An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Eli sharing his big book with Leta: UBER CUTE

  • Jenna

    I am wondering how Dooce uses the Keeper Cup to catch boogers from Leta’s runny nose – or was that a joke?

    Also, I have been using a diaphragm for years (not the same one!)during my period to avoid using paper products. And so I can have sex during my period.

    At work, there are a few private bathrooms – I definitely don’t rinse out my diaphragm in front of other people. If I lived in a hippie community (in which I used to live during college) it would probably not be a big deal.

    This is what it takes to use the diaphragm for this purpose – and also what I assume it would take if *I* used the cup.

    I choose a private single bathroom, put a couple of paper twoels down next to the sink and bring one with me to carry the diaphragm with, dump the diaphragm in the toilet, trying not to get my hands messy, pull up my pants as much as I can with one hand, go/waddle to the sink, turn the water on and rinse it out, put the diaphragm on the towel, wash my hands, walk back to the bathroom stall, and put it back in, try to keep my hands clean, come back to the sink and wash my hands again.

    But here’s the thing – if you are a heavy bleeder, and you are using this method, you have to put something in your pants to catch the continuous drip WHILE YOU ARE RINSING. I usually fold up a few squares of tp and put them in my underwear while I rinse. But I prefer not to do that during the heavy flow. Because there can be accidents.

    So it may be a savings for the paper products on tampons, but I think I use triple the paper towels for hand washing and resting the diaphragm on the counter, double the tp, so I have something in my pants while I go rinse. And double the water and soap for handwashing cause I have to do it twice. As opposed to once with changing tampons.

    Never realized this before.

  • I definitely think we need to have a different name for the Keeper. The current name is misleading, and may cause people to think they need to store that which *should not* be stored.
    Therefore, I propose these new monikers:
    The Twat Tuba
    The Red Reservoir
    The Blood Basin
    Cuppa Jane
    and one just for Miz Striz:
    The Vampire Flask!

  • Fran et al. re:The Keeper…still…I think someone needs to explain how dumping blood in a public sink does not create any health safety concern…and explain to me how you are able to wash out your keeper in a public bathroom without grossing out other people. (ie. co-workers)

  • Suzy, Rachel, and Sim: Thanks for expounding on the advantages of the Keeper Menstrual Cup. It really is environmentally friendly and is better for the body than tampons. But it takes a unique woman to be able to handle the concept.

    Menstruation is a natural bodily function…for women only, of course.

    Dooce: Making the world safe for menstruation and work poopers.

  • A Keeper Cup!? Sounds like something you’d use to save up all of Leta’s mucus so you can present it to her on her 18th birthday.

    Yeeesh, there goes my appetite.

  • tickled

    Since we’re all over the map with the crazy-named towns, how about the one in Germany named Rottenegg?

  • Umm Dr. Johnny, you know you have to get rid of all your naughty hairs. One bit of advice, shave it. Don’t Nair it.

  • DTG_081642KFEB05

    Just have to add another to the wacky town list…here in N.S.W. Australia, We have a place named “Rooty Hill”. Might go over the heads of them in USA

  • Dang cold..

    Oh and “Julianne….suffering in Halifax” is right. We have Jesuits running our booz intake in this country except for Quebec. We’re one step away from Utah. 😛

  • calsmama

    Just have to add to the wacky town list…

    I live in Washington State near the town of Humptulips. I think it is a Native American name, but it always provided plenty of fodder for Junior High jokes.

  • Heather – I may have missed this somewhere traversing through your daily archives, but could you clue me in on how much your Nikon D70 cost you? I’m seeing an enormous price range, and don’t want to pay out the ass if I don’t have to. Thanks!

  • tickled

    Jess (#281)–
    Ah’m wit’ you on da problem of
    copin’ wit’ da Keeper in da company washroom. See
    #130 in yestiddy’s comments.
    Revolting li’l device, no? Druther
    yank a string any ol’ day.

  • Dang cold…


    Morons? MORONS?!?!?!? I hope you get a nasty, chafing bout of rectalage and leakbutt that would make quasimodo howl and beg for death. That’ll learn ya…

  • Sim

    Those of you squicked out by the Keeper are missing out. It’s more convenient, more comfortable, more healthy, more affordable, more ecological… Don’t let the Kotex mafia tell you otherwise. Oh, and for those with latex sensitivity, there’s the Diva cup, a silicone version.

  • Neely

    Oh. My. God. I totally can not believe I am #352! That is like the coolest ever!!

    OK, morons, how about you just leave Dooce a nice message instead of talking about what number comment you are.

  • Amberlyn (#314)
    Is defenestrate as in, “Pick a window, ’cause now you’re leavin’?” (Flotsam & Jetsam)

  • W00t! #350!

    Hey is Leta a lefty?!? I’m noticing she’s reaching with her left hand like a natural born lefty always does! I used to be a lefty, but someone didnt WANT ME TO BE A LEFTY, so I’m now a Righty and Lefty. Boo@ control freak parents!

