Heater, Mother of Lance

Beer hickey

This is our bud, Shan, who blushes everytime he drinks a sip or two of a beer. That is just too cute. His birthday was yesterday and I forgot to wish him HAPPY NUMBER 30! We love you, Shan. Can’t wait for the wedding.

(Note: I am going to open up comments, but here are today’s rules: 1) If you say ANYTHING about my daughter and her motor development I will delete your comment, and 2) LISTEN TO GOD.)

  • Cammie

    2005/01/26 at 6:21 pm

    hey at least you get the courtesy of hate mail. I got Department of Child Welfare at my door.

  • Daxohol

    2005/01/26 at 6:15 pm

    Much love to Dooce, Jon, Leta and Chuck. You are to my blogging addiction as alcohol is to beer.

  • Alyssa

    2005/01/26 at 6:10 pm

    Wow! That’s just from drinking? Looks like somebody freshly beat the crap out of him…


  • heathabee

    2005/01/26 at 6:14 pm

    This one time, on my blog, I wrote an entry about how I think I’m a horrible person and how I’m working really really hard on trying to be more tolerating and accepting and less critical and I am working on being a nicer person who loves everyone instead of being mean to them.

    Then, the next morning, I woke up and did my round-abouts online. My email, my favorite blogs (yours included, dooce – every morning!), etc, and finally, I got to my own site to check it for any comments that had been left over night. In my chatterbox (where anyone can leave any comment – with name or anonymously) someone left a comment that said “Are you sure you’re working on the person you are, because it doesn’t seem like it to me” – obviously this person knew me and I can just tell you how much it cut like a knife to read that. I know you know what I mean.

    I have a history with people writing things to/about me so immediately it struck a cord. When I found out that it was one of my neighbours in residence, one of the girls I was moving in with the following year, someone I had entered into a contract with to LIVE with everyday for at least a year, my heart was broken and my trust for her was lost for good.

    I know how you feel, Heather.. I get numerous comments that tell me how funny I am, or supportive comments or funny comments and comments from friends and family… but it’s those few that stick out and hurt the most. It’s hard to ignore them.

    I am sorry that people out there don’t value your site (and you! and Leta! and Jon!) the way that I do. I have been a faithful reader (and sometimes commentor) on your site for almost 2 years and I guess people who can’t relate to you just feel the need to hurt you because they’re jealous that they don’t get the readership that you do, or can’t express themselves the way you do and they have to hurt you in the places that they know you’re the most vulnerable or unsure of.

    Please remember that there are HUNDREDS of us out there who love your site (and you! and Leta! and Jon!) and who value your opinion and view on life and that any of us would fight to the death to get rid of those jerks who feel the need to weigh in on your life.

    You are doing a great job, and you are a great person and a great talent. We support you.. and we hate those jerks that make you question yourself, those jerks that make you cry, those jerks who hurt you to make themselves feel better!

    I hope that we posters continue to make you feel a bit better and that you continue sharing your life with us despite those jerks who are trying to scare you away!

    take care of yourself (and Leta! and Jon!)


  • haplys

    2005/01/26 at 6:01 pm

    So next week’s Project Runway looks killa.

  • Bucky Four-Eyes

    2005/01/26 at 6:06 pm

    Thanks, Heather, for not signing off of blogging when a lesser woman would’ve shut all of us bozos out long ago.

    Dooce.com — your best source of poop and monkey lovin’. But don’t ever mix the two, lest you have dung a-flyin’.

  • Shan

    2005/01/26 at 5:54 pm

    WHAT THE HELL. I’m discovering way too many Shan’s lately. I’m supposed to be the only one. Pfft.

  • ian

    2005/01/26 at 5:56 pm

    glad to see that you are doing better, i was reading your post and i was figuring that you were pulling out a belle-de-jour and closing your blog. so glad that is not the case.

  • LadyBug

    2005/01/26 at 5:57 pm

    Your “sappy” entry made me cry a little. I feel silly saying this to someone I don’t “really” know, but I hurt for you. Even though I’ll probably never be fortunate enough to meet you in person, your site has become such an everyday part of my life, that it feels like we’re old pals now. And whenever a friend is in pain, I hurt for them.

