An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

You turn it like THIS to focus, dude

  • mmm bbq chickeeen

  • Kath

    Yeah…once they hit a mobility milestone (sitting, pulling to stand) they must PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE like some screamin freakin OBSESSION they don’t sleep they don’t eat they must SIT UP MUST SIT UP MUST SIT UP then they MUST STAND MUST STAND MUST STAND and you will change diapers and provide meals while they STAND UP because they MUST. Nothing is as single-minded as a baby with a new skill. Sigh.

  • At the risk of sounding creepy, the bone structure of your face is gorgeous.

  • U.B.

    Homely in Hoboken may have had no ulterior motives.

    But post 162 is correct — if you can’t take a hint that your witty repartee is unwelcome, then you become just a pain in someone’s ass.

  • Danika

    P.S that comment was coming from me a girl that has NO IDEA when a guy is trying to pick me up. So take the comment with a grain of salt.

  • Danika

    Was there more said by the guy? It sounds to me more like he was trying to start a conversation. Of course I was not there so couldn’t see the body language but from what he said (unless pick ups are different there than here) I would never have guessed he was trying to pick you up.

    Although you look great in that picture so I have no problem believing someone would want to pick you up. Even with the diaper talk.

  • It tends not to be

    “company” if it is unwanted attention.

    How can you enjoy the “company” of someone who doesn’t want to talk with/be with/stand near you?

  • GSV Micturition to Windward

    Re: #124

    [quote]I amused by the fact that GSV’s rant on female egoism was just a few comments after he used the words “Yum” and “Chickie” to describe Heather. My guess is that was what Heather’s suiter had in mind as well when he approached her.[/quote]

    Just because a man (or a boy, in the case of Heather’s anecdote) appreciates the appearance of a beautiful woman doesn’t automatically mean he is going to hit on her. If he had actually propositioned her she would have had a case, but absent that she is just deluding herself.

    Maybe (probably ?) her “suitor” was drawn to her by her looks – but that still doesn’t mean that he was trying to do anything more than enjoy the company of a beautiful woman for a few minutes.

  • Man, did I sound stupid.

    I replied as soon as I saw the photo (I usually read thru the comments so I can reply to several people if need be). You look very supermodel-esque. A stunner. Cheekbones amazing. Skin tone gorgeous.

    To chrissy (#132): dead heather … very funny typo. Usually when I see a typo, so long as I understand what was meant, I don’t harp on it. But yours was a totally different spin. Too funny.

    To Michael (#138): I’m not in the least bit speaking for Heather…but excercise is a pick me up…I’m guessing it helps. Every little bit helps right?

  • This is just a really great picture of the two of you. One of my favorites.

    That is all.

  • U.B.

    K — I think it may be a disturbing sign of what an obese culture we’ve become. People see Dooce’s slender and fit self, and find it unusual.

    It is a great shot of her tho’. When I saw it this morning, it reminded me of the old Mike Myers SNL bit where he was ‘Dieter’, the host of Sprockets. “You are angular and beautiful! Now is the time we DANCE!”

  • I’m sure this has already been stated, but there’s no way I’m gonna sort through all the comments, so here you go again:

    Great way to match your outfit with the napkins. Forethought is important. Unless of course you were channeling Punky Brewster and that is just a hanky tied around your thigh.

  • Dooce,

    Just wondering but does Leta sleep on her tummy? Or would you let her sleep on her tummy? That might solve the whole sitting up incident at bedtime for a while. I know w/ my daughter when she learned to crawl she forgot how to roll over so night time was easy, I put her on her back instead of her belly and she would go to sleep, but if I put her on her belly she would get up and start screaming for someone to get her. Maybe the opposite would work for you?

    Good Luck and good job Leta and Daddy, sorry mommy!

  • Josh Sucher


  • K

    Man…as a culture we are so obsessed with weight. Everytime there is a picture of Heather posted there are “you’re so skinny” comments. I’m not criticizing anyone in particular, it’s just something that I noticed in reading all of these.

    Fun picture…I too enjoy how the napkin matches the shirt. You called ahead to make sure they were indeed using the red napkins didnt you?

  • Susie

    Oops for Kay, that was nice. It was helpful and appropriate and such a much better response than so many were probably inclined to give.
    After I read Kay’s query and picked my jaw up off the floor, I could only think of Abraham Lincoln’s words, “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.”

