the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Beer hickey

This is our bud, Shan, who blushes everytime he drinks a sip or two of a beer. That is just too cute. His birthday was yesterday and I forgot to wish him HAPPY NUMBER 30! We love you, Shan. Can’t wait for the wedding.

(Note: I am going to open up comments, but here are today’s rules: 1) If you say ANYTHING about my daughter and her motor development I will delete your comment, and 2) LISTEN TO GOD.)

  • Neil

    2005/01/26 at 6:58 am

    I was going to say the same thing, my Irish complection gets a little red when I drink too.

  • Jenny

    2005/01/26 at 6:58 am

    Awww poor guy! He looks so sad!

  • kim

    2005/01/26 at 6:58 am

    i can’t hear god. and i’ve tried, i really have.. buddha okay, too?

  • Red from MN

    2005/01/26 at 6:57 am

    Shannon, my cheeks do the exact same thing…and i am irish also.

  • trinity

    2005/01/26 at 6:58 am


    what a great gift.

  • Melanie S.

    2005/01/26 at 6:56 am

    Third? I’m never this close to the top.

    Anyway! Poor guy. I do the same thing when I drink rum.

  • Heather

    2005/01/26 at 6:55 am

    He looks ready to cry!

  • James

    2005/01/26 at 6:55 am

    He looks like someone’s been beating him. Is it you? IS IT YOU?

  • ashly

    2005/01/26 at 6:55 am

    Even with that weak Utah beer?

  • Jason

    2005/01/26 at 6:55 am

    I was excited when my first son began to crawl. Big mistake. Next came a brother. Two mobile little boys under the age of 3 is trouble. Can you say PB and J in the CD player?

  • shannon

    2005/01/26 at 6:54 am

    i’m assuming shan is irish … because when i toss a few back my irish cheeks turn red. but i hate ass-u-me-ing.

  • Honey Bunny

    2005/01/26 at 6:55 am

    so weird.

    i have a friend who is just as adorable as Shan and he gets beer hickies too! how can you NOT find that cute?

    mmm…love the beard!

  • no2

    2005/01/26 at 6:54 am

    ouch, that looks painful!

  • alyssa

    2005/01/26 at 6:54 am

    wow i am quick today.

  • Alaska Danielle

    2005/01/26 at 6:52 am

    That’s funny. I would be laughing harder, but he looks so sad.

  • cottoncandygirl

    2005/01/26 at 6:54 am

    yeast allergy? Maybe he should have yogurt before drinking.

  • Library Girl

    2005/01/26 at 8:24 pm

    Now that I read that it’s sounds kinda bad, I meant that with love. Lots and lots of love, because you are special Heather. Okay, I meant that in a “good” way, not a “Damn that girl has issues” way. Yeah, so it’s past midnight here on the east coast, I’m going to bed. Sometimes I’m just blown away by my intelligence.

  • DoulaBrooke

    2005/01/26 at 8:06 pm

    My sister found your site many months ago after she Googled her name (Heather) and she thought that I would like to read your blog since I was going through some of the same things you were (babies, boobs, etc). I have been a “fan” ever since, and was ever so pleased to find out your name is Heather Brooke, as my sister is Heather and I am Brooke!

  • Library Girl

    2005/01/26 at 8:21 pm

    *laughing so hard, I think a little pee came out*
    Okay, only a very special person would have a blog w/ commenters breaking into Lionel Richie songs.

  • forgive me

    2005/01/26 at 8:04 pm

    heather, hang in there! you are brave and beautiful and very, very blessed! leta is gorgeous and thriving and will reach her milestones when she needs to. you have a wonderful husband who obviously loves you very much.
    i am among those who have posted not so nice comments. for the record, i NEVER posted anything mean about leta. i just thought that you came off as a little self-centered at times. but who the heck am i to say anything? i don’t know you or the struggles you face on a daily basis on a personal level. nobody else who posts mean comments does either. please forgive me for contributing to your suffering.

  • Alaska Danielle

    2005/01/26 at 8:01 pm

    Cathi – DUDE. We definitely have some strippage here (Great Alaskan Bush Company, Crazy Horse, Fantasies…er, uh, so I hear) but, sadly, none of them are ‘bring your own beer’.

    If the military doesn’t jerk you around too much, where in Alaska will you be?

