An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation
  • Susie

    Ooh ooh!(Raising my hand and frantically waving!) I had the best ass doctor ever: Dr. Butt. I swear. Well, I was referred to him, but I didn’t actually GO to him, I picked someone else, because HIS NAME WAS DR. BUTT!!!!

  • Carla Beth

    Weinerland. The Weiner Bunch. Leave it to Weiner. MacWeiners. JCWeiner. Weiner Towers. Buster Weiners. Jiffy Weiner. Stanley Weiner. Weiner Elevator Company.

  • Nikki

    My daughter has been fighting naps period since she was an infant. You better believe that I have taken the long way home on more than 50 occassions. Sometimes you just have to.

  • Carla Beth

    What’s weird is when someone’s last name is Weiner. Rusty Weiner? Mr. and Mrs. Weiner? Weiner Drive-thru? What do you want on your weiner, Weiner? Butthead and Weiner? Weiner, Jr? Weiner, Sr?

    I worked for a Weiner once. Deliveryman … “Where’s Weiner?”

  • I used to work near a town called Lizard Lick, NC. What kind of sick pervert licks lizards? If you do, do you lick the top or the bottom side? I’d venture the belly is more tasty.

  • and i promise i won’t have another piece o of thos chocolate that’s sitting in a box righ there next to me.. calling my name.. wafting it’s chocolately goodness smell into my nostrils…. no.. not one more piece.



  • Annejelynn

    So far I’ve never met an unhappy “Joy” – but what if your name was Joy and ya happened to be a royal biatch? Or what if your name was Chastity? w/ that name, either way — virginal priss or raging slut — yer screwed w/ that name.

  • eileen dover

    The Sears dept store near our house is always losing letters too. For awhile, it was EARS. Currently, it’s SARS. I feel like I should wear a face mask if I ever shop there.

  • All of this signs-missing-letters talk reminds me of Revenge of the Nerds II, when they turned the “HOTEL CORAL ESSEX” sign into “HOT ORAL SEX.”

  • Awww, Annejelynn, thanks for the mention.

    ‘Kay…back to the funny whatnot…
    I went to high school with a guy named Dusty Poehl (pronounced like Pail). Everyone called him Rusty Bucket. *snort*

  • Liz
  • My xhusband had to get a colonoscopy, and it was done by a guy named Dr. Manley. Dr. Manley the ass doctor.

  • Annejelynn

    Refering to comments made last night, all in “Holly retaliation:”

    mg2 WITH THE LAST WORD said at 11:20PM, 01.31.2005:

    ….it’s coming…


    Mrs.Strizzay said at 10:24PM, 01.31.2005:

    Holly Holly Bo Bolly Nafattass Ho Holly Me My Go Fuck Yourself

    LMAO and AGAIN crying like a ninny! my smiley muscles hurt!

    I’ve only been reading/submitting comments for less than a week’s time now – but I already know whose comments I look forward to…Girl.A, Amanada B., Circus Kelli, RazDreams, BGSam, closetmetro, U.B., Bucky4eyes, LadyBug, Trance, amberlyn, etc. etc. (off the top of my head in no particular order there, and I could on and on, so I won’t)

    — and there’s always the occasional dooce sighting!

    You guys rock! Thank you all for your life lovin’ shits n’ giggles – and for your sensitivity; your humanity. *sniff, sniff*

  • DM

    La La in Nashville – when I was in high school, I was in the drama club and was cast in a play as man-hating Miss Hatchett. One of my lines was “Eschew the company of men, they are the minions of Satan.”

    Yeah, I read it as Satin. Thanks for the memory!

  • Annejelynn

    yer awesome SUSIE – and yer so sweet to tell your mama how well she did! look at cha now kid! thanks again!

  • Liz

    Funny names:

    Bong Recreation Area (off I-94 in Wisconsin)

    My dentist: Dr. Lipps

    Famous Texan: Ima Hogg

  • Susie

    Here I am. And now it’s my turn to cry. Glad you had a “selfish” mama, too. I read all the comments from yesterday, too, and many people seemed to identify with being children of those godawful selfish parents and grandparents. My goodness, how few of us (them) there would be if only perfectly physically and mentally healthy people were allowed to procreate.