  • OMG you are stunning !!! Those cheekbones! That ivory skin!

    That cameras ia amazing!

  • Leta is the bomb. Sweet little munchkin. I wonder if Chuck stays at a safe distance from her while walking by. He certainly will now.

    Chuck: “Great Dad. You taught her to sit up. Thaaaanks…”

  • shy

    i see the japanese restaurant’s name is ‘shogun’. hmm. 🙂

    this is one of my fave photo’s of jon (sans leta with him).

    kudos to jon for handling the kid trying to pick you up. jon’s the man.

  • Kay

    Okay- I am new reading this blog. Please don’t take offense at this posting, but I am entirely confused. Do you have more than one child? I haven’t read your archives, but I did see that you do newsletters to your daughter and that she must be almost a year old? So I don’t get the sitting up story in the crib?

  • Wow, I totally eat at Shogun all the time. Landlocked in Saint Louis as well. At least the photo is in focus…

  • Fish- it could be a “Paul is dead” scenario.

    Tommorow papers in Canada will proclaim Mrs. Delta Armstrong deceased as a result of cinching her corset too tight.

  • Or ~~

    Supermodel IN FRANCE!!!! dies of sake overdose. Husband arrested for trying to strangle papparazzi.


  • “dead Heather,”

    That’s a pretty funny typo.

    Probably a bit jarring for dooce, though, to see someone proclaim you as dead.

  • SallyD

    Ooooo… If I allow myself to slip into a daydream, it’s like John is reaching out for me! I’m here Scrumptious Bearded Man! I’m here!

    And then I shake my head, because his absolutely gorgeous wife is sitting right next to him….


  • HEY! That’s my friend Matt — the mustached muchacho hanging out in the backround. He’s a badass and a crack Scrabble player and it’s no suprise whatsoever that he’s associated with other smart, badass people like yourselves. I thought you were super cool from your writing, but now I know you are, if by nothing other than association. (See there, how that’s kinda circular?) Cheers, chica! And thanks for the daily dose of Dooce. ~jill

  • Harriet

    Congratulations little Leta. Now Heather, not to get all ridiculously maternal on yo ass, but you have to lower that crib mattress if you have not done so already. I remember reading somewhere to do that as soon as they start to sit up because the next thing you know, they will start to pull up. Their heads are like lead balloons, so well, you can imagine the rest… We did it with ours (17 months) right away and she gave us proof soon after that it was a good decision. OK. Done! Done with advice! Again, congratulations, milestones are amazing.

  • I love how you’re sitting there so above it all. Makes sense, since you are either a) an uppity model or b) dead.

    I also like the thumbnails. Anyone else ever try to figure out exactly what she focused on for the thumbnail? Sometimes, like with the pattern of a shirt, it’s hard, yo. And I’m a little disappointed when I know what the pic is before I open it. today did not disappoint.

  • Michael

    About the body thing: My only “complaint” is, how can you be so depressed and yet have the energy/drive to run up the stairs all the time and keep in shape?

    You really are excellent (as a person).

    (That was supposed to mean “regardless of looks” even though you’ve got those, too.)

  • sue from ohio

    again, sorry…

    *Chrissy, why is Heather DEAD?!?!! BAHAHAHAHAA, sorry, had to comment on that….like I’ve NEVER made a typo or anything…BHAHAHA

  • Katiebarthedoor

    Great pic. Compare this one:

    With the one today of Jon.

    The similarities are eerie…And I think their hands are about the same size!

  • Susie

    confidential to Leta:
    YEEEE-HAAAAA! (And if you haven’t heard this expression yet, darlin’, you will; just hang around the Tennessee relatives.)
    You GO little girl! XOXOXOX

  • jon: ‘and this is what I would do to Condee’s neck if she were sitting right beside me…’

    OR maybe he was thinking about how he was going to give you some lovin’, heather…hehehehe ‘a little sqeeze here, a little pinch there…’ OH NOW I’M JUST BEING GROSS! SORRY!!!!

  • Michael

    I, like Nadia, thought that perhaps the guy was just talking to her. I mean, it’s Utah, right? Do they *do* the whole ‘hitting on’ thing there? I guess they do, based on this.

