Best way to roast the broomstick. Must try. Five Stars.


  • will. not. catch. me. in. a. bakini. ever.

    (and society’s better off, lemme tell ya)

    He’s a puppy who looks like he needs a cookie. It’s the stare.

  • Not when Manda makes me wear that sling on my minkey bits, i’m not.

    Baaaad Minkey.

  • You mean this sling, Minkey?

    Someone once tried to get me to wear it too, but I don’t have the bits to fill it.

  • Gir.A – My favorite line is their fine print “Larger quantities for some items may be arranged”

    How large is it?

  • My house has the same kind of set-up with a fireplace flanked by built-in bookcases, with little sqare windows above them, and twin sconce lights above the fireplace. I bet our houses were built around the same time period. Mid 1920s? Your pre-renovation kitchen had a similar cut to its jib as the kitchen in my house, too.

  • mg2

    did somebody say naked?

  • I am gettin so hot I wanna take my clothes oooffff

  • But I am sober, and fat, so I won’t

  • you know heather, i just arrived in london this morning and i haven’t heard a thing about your demise..but i’ll keep my ears open and lay the smack down for ya!

  • In our year 3 Dooce A.D. …

    It’s geh’in hah’ in heeyah
    So take awf all yo cloze.

  • I’m already naked!

  • You’re *always* nekked, Minkey.

  • Dooce, I think you should a version of “Cribs” on your place – everyone wants to know what your house looks like.

  • Camille

    My son has that same toy that’s in the background/thumbnail, he loves it.

  • Zach


    ^ Look I made an ascii penis.

    I rule.

  • I bet LDSPlanet is way less fun than Blackplanet

  • I titled my latest Blentry WWUCGD? (what would upper case god do?) and when I spell checked it wanted me to use the word WICKED instead.

  • Zach

    You see, there in lies the bitch about google ads. You bring up “Jesus”, “Mormon”, or fucking the “Mother Marry” and BAM! A big fucking advertisement for LDSPLANET.COM is on your site.

  • Oh yeah, and my blog is mentioned BEFORE YOURS in the story! EAT IT!


  • The sad thing is by the time I look back at my “word” I forgot what the hell it even says.

  • Don’t listen to those dipshit Biritsh journalists, Heather. They all have bad teeth and drink warm beer.

  • Sheesh, this place is hopping these days. I guess that’s what happens when you’re a good writer with an astute sense of humor…

    Anyway, I thought you may want to see another article regarding your site…

    I pointed the writer in your direction and he really likes your site now. It paid off for me because he also mentioned my blog in there (traffic has increased .002%). The beauty of the article? It’s NOT ABOUT YOU LOSING YOUR JOB _and_ it mentions you being a SAHM. Not bad.

    By the way, although I coded the backend of that site, I take ZERO responsibility for its design.

  • chahn

    Heh. Chuck has the same look that my dogs had last night when a bit of birthday cake hit the kitchen floor. They aren’t allowed in the kitchen so they just sat there staring at it until the cat waltzed in and ate it.

  • andreabt

    I can see pictures again! Whatever you did to change it, THANK YOU!!!

  • Listen Metro, YMBPGATBTIEWIS MMkay

    Yes Fish you got that right. My poor poor husband. *smirk*

  • Heather, I love chuckles so much I want to steal him! However, I am also in LOVE with your Fireplace, if you could take a series of fireplace pictures from different angles, and lighting- with fire, w/o fire etc. Then I would really appreciate it. I have one picture of chuckles in lights and the fireplace is in teh background and I LOVE IT!!! I would have bought your house just for the Fireplace.

    Sorry to hear that you are dead.

  • I never realized Chuck’s neck was so loooong. Chuck’s cousin:

  • leslie in pa

    Same here with the images alison! I am so happy I no longer have to shut my Norton’s firewall off to view the images!

    Makes me want to hump my monitor!!

    Thanks Dooce!

  • L’aura

    Let’s just say….it’s a bong ~Jerri Blank

  • Alison

    As a Limey, the British press I wouldn’t say over the top, unless its the tabloids or people who obviously don’t know the meaning of words. Have you ever read the Times? The Telegraph? Believe me, there’s nothing melodramatic about extensions of the establishment.

    Anyway, am so so so sooooo happy! It seems that I can finally access the pictures on here again, after a long hiatus. No viewing to be had in Firefox or IE. What did you do? Whatever, the pictures are back! In celebration, I’ve just gone through the archives. Overall impression: CUTE!

  • dooce is everywhere

  • Cristin

    The Author, Metro, GirlA and Mrs.s, you guys cracked me up today.

    Thanks. I needed that.

  • I would say you are less of a disease and more of a rapidly speading new drug. It’s great all the good feelings and none of the smack kick backs.

    WTF Are You Two Talking About?

    Six Undereducated Wiseacres Undulating Assininely Simply Love Never Giving Thought?

  • kat
  • kim

    The mailman gives him treats EVERY DAY? I can’t help but wonder if he didn’t have a horrible dog experience at some point, so he bribes them all to behave or something.

    My parents’ dog doesn’t react to the mailman. However, he does get all excited at the bank (which always gives dog treats) and the drive-thru Starbucks (who does give dog treats, although not every time). I’m sure that he thinks that this is actually the point of such windows, to spoil him repeatedly, as many times as a human is willing to drive him around.

  • Nine Monkeys Itching Friends’ Inner Orifices

  • Jaime

    At first when I read the google ad for Mormon such and such…I read “An open forum for Mormons seeking LSD”
    I giggled and reread the sentence, and it wasn’t nearly as funny. 🙁

  • GirlA –

    Dooce A.D.

    so clever, i laughed out loud.

    woot to chuck friday

  • Wow, Uppercase GOD, speaking directly to me. I feel so, well, hungry, actually, since I haven’t eaten anything yet today. But also renewed in my faith and all of that crap too. Thanks Uppercase GOD.

  • Strizz – what is NMIFIO?
    need more insurance for incriminating oral?

    now my inner foot itches owie?

  • GOD’s been updating his customer service department to give better, individualized customer service during this lenten season.

    No one really liked the celestial voice mail, anyway

  • Well, you maybe dead, but your still fucking funny.

  • Metro did you not see my NMIFIO reply? Helloooooo

  • Strizz: NYMPHO response?




  • TUCGICF – Thank Upper Case God It’s Chuck Friday.

  • Yea Heather, you have a LOT of wood in your house. Very Amish-esque. Kinda scary.


  • carolina

    Chuck is awesome! btw, your bookcases are great!

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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