    But poor, dear Holly got so many kind invitations to kiss, suck, finger, etc., that I’m sure she’ll be busy for a while, and maybe after all that lovin’ she’ll be in a better mood.

    Hugs to each of you who said such kind things after my comment yesterday. (That’s hugs, guys; none of the sucky, fingery stuff that Holly gets . . .)

    And on one of today’s topics, I have met both Harry Dingle and Rusty Pipes.

  • “Bill Williams” That’s redundant, man.
    In the same vein (heh heh, vein), there used to be an anchor on the ABC affiliate in Grand Rapids, MI named Dick Richards.

  • Jenni

    Almost forgot… my husband’s grandfather was named Bill Williams. Of course, you know what the Bill is short for…

  • Cathi

    Worst kid’s name I’ve ever heard was when I worked at an answering service. Woman calls her pediatrician about her sick little girl, Microwavenia.

  • 01234

    Leta looks at you with this ‘hey what are you doing?’ expression that makes me think she knows all about the camera and the future significance of this thing that mom keeps doing. One of these days she’s going to surprise you by saying it’s a helicopter, not an airplane. She’ll put two fingers up in front of the camera and say ‘Enough, Ma! Suck That!’

  • Ooooh, I love burned out signs. I’m still waiting for the “G” to burn out on the Black Angus restaurant down the street.

  • hehehe while we’re on this subject:

    my eye doctor’s name is donald macdonald.

    his brother’s name is ronald macdonald.

    donald and ronald macdonald? what on *earth* were their parents thinking?

  • Cathi

    There’s a plastic surgeon in Maryland named Jack Frost. He does noses.

  • Kellie

    I used to work in the Pediatric ER, and we used to have a boy with CP come in there named Nick Knack. Why?

  • Annejelynn

    Just read all the comments posted last night after I had left for wk ‘n hauled off to get me a nummy-num-num margarEetah!

    SUSIE — SUSIE!!!
    wherever you are – you made me bawl my eyes out!!! Recently, an absolute IGNORANT fool made a totally senseless comment TO MY FACE about my mother — bkground info: my mum died in ’87 after battling Hodgkins disease for 17 yrs. She was terminal when my father met her and he married her anyhow, and they conceived a child anyhow, KNOWING that she would, indeed die.

    Now, I know bystanders, IGNORANT bystanders, would claim HOW SELFISH CAN YA GET? But man, ya didn’t know my mama!?! I don’t care what anyone says –sure, I would prefer she were still around (miss her all the time), BUT despite my mother’s illness my mother did her damnedest to care for me and love me and teach me all she could before she ‘left’ me to a HUGELY LOVING extended family, all set with the tools and resources to make myself who I am today. She did me no harm – only those ASS WIPES who tried to rain on my parade that is my mother’s loving legacy!

  • That reminds me of a church sign that read “Sun worship 10:00am” I was like hmmmmm… sun worship. Still too freakin early.

  • Gotta go with Jenni on the Big Beaver Rd. thing. You can’t tell me someone didn’t plan for this to be exit 69.

  • TjL

    We were walking along Daytona Beach a few years ago in the evening and the local Days Inn had several letters out on their sign (wish I had my camera with me). Instead of


    it read

    A S IN

    Fortunately there were no arrows pointing to what room the sin was taking place in.

    I do have a picture somewhere of a sign seen outside of a Subway restaurant:


    (this was pre-Jared, I guess he is the official national ASS MANAGER of Subway now)

  • Annejelynn

    My lil’ brother’s ski instructor last x-mas at Keystone, CO was named
    “Les Hare.”

  • Jenni

    My mom went to school with boy/girl twins… Jack and Jill Hill.

    She also worked with a lady named Liberty Bell.

    My favorite funny name however belongs to an exit on Interstate75 in Troy, MI. Exit #69 is called Big Beaver Rd.

  • I like what I read so everyday I go clickity click click on those ads.

  • Miss Mea-Mea

    I missed getting to post to all the excitement yesterday, so here’s my late contribution:

    Heather – Happy first birthday to Leta and congratulations to you and Jon for all the great things that you’ve done and chronicled here for the world to see. You and Jon are the kind of intelligent people that make me happy to see have babies and populate the next generation with kids raised by cool people.