  • Dr. Johnny Fever

    2005/01/26 at 8:01 pm

    A funny story:

    When I was a newly minted reporter, part of my duties were to write very short blurbs about the Little League baseball games played in the area covered by my newspaper. I once got an irrate letter from a Little League parent who felt that I unduly played-up the on-field exploits of a child other than his own — his kid’s teammate. He called me all sorts of names and actually threatened to kick my ass.

    At that moment, I realized that writing can, at times, be hazardous to your health. But not writing is even more hazardous.

    We all stand behind you, Heather. I’d take a beer hickey right between the eyes for you any day.

  • Chloe (is here)

    2005/01/26 at 7:59 pm

    Oh, dooce. We wub you too. (Yes, I know I just typed wub. Now I must ask you to say it out loud. Say it… please? “They wub me too.” It’s very important to be wubbed, and despite the occasional shitheads, there are tons of us non-feces faced people who think the world of you.)
    Also, a little lame joke to cut the overly sweet love-fest (hopefully I haven’t posted it here before):
    How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
    One, and that’s not funny.

  • Chris from Ohio

    2005/01/26 at 8:00 pm

    So… close… to 400 comments. Must… reach. Can’t let beer-rash or brainless weasil mail stop us. Must… go on. Live to blog. Blog to live!!! (3)

  • RedheadEditor

    2005/01/26 at 7:55 pm

    Love your blog. But seriously, the same thing happens to my husband, and it’s because he’s allergic to beer or the sulfites in the beer. Use caution, Dear Shan. Keep writing, Heather!

  • Cathi

    2005/01/26 at 7:43 pm

    Alaska Danielle (#392 – Thanks! I have Netscape, but this is probably the first time I’ve used it.)

    If you ever saw any of the girls they have at this bar, you’d understand. They couldn’t stock enough alcohol for their patrons to adequately beer goggle.

    It breaks my heart to hear you don’t have these things there. We may be heading to Alaska in 6 months or so (military). Such a pity.

  • Lavanotes

    2005/01/26 at 7:40 pm

    I’m so glad I found your site. I can’t remember when I found it or how or why but I’m so very glad I did. I come in here every single day and enjoy your writing so very much. Thank you.

  • David

    2005/01/26 at 7:37 pm

    It amazes me how many comments you get on a total stranger to the web. Do all of you actually connect to the guy that blushes when drinking that much?

    I think that your writing has developed over the months though. Perhaps once *someone* is grown up you can apply for a job at the local “times”.

  • Alaska Danielle

    2005/01/26 at 7:36 pm

    Cathi (#358) – You can see the numbers if you change your browser. I use Mozilla (, but you can also see them in Netscape. The downloads are free, so hop to it!

    That fact that you have an XXX bar in town that is BYOB absolutely cracks me up.

  • Katie

    2005/01/26 at 7:30 pm

    GOD, you should totally smite the arses who flame Heather and the family. And while you’re at it, could you possibly smite my physics teacher? Thanks. Amen.

  • nickyp

    2005/01/26 at 7:29 pm

    I’ve only commented on your site once before, but I’ve often started comments and then deleted them because I hate to sound like I’m fawning. This time I’m going to overcome that and say what I think.

    I don’t get people who take potshots at those who poke their heads over the barricades and take the risks for the rest of us. Don’t they understand that by being out there and open and honest you make it that little bit easier for everyone else to do the same? And that’s a VERY good thing.

    I have to thank you and Jon (and Leta … and Chuck) for your sites. Your blogs have become daily reading for my partner & I and helped us through the toughest year of our lives – our son’s first one. When things are bad it helps immensely to read your posts and know that neither of us is going mad and we’re not the only new parents to find it difficult, scarey and bewildering. I wish I could write as openly, honestly and as well about my struggles, but I can’t. I’m bloody glad that you can. Keep doing it, don’t ever think of stopping – at least until a really good book deal comes along, or maybe a film. Who do you think should play you?

  • Seven

    2005/01/26 at 7:28 pm

    Ok Heather, you don’t know me, and I don’t really know you, but I really feel like I do. I mean, I feel like a complete loser for saying this, but as a long time reader of your blog, I feel like I do know you as a person. Your blogs, whether they’re deep like the one you just posted, or about finding whole lima beans in your daughters poop, make me look forward to reading about what’s going on in your life every day. Yes, people actually do sit around waiting for you to blog so we can read about beans in your daughter’s poop.

    So, even when a few people do say awful things about you or others, remember you have so many people who love you, like Jon, Leta, your friends…and thousands of strangers in cyberspace. =)

  • Jay

    2005/01/26 at 7:20 pm

    Heather, I’m your Luca Brasi; I’m your Doc Holliday. Somebody fucks with you, just tap me on the shoulder and say “take care of this”, and consider it done.