    I know this comment will be lost in the sea of comments you’re receiving tonight. And, actually, that’s great. I’m so glad everyone is showing their support and letting you know how you affect all of our lives. I hope you’ll come back and read all the positive comments here next time some jackass sends hatred your way.

    God bless you, Heather B. Armstrong. (My youngest daughter’s middle name is Brooke, too.)

    And, to quote Mr. Turtle Dude in _Finding Nemo_ …”You so totally ROCK!”

  • Chair

    2005/01/26 at 5:49 pm

    Do you actually read all of these?! I think you’re the wickedest aweseomeist chick. I admire your strength, honesty and humour to Tell It Like It Is. I have a 3 month old and have been dealing with the frustrations of colic and all that other New Mom Stuff and it’s pretty darn cool to read some of your older stuff and be able to relate on some levels.
    PS. I think that kid that tried to pick you up is my ex-boyfriend. Seriously.

  • DeAnn

    2005/01/26 at 5:45 pm

    I, too, turn red when I drink alcohol. I also get hot and headachy. This is a relatively recent phenomenon and it Pisses. Me. Off.

    But not as much as whoever/whatever wrote/said mean things about you and your family. I know it doesn’t help a lot, but you amaze me daily. I not only read your site, but I also talk about it with several of my friends and pass along the witty things you say.

    You and Jon and Leta and Chuck are all so lucky to have each other. And we are SO lucky you choose to share yourself with us. I don’t know what I did before reading this site.

    (Also, I have been away all day, so I have no idea what happened earlier and I think I’d rather not know. Hopefully what I’m saying here makes sense in the context of what I am ignorant about.)

  • Mary in Sacramento

    2005/01/26 at 5:42 pm

    Heather, have you ever thought of opening a forum, instead of a coments section? I don’t know if a forum would be way too much work for you, but it seems to me there’s enough people to merit opening one and there’s some free forum hosting sites out there….

    Just an idea.

    PS, Long Live the Dooce Comments Section Mafia.
    And, tell Beth we think she’s awesome too, and both of you remember what Einstein said:
    “Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence.”

    Much love,

  • Cathi

    2005/01/26 at 5:37 pm

    Alaska Danielle,

    She’s like one of those flower toys that starts wiggling whenever music comes on or someone says the word “dance.” We’ll just have to steer her away from the scary-looking BYOB XXX bar in town.

    And since you mentioned it… how do you see post numbers? How clever is that?

  • Sarah M

    2005/01/26 at 5:35 pm

    Sarah M actually…no confusion for the other Sarah.

  • shonti

    2005/01/26 at 5:35 pm

    Heather, you’re writing and website are amazing.I finally had to say “thank you”. I know for a fact that my online community of women and amazing friends have discovered your writing, your candor and deeply appreciate it. Todays entry made me all tear-y eye’d. (That and the curry I’m making.) Someday I’ll let you know how my life along with my childs, became an open book. In the end, it was the most amazing thing (I pray) to ever happen to me. Leta is a wonder, stand strong. The trolls are only that.

  • Sarah

    2005/01/26 at 5:32 pm

    Heather, I love your Sappy entry! It’s true that people can be mean and cruel and downright hateful. I think that it can be easy to forget how much this is true when you live behind the veneer of politeness that covers most of our interactions with each other. Being so “out there” in a world of anonymity you become a target of all this human waste that floats around. My hope for you and your family is that you are also the recipients of the goodness and comfort that people can bring as well. Blessings.

  • Sarah

    2005/01/26 at 5:34 pm

    Your post this morning upset me. I often refrain from posting comments because i can never write anything as witty or word complex as any one else (my head is usually too numb)…I enjoy your site beyond words and it’s terrible to know the dooce i barely know though adore and admire gets so much unsolicited hate thrown her way. I guess it’s expected though. There are far too many assholes out there and a lot of people are just too stupid to realise what you actually mean or see beyond what you write.

    There is always some one trying to scale you down to make them feel good, but there are many more that think you are just fantastic. And for that, you are very lucky.

    Sarah, and the comment that will be flooded in by a million more and suffocated appropriatley.

  • Amanda B.

    2005/01/26 at 5:15 pm

    Girl A.- I’m all randy now.

  • Carol

    2005/01/26 at 5:19 pm

    GirlA and Amanda B and yes, Dooce, too. Monkey Love!!! ACK! ack! ack! Fuck, drinking wine and listening to EVAN!!! Bring it on!

