This here bringer of the pooper to the fun party

Beer hickey

This is our bud, Shan, who blushes everytime he drinks a sip or two of a beer. That is just too cute. His birthday was yesterday and I forgot to wish him HAPPY NUMBER 30! We love you, Shan. Can’t wait for the wedding.

(Note: I am going to open up comments, but here are today’s rules: 1) If you say ANYTHING about my daughter and her motor development I will delete your comment, and 2) LISTEN TO GOD.)

  • Abraham Lincoln

    Alyssa and Callie,
    There was a comment that was jarring (at least to me)in its uncalled-for ignorance — someone “new” was innocently(?) asking questions (about the delightful baby in question) that would have been most thoroughly answered by even a cursory skimming of the archived entries on that delightful baby. It’s over. God told me we humans need to be more careful with one another, even via the internet.

  • I understood when I checked this morning if you needed to close comments– you get some obnoxious people. There is nothing wrong with Leta, people are just assholes who are trying to prey on the things you worry about.

    And I think I saw a comment about Leta yesterday, guys, but I don’t really remember what it said… maybe there wasn’t. But Heather closed comments yesterday night– there may have been additional messages that were deleted before I got there. I mostly remember the ass who was trying to suggest that Heather was insecure because she thought Hoboken guy was hitting on her– except she *didn’t* think that, everyone else told her he was hitting on her.

    Anyway… poor Shan. I flush easily, so I feel your pain. Happy belated birthday!

  • can I also add that i have found the Dooceaholics to be a mostly neato group of totally cool and hilarious people? And that more than outshadows those poor sad nasty commenters with their cowardly, terroristic axis of evil intentions.

    Yeah, did that make sense?

    Well, just wanted to say to all of you and Dooce as well:

    LOVE YOU GUYS! *sniff*

  • This same thing happens to my best friend. You can imagine how nice she looked as she walked down the aisle at her *first* wedding after that huge schwigg! of Jack. She now takes some allergy pills for hives and she no longer gets the alcohol rash.
    PS. Your blog is inspiring. And every baby is entitled to a good dog biscuit everyonceinawhile. Hell, I do worse than that, I feed mine hominy right out of a can with razor-sharp edges.

  • I’m generally red ALL THE DAMN TIME, I just get a little extra red in the nose area when I drink. I actually turn purple when I work out really hard in the heat. Maybe I’m allergic to the heat. Or working out.

    [And “Lasadh” (my blog title) means “flushed” in Irish. Like I said, all the damn time!]

  • rockand rollchick

    Oh my Candida!!!
    Maybe he needs to slather on the
    Monistat before imbibing.
    By the way Heather-I didn’t walk until I was almost 2, and am now a marathon runner. Leta rocks!

  • Speed pooing is not something to be proud of. First of all, pooing is a privledge not a right. Second, nothing beats a good pooing, and where else does a person get a chance to finish the latest Brown novel?

  • red

    i am Irish and i don’t get red when drinking… but when i’m nervous i break out in “beer hickies.” it’s SO not cute. 🙂

  • Deenzadrine

    Maybe http://iamwhoam.blogspot.com/ can smite those that feel the need to insult and harrass you on YOUR OWN BLOG.

    Sigh.

  • I can po0 in like 30 seconds. Seriously. I can poo before the commercials are over ( because unlike SOME people I don’t have TiVo..OR cable) and still have time to wash my hands and get a drink. Speed pooer.

  • Callie

    Alyssa, comment 45-
    I agree with you. I looked back, and I saw nice comments. I don’t think Heather is the insecure type either…but maybe I too missed something.

  • Not sure if you are a fan, but he looks alot like Will Tippin from the show ALIAS, at least in this pic.

    How do you keep from getting comment spam on your site. Recently I have just been bombed!

  • kdub

    I turn beet red all over from just a few drinks–even my arms and legs look like I got a bad sunburn. It’s because I’m asian though. I believe it’s from lacking a digestive enzyme to properly metabolize the alcohol.