    You are way too cool to be toyed with.

    First time poster, long time reader. Love your show.

  • Lisa on Maui

    2005/01/26 at 7:13 pm


    Aloha from Maui–We LOVE you!

  • kjc

    2005/01/26 at 7:15 pm

    You are quite simply the bravest, funniest most honest woman I don’t know.

  • Every one knows it's Wendy

    2005/01/26 at 7:18 pm

    Heather we love you and your family…that is all.

  • Sue From Ohio

    2005/01/26 at 6:52 pm

    Heather, you are such an inspiration to so many people. I actually hurt for you when I read your post. Leta will know her Mom is one helluvan awesome broad when she gets older (even without the blog)…just remember this quote from Dr. Seuss (which was given to your friend Beth by Lori)…today is the first time I’ve ‘heard’ it and have literally thought about it all day anywho:
    Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.
    –Dr. Seuss

    PS–WE LOVE YOU IN OHIO!! and thanks for letting us post comments, make friends, and just be NUTS 🙂

  • G~

    2005/01/26 at 6:42 pm

    That looks like a nasty allergy to me. Sorry, Shan, skip the beer & eat more cake!

  • jordan

    2005/01/26 at 6:43 pm

    I don’t usually comment, because I for some reason think that the 1st comment will matter but the 381st won’t. But I just want to say that:

    a.I’ve been reading your blog everyday for the past 2 months
    b. I think you’re a beautiful person with a beautiful family
    c. I don’t know why anybody would say mean things about you or your family
    and d. I have a pointy chin too.

  • Trance

    2005/01/26 at 6:47 pm

    Thank you so, so, so much for that post – you have no damn idea how much I needed to read that today. I quoted some of it on my blog (I linked you, of course), I hope you don’t mind. I have been getting the haters coming out of the woodwork lately, and God, that post just hit the spot. Thank you so much, your writing means a lot to me.

  • Yasmin

    2005/01/26 at 6:31 pm

    If I could only get more than four comments a day. . . . Send your hate mail to me. I will take care of them. 🙂 Don’t let them bother you!

  • Torie

    2005/01/26 at 6:35 pm

    Heather Brooke, a beautiful name for a beautiful, intelligent, hysterical, and very strong woman. Keep your head high, and know that people only hate on you because they aren’t as cool as you.

  • Amanda B.

    2005/01/26 at 6:36 pm

    Yasmin. You georgeous tan hussy you. I will comment on your site that you are a blond tan surfing hussy woman! I AM NOT JEALOUS, you amply bossomed woman who is a hussy. 😉

  • Valerie

    2005/01/26 at 6:29 pm

    I unexpectedly come across your site about six months ago and now have made your daily entries a part of my daily life.
    I have read your recent entry about mean people saying mean things and I am so sad to know that anybody would do such things to you and your family. Bad things should happen to those horrid people.
    Your daily entries really have nothing in common with my life (unmarried student in Canada…) but I still love checking in everyday without delay.
    I hope that you, Jon, Leta, and Chuck will continue having happy, funny, bizarre, public place giggle-worthy, wonderful lives that you can continue to share on this site.


  • Dang cold in Toronto

    2005/01/26 at 6:27 pm

    Never commented b4 but I’ve been watching for a bit. Dooce, what I like about you the most is that you always seem to get back on your feet after taking a hit. Thats the important thing isn’t it?? Every pic of Leta reminds me of how I should drop in and visit my 8mth old niece more often.

    Happy belated b-day blotchy and enough about Kenny Rogers. Lets talk about Neil Young…..

    “oh to live on….sugar mountain…”

  • Uppercase GOD

    2005/01/26 at 6:22 pm




  • tracee

    2005/01/26 at 6:25 pm

    But what about all of the nice people in the world……I do believe we far outway the UGLY, BROKEN SOULS that get off on hurting others!!!!
    YOU….MAKE….ME….LAUGH DOOCE!!! Don’t ever forget it!

  • tracee

    2005/01/26 at 6:26 pm


  • kattaka

    2005/01/26 at 6:27 pm

    Haters are dumb – they only hurt themselves in the end …. beer blushing is super cute & funny. The guy is lucky – it makes him all adorable looking… girls love that.

  • birty

    2005/01/26 at 6:16 pm

    My dad’s entire face turns red. Especially when he drinks Stingers, which are his favorite.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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