An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation
 
An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation
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This is what happens when you tell the dog that no, he can’t come to the grocery store with you and the baby

By Heather B. Armstrong February 8, 2005
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  • annabelle

    Cathi, I am in complete agreement. My post was meant to be tongue in cheek- I was teasing, that’s all- because certainly Heather can’t completely erase her religious heritage.

  • Am I last?!

  • Dang cold…

    No I am..hand me that cepter!!

  • I got you Annabelle, but I don’t speak Mormon or “Saved,” so I have no idea what the copulating with gay homosexuals has to do with it.
    I’m intrigued by the discussion, though… what power Heather must wield to entice a man who’s not attracted to women. It’s pretty impressive, no?

  • annabelle

    Excuse me, I meant “Of course, HE isn’t…”

  • Annabelle,
    How could someone completely exorcise every last bit of conditioning from organized religion? As much as I’d like to think I’ve separated myself from the church I can’t agree with or blindly accept, it’s all I knew growing up; it’s a part of my mindset… an emotional scar.
    With Dooce, I see it in the phraseology she chooses… “Heavenly Father” isn’t a regular term in the Roman Catholic church; I’m assuming it’s a Mormon thing. It’s no endorsement — just what she knows or was conditioned to say. That’s really hard to erase.

  • annabelle

    Has Heather ever acknowledged the very real possibility that she may have been still just a little Mormon while copulating with gay men in L.A.? That perhaps her motivation was conversion- a-la (is that how you write that?) the Jena Malone character in “Saved”? Where’s the pic today? I told five friends last night about this website including an ex-Mormon from Utah who starts to sweat whenever he gets within a hundred miles of Utah- he was so cynical about Mormons that even when I told him how much Heather curses and drinks and is irreverent in general, he still insisted she must still be a little Mormon (Of course HE doesn’t…), which led me to wonder if Heather’s gay lovin’ wasn’t evangelically motivated.

  • sex.. with.. gay men… *erp* The visuals are apalling…

    there should be a law against that!

    No worries. As long as Bush is in office there will be.

    :oP

  • So, Sam. . .Anal Biker Chicks are OK, but Anal Biker Dudes are right out?

  • Sorry, must be as obnoxious as possible, as quickly as possible, because I will be away from my computer most of the day. *bleh*

  • Kristen

    I had the best dream last night. Dooce had a supporting role in a blockbuster movie!

  • Just please don’t tell us the blockbuster movie was “Anal Biker Chicks.”

  • mg2

    I’m pretty sure I enjoy licking dood balls, but only when they’re soft and salty.

  • Wasn’t there a rock song about that? “Dood Balls to the Wall”?

  • Poor duck 😉 hehe

  • I’m pretty sure I kneed a guy in the dood balls one time.

    Or maybe twice.

  • mg2

    come over here and I’ll show you, little girl.

  • bluecheese

    unrelated to this photo, but you have prettty eyes!

  • mg2

    Old Broad, that was touching. Do you want some of my dood balls?

  • MG2:

    *Giggle*

    Sure!

    *whispers to self – what are dood balls?*

  • I, like linuxgrl, went to Fish’s blog today and panicked because, well, it was gone. I miss him. I wanted more pictures of Tiny E. Also, I had no idea that Fish was uppercase GOD, whom I really enjoyed as well. *sniff*

  • annakay said, “when i come here, i feel like i’m sitting with a huge group of friends. there’s always a few of us quiet ones who appreciate what the lively ones have to say. so this is actually a big thank you to everyone.”

    Chiming in to say *Me too* Long-time reader, not with-it enough to figure out how to comment (don’t ask) until just recently, but I so feel like I’m among friends here in the comments section.

    Amanda B, Bucky, Carol, Closet Metro, Dr. Johnny, Fish, Girl A, La Pix, MG2, Mrs Striz, Shiz, Squish, and all the rest…you make me laugh out loud every day with your shenanigans.

    Heartfelt thanks to each and every one of you for making this old broad smile now and then.

    Fish, you will be missed. Please don’t be a stranger.

    Dooce, keep on keepin’ on! You help people every day with your wit and honesty! I appreciate you.

