is threatening to take away Cammie’s kids because of something she wrote in her blog, that’s worse than dooced, that’s fucked.

    My heart goes out to Cammie.

  • My watch has been missing for a few days …

    Hey, Santa stole my fucking watch! That damn chimney-jumping bastard. And this after I left out those tasty sausage McMuffins.

    *mouth full*

    Mmmph. Mfffmufffinth.

  • Oye!That picture is sweeter than my coffee this morning. Leta is so adorable. Thank You Dooce!

  • Fish,
    The old age is already setting in. Don’t go all paranoid on us now. Your forgetfulness will multiply with your sleepless nights. Dementia can set in also. I know, I have a screaming brat of my own now (not human people). But you do have a point about Santa.

    If you’re Santa, why wouldn’t you just have a sense of entitlement everyeffinplace you went?

    I suspect Santa left me a present last year, parked in my toilet. (George?)

  • Are those KEDS sock savers???

  • And Leta attempted to get away. She held her small arms out to her mother with her fingers clawing at the air. But Dooce was not quick enough, though she tried. Her long legs could not carry her fast enough to her desperate daughter. In one lightning bolt swoosh, Santa ate poor little Leta before taking the next unsuspecting toddler onto his lap.

  • Girl.A: that would have been the yule-log.


    Thankyoouuu, I’ll be here all week!

  • Commence the scree-hee-hee-ming and the flailing of limbs, Leta, for Santa is a bad man and the whole world should know! I would scream, too. That beard is SCARY.

  • now THAT’S a cool looking santa! all my pics with santa when I was a kid were with sweaty 24 year olds with obviously fake beards.

    hehe…You’ll shoot your eye out, Leta!

  • Santa is not phoney!

  • *Fish’s arteries beg for mercy*

    *Amanda takes out dentures, shakes fist at Girl A.*

  • Amanda you can be my bad ass granny any day. You’d be the coolest granny ever.

    I love grannies, by the way, and don’t want to accidentally contribute to any health problems. Or any more denture issues for you, Amanda.

  • Oh, I was only kidding. I’ll be your granniebitch, and you can totally borrow my scooter-chair.

  • Amanda: Since I can hardly stand up from lack of sleep, I figure I’d harden my arteries to the point where they prop me up. Are you saying that that’s not a good idea?

    Maybe I’ll come down to MS and steal that chair, granniebitch.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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