An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

It’s alive!

In the winter we rarely go in or out of the front door because we have no hallway at the front of the house. We always use the back door so that we don’t track mud or snow onto the hardwood floors. Unfortunately, this means that I forget about everything on the porch including these festive Halloween pumpkins. Jon was tasked with disposing of these rotting horrors but not before I could take a picture.

  • Katie-be-bored-at-work

    I totally just almost busted a gut laughing when I read the post about the pumpkin looking like a scarred hooker’s ass. I have never had the opportunity to glance at a scarred hooker’s ass, but that close-up of the pumpkin has to be pretty darn close. Eww.

  • Not MTV — A&E Biography… 😉

    Maybe Law and Order will have an episode “based on” the whole thing! (Not an L&O:SVU, though, I’m thinking more like a L&O:Criminal Intent.)

  • Just so you know, has updated:

    Coming Up on WNT
    Could blogging cause you to lose your job?

  • That looks disgustingly familiar. Oh yeah, my front porch, every December or so.

  • U.B.

    Kimberly — that’s supposed to be ‘the *liberal* mainstream media. You’re obviously not watching enough Fox…

    Gotta LOVE that Dork! I can’t wait to watch this evening and see if I can pick out the dorkiness in action.

  • What is next, Dooce?

    I’m kind of waiting for the day we find a story about you on MTV.

  • Dang cold has a good point. The mainstream media (am I allowed to say that w/o this getting political) consistantly tries to paint blogs and bloggers as trival and self-absorbed. Mainly because they’re threatened. I’ll be interested to see it, but am pessimistic.

  • I’m SO trying to watch the piece tonight. I really hope they don’t do some negative spin on it like they did with your momma article. That’s so mean. Also: my prediction is that you’ll be on Oprah in the coming future. And if anyone else has predicted that, my apologies – I rarely actually read all the comments!

  • wish i could watch my tv


  • I have been reading for several months now, and have to thank dooce, my big gulp of wine and ya’ll for saving my sanity!!

  • All Hail the Queen Dork! I’m SO proud to be a Dooceling.

    Looking forward to the news tonight…and that’s not something I say on a regular basis. Hell, I NEVER say that!

  • RazDreams

    You’re on the TV at 5:30pm my time, and I have to be at Church for Ash Wednesday at 6:00pm. I mustn’t worship other Gods (that’d be you) before Him, so I’ll have to tape you (I don’t have TiVo). You are *so* famous. I lasted about two whole hours without checking your site. I need a 12-step program to ween me off of this ADDICTION!!! 😉

  • Susana

    Little Dorkie foo foo
    hopping through the forest

    scooping up the dork-mice and
    dorking them on the head!

    hee hee hee

  • Adam – I remember that statue from Art History class. (Pretty much the only thing I remember from that class, it put me to sleep every day.)

  • Dang cold…

    Well you know my name is Dorkie
    And the things I draw come true
    Oh pictures, take me, take me , take me over
    Climb the ladder with you

    yup losing my mind alright…

  • That pumpkin looks like an ancient fertitlity statue. It has breasts.

  • Danika

    You aren’t the only one Flippy. I constantly screw up when people watch me type. I’m sure they think wow so it looks and sounds like a fast typer but holy she SUCKS and the speed(sounds) are due to all the fuckups and backspacing.

  • So that is what it looks like when Dooce finally takes a crap!

  • Nice! I (heart) Peter Jennings.

    I type with the proper fingers, yet when someone is watching, it’s like I lose any ability to type whatsoever. I wouldn’t even be able to spell “dork”.

  • BabyM

    man, hope your bandwidth can handle the hits it is going to get tonight after being on the NATIONAL NEWS!!

    Even though the “story of getting dooced” is three years old, it is becoming more and more relevant. I think it is great that you’re getting so much visibility, since I for one love reading your site every day.

    Maybe a publisher will contact you, try to publish the postings of a blogger…that’d be cool!

  • Dang Cold..

    The-Dork-a-Dot door
    The-Dork-a-Dot door
    See you soon at The-Dork-a-dot door

    with Bear, Marigold, Humpty and Dumpty.