    Leta is beautiful. She was beautiful in her newborn pictures, and she’s just gotten more so as each new picture comes along. She is a little person already and it’s great to see her grow up. All thanks to her excellent parents!

    And, thanks for hanging in there. I’ve been reading for a few years now and it always surprises me how hateful people can be. Well meaning ignorance is one thing, trolling is quite another. You had to shut down comments on your posts, so people started trashing your photo comments instead. One expects that we are all adults that can handle a little fun and honesty without getting over the line, right? But no, their hate is apparently all your fault – never theirs.

    The blogging community used to be a fun and wacky place. Now that it’s mainstream enough for Granny to have her own blog, longtime online personalities have to worry about spam, trolls, lawsuits, and the FBI sniffing down their asses. It might have made blogs grow up a bit, but it also leeches the fun out of it when people see fit to pick apart your every word, photo, and action. This is your space, these are your thoughts, and that fact that you’ve stuck in there DAILY for years, paying for excessive bandwidth, sweating over design layout, AND put up with all the drama…man, that’s just fucking cool.

    So, about Leta and the frosting – my mom took a picture of me at my second birthday party, mining for nose gold. Ah, good times.

  • I went to grade school with a lad whose parents tagged him with the name Rob Banks.
    Think his folks were planning for their retirement funding?

  • My 4th grade teacher’s name was Mrs. Coonrod. Seriously.

    And I agree with mg2, brando, your multi-faceted double intendres were magnifique.

  • La-la in nashville

    In my mom’s hometown in Georgia, some teenagers wanted to spray paint “Satan Rules” on a school bus (which was driven by my uncle). However, the irony is that they couldn’t spell, so they painted “Satin Rules” instead.

    “Down with silk!” I say. “Satin rules!”

  • Moving real estate signs in to peoples yards so it looked like there house was for sale was always amusing.

    We used to do the sign rearranging thing at a farmer’s market down the way. One night they were waiting for us in a truck and high beamed us and we took off running through the orchard. Seeing 4 guys flip head over heels at the same time after running into a waist high wire fence must have made the farmers nights. We all had some nice cuts across our stomachs too.

    Amanda B – I drive an Element now. The ultimate Hooptie! It converts into a bed.

  • Wendy

    Our police chief was Les Balls. :\

  • My Aunt teaches kindergarten in Idaho and there is a boy in her class names RACE CARR. Yeah, wtf is right.

  • Ah, First Security… I worked with them for a few months back in 1993 when they were changing over one of their banking systems. I had to fly out to SLC (always on Delta) about five times. The best part about that assignment was being able to go skiing at Alta. What powder!!! Thanks Dooce for the memories.

  • I went to Junior High with a guy named Cass Grabber. Now WHY would parents do something like that to their child?

  • Bess

    There was a guy in my class with the name Richard (aka: Dick) Head.
    He lived up to his name.

  • Robyn


    I’ve emailed you before about my own experiences with PM and depression. I too, suffered from depression before I got pregnant with my daughter. The effects of PM and my regular depression led me to try to take my life. Thankfully it didn’t work, but it almost did.

    I have NEVER NEVER regreted having Ashley. She is the absolute joy of my life. These typed words can’t even begin to convey what I feel about her.

    Unfortunately there are quite a few “Holly”s in the world who live their life in some sort of dank and smelly place that resembles the ordor of Ashley’s diapers.

    I’m not sure they can even experience joy.

    I love you Heather and the guts you had sharing your experience with the world has helped me tremendously.

    I apologize for all the spelling errors! 🙂

  • Lets see what else can we do?

  • Dang cold..

    I once new a Mike Hunt in University. Poor Guy.

  • mg2

    brando, you win the best comment of the fucking MONTH award. I’m still convulsing with laughter over that one.

  • Home to mothered beef roasts and Waffle Hos.

  • hey, i want to try!

    * pongtip pimpaporn

  • * But how did you get it to be green?

  • p-hawk

    My mother knew someone in college named Ima Junebug. Now who on earth would name their kid “Ima” anything?

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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