  • MrsS — Funny!

    Ladybug — Very well put. Would it be ok if I just “dittoed” your comment to Dooce? I feel the same way.

  • Dooce, I did I TOTALLY resisted the urge to email you and simply put FIRST!!!! on it. I seriously held one hand down with the other.

  • I didn’t speak in sentences until I was 4. My mother thought I was retarded, but I set her straight by showing her I could multiply. Now I poo 3 times a day.

  • awww…he looks JUST like my coworker, Ryan 🙂 we work at Mellow Mushroom, damn poor college kids.

  • Matt in London

    when I drink I have the dancing ability of John Travolta, the looks of Brad Pitt and the charm of Pierce Brosnan as 007….but no red blotches 🙁

  • tell him to make the switch…to sake! a refreshing, no-blush drink.

    nah. thatll make him all red, too.

  • Cat

    It still amazes me that 396 out of 400 comments RAVE about you, Heather. That’s extremely impressive. You are doing something right!

  • I don’t usually read many comments because I can’t be bothered to get past all the FIRSTS, thrird’s. So I don’t know what stupid shit peopple were coming up with.

    I would like to say though, I would have LOVED my baby to be imobile for awhile longer, he was up and running at 9 months. It was ridiculous. I just wanted him to stay a baby.

    So enjoy Leta and all her stages and be glad she isn’t rushing. She’s got a lifetime of walking ahead of her, why do it now? She’s a wise young soul.

  • this is not necessarily a question for dooce, but did i miss some comments where someone was bashing leta? are people really that pathetic–trying to criticize a baby? i was just curious, because all i found were nice comments from people talking about their kids’ own motor skills and i don’t think dooce is the insecure, defensive type who can’t handle other people talking about their own kids. i think i just missed something.

  • Dazed & Confuzed

    The dude looks almost ashamed of himself. And as well he should be – the heathen. Drinking alcohol in Utah. That’s not right. ‘Course I get the same thing whenever I freebase Geritol.

  • Carol

    Mrs. S – LMAO!!
    Beer hickeys for all!

  • SANDY

    THAT is a true redneck!! Happy birthday Shan! and congrats on a sitting baby! She is beautiful!

  • So glad you opened up comments, Dooce. And I’m sorry there are so many assholes out there who think YOUR website is the proper place to come and insult YOU and YOUR FAMILY. I visit your site every day (um…sometimes a few thousand times a day, but I’m totally not a stalker…where did you say you live, again? Teehee) because you make me smile…or laugh so hard I hurt, although sometimes I hurt from trying NOT to laugh out loud while I’m at my desk at work.
    You have such an amazing talent, Dooce. And I’m so thankful that you’re willing to share it with us, even though that means opening up your life to the dreadful drivel of the assholes of the world. Thank you for sharing with us.

    Okay, enough of the sloppy stuff….bring on the poop talk!

    P.S. – I wasn’t sure what you meant by LISTEN TO GOD, so I checked his blog (www.iamwhoam.blogspot.com), and he hasn’t updated in a few days. Maybe he’s on vacation?

  • I’m Irish and I get a red nose when I drink, but I never drink beer, so it must be the actual alcohol.

    A few of my Asian friends get really red when they drink too (like their whole entire bodies), so it’s not just and Irish thing.

    I think it’s actually an allergic reaction.

  • P.P.S. I almost gave out unsolicited advice here the other day…really glad I stopped myself! And…Where is GOD??

  • Weasel

    My wife has been reading this site for a few months and now she only poops twice a week!

    Bad Dooce! Bad BAD Dooce!

    (She gets a kick outta your blog, and so do I, but she may never poop again!)

  • Andrea in Canada

    my really good friend Pam turns into red blotches everytime she drinks too.

    Happy 30th Shan!!

  • HA! Poop in the tub…those are brown sharks. All you have to do when your kid (is at the right age) poops in the tubs is feign terror and scream *BROWN SHARKS* while you point into the tub with horror.