    But don’t they ask what church you go to or anything? Or “Hey, did you tithe today, sexy lady?”

    Let’s come up with Mormon pick-up lines. “I’d tithe with you anyday, baby!”

    (Nadia, I’m also a Gemini and was sort of pleased/freaked to see that you had the same thought AND were a Gemini. Usually I don’t put any stock in that stuff. Bizarre.)

  • The sitting thing is great! This means she’s going to have to move her legs under herself. This also means they’re going to develop more muscle and get stronger. Haha, I’m looking forward to the entries when she starts to crawl, let alone walk … (*evil grin*)

  • dead heather:
    Truely and honestly- you should contact Nikon to see if they would somehow pay you to advertise for their camera as much as you end up doing. My husband and I bought the D70 based almost completely on the photos you take here- and Im sure there are tons of other people out there who have either bought it for the same reasons or are planning on it/want to/would recomend it to a friend.
    Im just saying- you’ve got to work the system 🙂
    By the way, your inadvertent
    recomondation was a great one. We love the camera. 🙂

  • I didn’t get any gifts at my wedding.
    Thats what happens when you get knocked up (3 times) before tying the knot. That and the fact that your an anti-social hermit with no friends.

  • Sarah

    Oh, gosh! Wait’ll she can stand up/cruise! She’ll never get to sleep! My daughter used to stand holding the sides the crib to hold herself up and she’d plop back down… haul herself up… plop back down… haul herself up… and on and on and on until exhaustion. The crib is a nice, private place to practice new skills.

    Have fun! It only gets worse… then they go off to preschool! Oh!

  • A bit cheaper, I guess

    Wait, did I misinterpret something, or is Heather implying that she would get a $1,000 gift? A bit pricey in my eyes, but if they are that good friends…

  • Carolyn

    I gotta say Dooce, you have it EASY. My 11 month old is CLIMBING stepladders to get to the counterop where all the sharp knives and chokeable stuff is. Did I mention he was CLIMBING?

    It is great news that Leta is sitting up though, really. She’s going to hit these development milestones. That she doesn’t like to bear weight on her feet, well, just you watch out, she’ll be fine with weight on her knees and then you’ll have a crawler. All over the place, down the hall, splat splat splat go the hands on the hardwood floor as she makes her way to the bathroom where the toilet paper roll live.

    My husband, whom I normally love dearly, permitted the baby to unroll toilet paper from the roll while we were on vacation. Now I can’t pee in peace because the baby cries when I don’t let him pull off all of the toilet paper. He used to play happily with the special-toys-so-mommy-can-pee that were in there. Argh. What is it with the fathers? 🙂

  • “You imbecile! ‘I’m not going nowhere’ is a double-negative! That means you ARE going somewhere! So go away while I crush more heads.”

  • Anita said at 01:03PM, 01.25.2005:
    OH NO!!!
    I’ve been so eagerly anticipating the sitting up milestone….and now it’s going to be hell?!?!?!?
    Rolling over was good/bad enough!

    Anita — I’m finding that the kids growing up/hitting milestones thing has it’s pros and cons. We were excited when Buddy got mobile, but now he tortures his sisters by getting into their stuff. On the up side, at least I don’t have to carry him up the stairs anymore. He can get up them by himself (properly supervised, along the way, of course).

    Parenthood: It’s not just a job, it’s an adventure.

  • Men aren’t really all THAT tough to figure out…

    I amused by the fact that GSV’s rant on female egoism was just a few comments after he used the words “Yum” and “Chickie” to describe Heather. My guess is that was what Heather’s suiter had in mind as well when he approached her.

  • OH NO!!!

    I’ve been so eagerly anticipating the sitting up milestone….and now it’s going to be hell?!?!?!?

    Rolling over was good/bad enough!

  • Mmmmm…sake. /Homer S.

    That is all.

  • Chris From Ohio said at 07:36AM, 01.25.2005:
    Jon: “I’m crushing your head! I’m crushing your head!”

    DUDE – Kids In The Hall!! You rock

  • You’re so pretty. 🙂

  • Congratulations, Leta! That’s wonderful! You just go on and learn how to do stuff like that!

    The periscope over the crib move — although it can be infuriating when putting them to bed at night, it can also be damn cute first thing in the mornings.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

read more