  • Kristine

    2005/01/26 at 5:08 pm

    OH for the love of God, I am SO not even sappy and that damn post made me cry!

    I CAN NOT stand the ‘me first’ post people, but this morning I got a taste of what it ALMOST felt like to be first. I logged on, there’s the picture…no comments…OH SHIT. I AM FIRST.
    Then I didn’t see the comment box area and was thankful. I really didn’t want to be the first. Even though, for a second…I thought I was.

  • Dr. Johnny Fever

    2005/01/26 at 5:04 pm

    I get hives like that after I have intercourse with certain kinds of livestock. Chickens mostly. Usually clears up after a sitz bath.

  • Girl.A

    2005/01/26 at 5:08 pm

    I thought sooooo.

    Well, since I know what yours looks like, here’s my O Face:

  • amberlyn

    2005/01/26 at 5:03 pm

    my cat weighs 25 pounds. so there. anyone who has a problem with dooce can direct their hate mail at me! i have an obese cat! and it’s all my fault!

  • Carol

    2005/01/26 at 4:53 pm

    This is one of the reasons why I LOVE this site. GirlA, you know me toooooo well. Yes, that was me! : ) Just call me “Splotchy!” LMAO!

  • tina

    2005/01/26 at 4:56 pm

    Don’t forget about all of us readers who don’t comment. You make my day on a regular basis.

    Heather B. Armstrong kicks ass!

  • MrsDoF

    2005/01/26 at 4:49 pm

    For Christie (waaay back #63), that can with sharp edges will be a thing of the past with a can-opener from TUPPERWARE. My cat insists that is the one we use at our house.
    Just don’t ask Heather to go to a party to get one for you.

  • Leon picking up Amanda B's Lionel and running with it

    2005/01/26 at 4:49 pm

    I’ll hold you close in my arms
    I can’t resist your charms
    And love
    Oh love
    I’ll be a fool for you
    I’m sure

    …..now if that doesn’t proove allegiance to Dooce, DJ Blurb, Frog Baby and the Commenting Collective of the Blurbodoocery, I don’t know what will

    I don’t usually sink to Lionel levels until grossly befouling myself with Scotch

    I guess it is love

  • Girl.A

    2005/01/26 at 4:48 pm


    I want to share all my love with you

    No one else will do

    And your eyes

    Your eyes, your eyes

    They tell me how much you care

    Oh yes, you will always be my endless love

  • peg

    2005/01/26 at 4:46 pm

    not like you’ll read this, but if you or your friend beth are reading a comment you don’t like, please don’t waste your time and take it to heart. just immediately tell the poster to GO SCREW.

  • Carol

    2005/01/26 at 4:46 pm

    I haven’t read all 339 comments yet, and, of course, I will!! BUT, Heather, I am sorry (and you know how sorry I am) that you have had to endure hateful things. You are a wonderful mother (and person), and you have a wonderful family and support system. Even though there are those out there who are hateful, there are even more here under the “daily photo” who love you and all that you are doing. And you’ve made us love each other, too. This website and all the commenters are so awesome. I look forward to it everyday. Even when I don’t have time to check in… I eventually do. Thank you!!

  • closet metro

    2005/01/26 at 4:45 pm

    My fiiiirrst love,
    You’re every breath that I take
    You’re every step I make


  • Margaret Mary

    2005/01/26 at 4:37 pm

    I love your site, cowbell and all! I think that you and Jon seem to be excellent parents. I can relate to you so much. Don’t listen to the haters. Everyone I know who reads this site loves you & what you are doing.

  • ensie

    2005/01/26 at 4:39 pm

    I’m really pleased to see you weigh in on the Finslippy drama. I, too, was upset by the treatment she received am glad to see that she is posting again. I love reading the parts of your life you enjoy sharing. Thanks!

  • Kimber

    2005/01/26 at 4:35 pm

    Oh dooce. I love you. You are the best mother and writer and wife ever. Your blog is the most awesome I have ever read and if I have ever written anything that even remotely came across as rude, please- please forgive me. You are so brave and honest and terribly gifted. Thank you for making my world brighter by having this site. hugs!

  • Amanda B.