    Your child will then begin to scream and panic and never will you see a brown shark again. They may, however, be scarred for life. *shrug*

  • sarah

    It looks more like a rash. He could be allergic to yeast or sulfites: http://allergies.about.com/cs/alcohol/a/aa043001a.htm

  • d

    is it only an Irish thing? my great-grandmother was Irish, but it doesn’t happen to my brothers. …you should have seen how red I was after drinking champagne at a friend’s wedding – I looked like I had hives! I can never drink without everyone knowing…two sips of wine, and my cheeks are burning!

  • I sent my husband a link to this pic because whenever he drinks, he gets little red spots around his eyes and cheeks and usually gets so embarrassed when I point it out. Sooo funny to see someone else that does it!

    And p.s.–I also was worried b/c I thought comments were closed this morning. Now breathing a huge sigh of relief!

  • Just dont give him bear on the wedding day!

  • Ty

    I don’t have kids, but my mother tells me I was always (well, still am actually) a “when I’m ready, I’m ready” type. It may take me a while to gear up, but once I’m there, that’s it, I just do it. For instance, when I started walking, I only crawled for 2 weeks before I was up and at ’em. My mother refers to it as “just enough time spent crawling to know I was healthy.” Once I was up and walking, that was it…I NEVER stopped!! BAM!! A little running machine! I almost went straight from sitting to running!!

    I have been like that my whole life. I may not be ready to do something for a while, but once I do, I do it full force! Leta sounds a lot like that!! Watch out!! She’ll blow you away one of these days!

  • Whoa. Interesting.

    Happy birthday and happy upcoming wedding to Shan!

  • JP

    I hate the pee on the floor…or poop in the bathtub…

    (sigh)

  • Sonia, i got the same prayer answered the very same way!

  • Southern Fried Girl

    I was wondering why we could not comment. Is it funny that when I saw the title beer hickey, I so did not picture that. Not sure what was pictured in my twisted little mind, but it was not that. 🙂

  • I tend to have selective hearing with God, because, frankly, he has selective prayer-answering.

    Yes to the “Bigger boobs, please?”

    No to the “But can I have them and still be skinny?”

  • man, how did it already get to the 20s?

    i always associate “yeast” with the word “infection” and thinking about Shan and those two words makes me laugh. hah!

  • I do the same thing when I drink.. I just handle alcohol so I tend to avoid it!

  • joy

    happy birthday to the blushing stan!

  • SHAN, JUST ADMIT YOU’RE MILDLY ALLERGIC TO BEER. IT’S OKAY. But what man would admit this? So we make up conditions like “beer hickeys” and “blushing.”

    *Scoff*

  • dv

    Dooce, what if you’re an atheist?

    By the way, I’ve come to terms with the fact that children develop in their own time
    Personnaly I would love for my son to be crawling by now, but the more people are giving me a hard time that he isn’t yet, the more I yell back at them: “it doesn’t mean he’ll NEVER learn”
    Morons

    Hey, I just realized: that is only one letter away from Mormons

    Sorry, just a thought

  • I was wondering if you had kept the comments closed because of the assinine comments over the past couple of days, but am so releived you opened them up. I was seriously going through withdrawl. I was going to email you and then realized: the woman is probably getting hundreds of emails asking where the comment section went already!

    Thank you for letting us in.

    Oh, is there a photo? Oh yes! I feel sorry for Shan because he will never be able to sneak a drink EVER.

  • Amy

    No matter what alcohol I drink, the same thing happens to me….down to my chest and up to my forehead! But it doesn’t stop me… 🙂
    Maybe Shan and I were separated at birth because I also am turning 30 soon…like Friday. So I will be drinking and turning red for two days straight!
    Thanks for a great web site!

  • Laura C.

    God told me to say that your daughter and her motor development are beautiful and perfect in every way, and I adore both of you (and Jon).

    Is that OK? I mean, it’s true.

  • Wow, he really gets that beard trimmed “just so”, doesn’t he?