the smell of my desperation has become a stench

God Hauling Ass

Last night we were watching live TV — uh, the pain! — and saw the beginnings of what seemed to be a promotional commercial for a show about some king of Egypt. The camera swept over acres and acres of wind-blown sand and the words, something like, “The King Who Lasted The Longest,” or, “The King of All Kings,” something about the story of all stories, and then… then! A FUCKING FORD SUV drove out from the sand.

I turned to Jon and said, “WHAT?”

And he shrugged and offered, “I suppose it’s the Ford Jesus Edition. You know, for Christians.”

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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