    2005/01/26 at 4:37 pm

    Luuuuuv. There’s only you in my life. Thing only thing that’s riiiiight.

    And Yooooooooou.

    You mean the world to meeeeeeeeee.

    everybody now

  • Erika

    2005/01/26 at 4:33 pm

    Thank you for your wonderful post. Keep doing it for you and Leta and John. The rest is irrelevant. Really.

  • Annejelynn

    2005/01/26 at 4:30 pm

    The Newsletters (written monthly to Leta by her Mama) are priceless! Invaluable! If you haven’t read EVERY SINGLE ONE, I highly recommend them – and get yourself a box of Kleenex before you begin. They’re absolutely overflowing with motherly love!

  • Liz

    2005/01/26 at 4:27 pm

    someone has to be extremely uneducated to make fun of leta. i actually had a dream i asked you and your husband if her name was lee-tah or le-tuh… don’t ask! for my own curiousity, i looked at motor development in my child development book (i am doing a project on it ironically) and leta (from what i read) is where 90% of most infants are.

    i would be proud to have a mother like you who documented my first years of life with such accuracy.

  • RazDreams

    2005/01/26 at 4:26 pm

    And the line “but sometimes even the dead place inside of me isn’t big enough to hold the hurt” just about sent me over the edge. Plus, it’s probably just the wine. You know.

  • Andrea

    2005/01/26 at 4:25 pm

    I can’t really say anything new. Just wanted to pipe in…I’ve been reading for a couple of months and love the site. You are a gifted writer. My kiddos are 6 and 8 so I enjoy looking back at the baby days too. You are a terribly honest and brave woman – I admire you – best wishes.


  • Annejelynn

    2005/01/26 at 4:24 pm

    For Heather –
    Although a sappy confession, indeed, since my discovery of your website (recommended by my boyfriend’s ex-wife), I think about you every day – crazy, but true. YOU ARE AN INSPIRATION!

    On the weekends (unable to take a peek while at work), I’ll even disable my Norton Antivirus, just so I can see your photos. (And I am absolutely paranoid when it comes to comp. viruses…)

    Once I had the chance to check in again today, your sappiest post for today had me crying (once again). Thank you for sharing your life.

  • RazDreams

    2005/01/26 at 4:23 pm

    After reading that post, I have to say: I love you, Heather Brooke Hamilton Armstrong. People can love someone they haven’t met but only “know” online, because I’m sure *many* of us love you and your family. We genuinely care about your (mental and physical) well-being. Stay strong and understand that there will ALWAYS be haters out there. Unfortunately, they hate themselves but take it out on others instead. Live your life, make your mistakes, and forget about the nay-sayers. They truly have nothing better to do than criticize you.

  • mg2

    2005/01/26 at 4:21 pm

    Anne, to those of us who know Barry more intimately, he is affectionately called Barry all-NIGHT-long Manilow.

  • Annejelynn

    2005/01/26 at 4:16 pm

    Thanks to Circus Kelli’s earlier suggestion (11:53AM), I have had Barry Manilo songs invading my train of thought ALL DAY LONG…and I don’t know that many of his songs!?! I wish ABBA (I love ABBA) had stuck instead, but no, it had to be Barry all-day-long Manilo. Tonight, I have 3 hrs of night class to look forward to – can anyone suggest a GOOD “gets stuck in your head” kind of song?

  • JP

    2005/01/26 at 4:17 pm

    DEAR GOD (although, not the GODs commenting) I sincerely hope I’ve never offended anyone.

    Love to Dooce…love to the site. So sorry the world is full of complete ASSHOLES.

  • mg2

    2005/01/26 at 4:16 pm

    BFE, you had me at ayup.

  • agitated cat

    2005/01/26 at 4:03 pm


  • TXintheUK

    2005/01/26 at 4:11 pm

    Heather — to use a phrase that is so 90s — YOU ROCK! Don’t ever change and PLEASE don’t stop writing.

    p.s. people who insult babies should have their ears sliced with a manilla envelope and then doused with lemon juice.

  • Alaska Danielle

    2005/01/26 at 4:12 pm

    Cathi (#316) – Your daughter is lap dancing already?!


  • Bucky Four-Eyes

    2005/01/26 at 4:14 pm

    If homosexuals come out of the closet, do ham-o-sexuals come out of the smoke house?

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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