    Um, okay, that’s all I wanted to say.

    *runs back under rock*

  • HDC

    Dooce, you need to hang out with Wendy more! That’s the most genuinely happy you’ve ever been in any pictures you’ve posted of yourself.

    (I’d say the same about the wedding day pics, but most of the shots have you and Jon lip-locked).

  • W00t! #350 AGAIN!!! I’m on a ROLL I TELL YA!

  • Henryk_DTG091638KFEB05

    Cathy milw
    On the other side of the globe (Oz.)…away from the sound of you calling out to your doggie !

  • “Everyone knows it’s Win-deeeeeeeee.”

  • That’s it? That’s all that happens when you say “no” to the dog at your house? You get off easy.

  • linuxgrl

    I just came home from a long day only to find out that Fish’s blog is gone. I’m so sad! I had just fallen hopelessly in love with Tiny E and was looking forward to subjecting my family to many many adorable baby pictures. Whatever will I do? (cries)

  • tk

    Ah… the fun of slumber parties – I’d nearly forgotten. Thank God I was never the first one to fall asleep. I’d be slaughtered now though, I fall asleep with company over at my place!

    Oh yeah, you are SO going to Hell…. Hey, I’ll be there too, we can party! Most of my friends will be there as well, so at least we can have a really good time.

  • well of COURSE that’s what happens.

  • Squish

    I haven’t been here in a while(not while I was sober, anyway). Can someone tell me why and when FISH has gone away? Thanks in advance.

  • He got smited.

  • cat

    What the hell is a dood ball?

    Ooooooh, wait: is THAT what you crazy kids are calling it these days?

  • Just thought I ought to tell you that your pal “Windy” is also of more than sufficient hotness to join our little soiree at the Best Western. Any time you fine ladies feel ready, just call out to the Goonster.

  • Oh man, when I saw that photo I laughed so hard I spat coffee onto my keyboard! That’s ok though, the coffee tastes like shite because I just got a coffee machine and I can’t work it properly.

  • Shit.
    That was supposed to be
    *Fo*

    You know, fee, fi, *fo* (fum)

    going to bed now. giving up.

  • This popped into my head earlier and while it doesn’t fit with the Kovar/Kevlar, Dood balls comments, it is all that is floating around between my ears right now

    Fee, Fi, Fum, faaaaaaaaart
    I smell the blood of a bill-less duck.

  • did we ever find out what dood balls are?

  • Yeah, Amanda B, I’ve been wondering that too. The Kovar thing.

    Cause I once had a *friends with benefits* relationship with this flashy chick named Mylar.

  • Is she anything like Kevlar?

  • Dang Cold, no lie. I just wish I had kept her on the line longer for a good brow beating.

  • Heather’s real name *is* Dooce.

  • Helen

    How come you have a normal name like Heather, when you have a brother called Ranger, a sister called September, and know someone named Windy Lou? Methinks you may have secretly changed your name by deed poll along the way? C’mon, tell us what your real name is!!…

  • Dang cold…

    “File under annoying”

    I hope you’re joking!!! I’m nauseous :S

  • Wait. Hold it. Dooce. Did you really have a Mormon boyfriend named *KOVAR*?

  • annakay

    i am another Fish fan who just had to de-lurk to say i will miss you too. when i come here, i feel like i’m sitting with a huge group of friends. there’s always a few of us quiet ones who appreciate what the lively ones have to say. so this is actually a big thank you to everyone.

  • Dang cold…..

    Lovely southern bells indeed.

    I have to shut my eyes and conjure up images of John Lee Hooker, Muddy Waters, Robert Johnson and everything to do with the Mississippi Delta. Damn I’m glad we still have BB King.

  • cathy milw

    Henryk + lettersandnumbers:

    Other side of the globe from what?

  • Anybody see that ABC World News Tonight is doing a spot on the employment-related consequences of blogging? Supposed to be on tomorrow night (6:30 pm EST). Wonder if Heather and/or “dooced” will be mentioned.

  • Henryk_DTG091305KFEB05

    cathy milw….thankfully you and your dog are on the other side of the globe…

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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