  • Julianne…suffering in Halifax

    In my drunken state I forgot to say thank you for saying “Happy Birthday.”‘ You have no idea how much effort that just took to type.

  • Susie —
    “There is a vas deferens between the Keeper and the Promise Keeper.”

    Can we get a hearty rimshot?

  • Julianne…suffering in Halifax

    i would gladly open another, sadly, the liquor stores close at 9 in halifax and it is now 10:32.

  • Susie

    Open another! It’s your birthday, for cryin’ out loud! Happy Birthday, Julianne.

  • You really miss a lot when you spend the day, uh… doing stuff.

    I live really near Cumming.

  • Susie

    There is a vas deferens between the Keeper and the Promise Keeper.

    I’ll have a little more wine, please.

  • Julianne…suffering in Halifax

    I’m sorry Susie, I’ve just finished the whole bottle.

  • Julianne…suffering in Halifax

    Dear Dr. Johhny Fever,

    Good luck with keeping the vas deferens.

  • Whichever holds the most.

  • Julianne…suffering in Halifax

    I can’t help but write comments, I’m really drunk, I’m supposed to be studying AND it’s my birthday. sorry everyone for this selfish use of space.

  • I’m going to have a vasectomy in the next few months. I need a keeper cup for my vas deferens.

  • In deferens to Dr. Fever, I ask: do you mean a regular Keeper Cup, or the Southern Baptist version, the Promise Keeper’s Cup?

  • cat

    Dooce, Woman, I SOOOO know what you mean. My husband knows his way around a screaming baby, that’s fo’ rizzle, cuz I KNOW when I’m beat.

    Thanks everybody! You’ve been a great crowd! Good night!

  • there’s actually an amish “ghost town” near to my hometown. the whole village burned down in a big fire years ago. the name of the village? limpeytown. i am 100% serious.

  • Julianne, suffering in Halifax

    This is the first time I’ve commented but I just coudn’t resist. I grew up in a western PA town – Pennsyltuckey all the way – and it is an Amish town. There is nothing like drag racing Amish buggies flying by your house at 8 pm. yes, pm. taking their life in their hands they are.

  • Hey, Fish, there’s a Kickapoo Creek runs through town here in Normal, Illinois. Same tribe must have roamed these parts of the prairie.
    What I think is funny is when a wedding is announced in the local paper, the headline will read like Normal man marries Oblong lady. Yes, Normal and Oblong really exist.

    Leta and the shape-sorter toy seem to be getting along fine, but mom might need a breather. Some stuffed animals might be a good distraction.

  • Susie

    Aaawww. A shape-sorter? I love shape shorters. Very therapeutic; just sort everydamnthing out.

  • There’s also a “Kickapoo” in Wisconsin.

    I used to live near Kickapoo.

  • Cristin

    hmmmmmm cock
    tail hour. Could use a drink right now hehheh

  • Wisconsin

    There’s a “Blue Mound” in Wisconsin. It just sounds obscene.

  • Amanda, it’s the cock
    tail hour in EST.

    I don’t know if the poisson got a little head or not but the clam got some steamer action on Saturday morning in the wee hours.

  • I’m glad you’re going to find a use for The Keeper. Multitasking is a good thing.

    Thanks for the mention.

  • Susie

    Oh, another Amish town that 70’s middle schoolers thought was hilarious is Smoketown.

  • Sorry to hear Leta is sick. I hope she gets better REAL soon.

    PS-Do you still want that birthday present?????

  • Ah, Girl A.- you talk so purty. I wonder if that poisson ever got a little head?

  • Geez…what? I said “a little head” and everybody leaves?

    After all the coochie talk that went on here today?

    You buncha Puritans.

  • ohman smoooshed poop.

  • Dang cold…

    Burnt Church, Manitoba.

    that is all

  • Oh how I missed you, Girl.A.

  • Clapper Gap

    I TOTALLY don’t mean to bring down the Clapper Gap party here, but I think the town of Clapper Gap is (at least in California) an urban myth. It’s in all the “funny city names” lists on the Internet, but I can’t find it on any online map.

    I looked it up because I live down the street from Clipper Gap (which isn’t really a town anymore but was a railroad stop in the 1800s). We’re up here in Placer County; they do a lot of filming in Clipper Gap.

    Erm…Clapper Gap is still a funny name, though…

  • I missed you too, fishypoo.

  • Susie

    Very near Intercourse and Blue Ball (it is singular, if memory serves), is the town of Bird-in-Hand. I do not know if there is also a town of Two-in-the-Bush, but maybe . . .

    I used to go on school field trips to Amish country and in middle school, we all went to the gift shops and bought signs with these town names on them, for our rooms, because what could our parents say? They were REAL places, in AMISH country, and we got them on a FIELD TRIP . . . it’s all EDUCATIONAL . . . geez!

  • Girl A. Let me be the first to say Ewwwwww…

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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