    The Dork a roo was here?!?!?! and I missed him again. 🙁

    I’m losing my mind…

  • twaci

    when i first started perusing dooce, i was impressed that there were, oh, 29 comments on a regular basis. you’re now cruising toward 430 (!!!), and with a pic of rotting pumpkins. you are a goddess. it’s hard to imagine how many more will join the cult after tonight. i’m sceeeeered.

  • well this is my first entry ever! I am a huge dooce fan, and have yet to respond. Emagine loosing your viginity to a whale cock, and rotting pumpkins. Thanks Doocelings! DORKS UNITE!!!!!

  • you’re not a fucking dork! you’re on the news – weeeeeee. fuck, i don’t get cable. god damn. now who’s the dork?

  • I am interrupting my work out after work to watch ABC World News tonight.

    Oh. My. Gawd.

    You’re such a DORK.

    Way too funny.

  • Metro, I LOVE the Swedish Chef!

  • the abc news tonight people didn’t see the rotting pumpkins did they?

    the horror!

  • I now have the Sweedish Chef in my head, replacing “Bork, Bork, Bork!” with “Dork, Dork, Dork!”

  • so when will you be on the tee vee?

  • LetterB

    Yet another unforseen upside to quitting my job last week: I get to watch dooce type dork in realtime. Woohoo!

  • Those pumpkins are revolting.

    Dork dork dork.

  • ABCNews!!! That is awesome! Too bad it too 3 years for them to find the story, but it’s still cool.

  • Do smash a quote: “Dork it up, fuzzbrain.”

  • Starla Dear

    When I said short notice on ABC’s part, I meant to say that it is weird that they are filming today and playing it tonight… Sort of along with what diane was saying.

  • Will someone on the east coast please post a link as soon as it comes on? I suspect that ABC’s website knows which time zone and won’t show the link until 6 pm PST. 3 hours and 31 minutes–not fair.

    p.s. I hope you used your hickiest southern accent.

  • I bought myself this sweatshirt ( two weeks ago….I think you could use one as well. DORK! 🙂

  • Dang cold..

    in additon to me shouting “you sons a penis with ears mrs. jennings!!!”


  • woo, ABC is actually one of the FOUR FRICKIN channels i actually get! (new episode of LOST on tonight folks!) and in 24 hrs i’ll be on a plane to London! yay!

  • Starla Dear

    Yay! I called my parents and they will record it for me and send me the tape! I just HAVE to see Dooce/Leta/Chuck in action! VERY short notice on ABC’s part though.

  • Wow, when you sleep all day long and wake up to reading this, I even feel excited to watch. Woohoo!

  • Dang Cold..

    not that I want to kill your buzz we’re all thrilled. NYT sucks and I’m hoping ABC doesn’t suck. If they do I’ll go to Peter Jennings mothers house here in Canada and throw a bag of fecal matter at her door…then kick her dog

  • …visions of frozen Canuck fecal matter flying through the air…

  • I can’t wait to watch my dorky t.v tonight, while making my dorky dinner, and then sit on my dorky couch and watch you type DORK!:)


  • First off.. YUCK! We had a frozen pumpkin last year.. this year we opted for no pumpkins…

    Secondly.. Can’t wait for the interview tonight.. Looking forward to watching you type DORK!

  • Heather, I hope you are a complete narcissist and post a clip of your show so we won’t need to go looking for it.

  • Dang cold..

    heather, you don’t suppose this is going to turn around and paint you as a self absorbed piece of scrotum dork cheese do you?? I love peter jennings and all as a canuck brother but hey…I’m just saying his shit may stick. Heads up..

  • That’s as bad as they got? Here in the Pacific Northwest, our’s looked like that three days after Halloween!

  • Susana

    dork-leks!! DORK-9!


    my husband just called me a crazy blog groupie!!

  • Dang Cold…

    Dorkter Who…zipping through different worlds on the Tardis.


  • erin

    Effie – the doodie balls are yummy. Email me if you want the recipe.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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