the smell of my desperation has become a stench
  • Marie

    2005/02/14 at 1:41 pm

    Well, Canadian Amy, where does one find this Tahiti Treat? I think your little concoction of said drink w/ vodka and lime sounds splendid! And Lisa P., I wholeheartedly agree! Is there anything vodka is NOT spectacular with?? Hell, I have a cake recipe that requires vodka!

  • Bucky Four-Eyes

    2005/02/14 at 1:37 pm

    Wow, I leave the computer to watch General Hospital, and what do I miss?

    Dooce, baby, I’ve got the tequila if you have the trapeze.

    Sam — I’d be willing to try knocking you up. I’ve been called “Sir” enough times. . .

  • Lisa P.

    2005/02/14 at 1:36 pm

    Vodka is spectacular with most things.

  • Circus Kelli

    2005/02/14 at 1:33 pm

    Sam, oh yeah… go with a c-section for delivery — but make sure it’s an “East/West” incision. The “North/South” incisions will ruin your bikini line forever. 🙂

  • CanadianAmy

    2005/02/14 at 1:34 pm

    Alas, Marie, not alcoholic but a fond childhood memory..

    Now that you mention it, however, Tahiti treat would be spectacular with vodka and a dash of lime cordial…….

  • moose

    2005/02/14 at 1:32 pm

    Marie, I thought so too, I thought so too… so dang disappointed.

  • Closet Metro

    2005/02/14 at 1:16 pm

    Sam – you kill me. (I’d strongly suggest c-section for the delivery of your love child)

  • Girl.A

    2005/02/14 at 1:14 pm

    Hey Scottypants – thanks for the dentata heart shout-out!

    I’m headed home to clean up after my sex toys so they’ll be properly prepped for VD prurience.

    *Y’all enjoy yer VD*

  • Marie

    2005/02/14 at 1:11 pm

    Damn, Canadian Amy. I thought this drink was alcoholic! I was with ya, Moose, until her post!

    And i SOO hope tomorrow’s picture is of Leta and the carrots!! (maybe with the pigtails and her spitting them on her li’l friend Izzy!)

  • Big Gay Sam

    2005/02/14 at 1:09 pm

    Closet Metro said at 02:58PM, 02.14.2005:
    Big Gay Sam – Bucky is a chick.



    Hey if Mary can do it, so can I.

  • Susie

    2005/02/14 at 1:08 pm

    Yeeeeha! Please put yeeeeha on the list of words to teach the little redneck woman soon. When my kid was almost 3, we were playing with her chalkboard and I said, OK, let’s make a list of all the words that begin with a B sound, like boy. She says, no, let’s make a list of all the words that begin with Yee, like YEEE-HA! Yes, redneck babies must also learn the letter Yee.

  • CanadianAmy

    2005/02/14 at 1:06 pm

    mmm tahiti treat is the best fruit flavored pop on the planet…

    I even had Tahiti treat lip gloss when I was a kid. I would lick my lips until they were all chapped, they smelled so goooood.

  • moose

    2005/02/14 at 12:59 pm

    Marie, I don’t know but I think I want me some.

  • The Monkey

    2005/02/14 at 1:05 pm

    Who gives a rip about a baby that chews tobaccy?

    Tell me more about the gigantic golf-ball shooting Monkey anus …

    *Minkey Likey*

  • Marie

    2005/02/14 at 12:58 pm

    Dang Cold,
    What in the hell is “tahiti treat?”

  • CanadianAmy

    2005/02/14 at 12:58 pm

    Oh Dang, my favorite!

    Rats in the front room,
    roaches in the back,
    junkies in tha alley
    with the baseball bats,
    Tried to get away
    But I couldn’t get far…

  • Closet Metro

    2005/02/14 at 12:58 pm

    Big Gay Sam – Bucky is a chick. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but she’s my type, not yours 😉

  • Big Gay Sam

    2005/02/14 at 12:53 pm

    dooce said at 02:10PM, 02.14.2005:
    Bucky Four-Eyes, I totally want to party with you.


    I actually want to have his love child. :op

  • moose

    2005/02/14 at 12:54 pm

    Dang *hot* blog entry!

  • Dang Cold..

    2005/02/14 at 12:55 pm

    well she said the word party…so


    *dang cold tosses aside his plastic cup of tahiti treat, drops, and does ‘the worm’ a la Beat Street. The group, startled and wide eyed, quickly scatters to clear the way*

  • cat

    2005/02/14 at 12:52 pm

    I loved the U2 post. I have been unashamedly in love with Bono and the band since The Joshua Tree. Bono dedicated “Kite” to his dad, too, which makes me bawl.

    Check out the DVD “U2 Go Home: Live from Slane Castle Ireland.” Bono does the most amazingly heartfelt segue between “All I Want Is You” and “Where the Streets Have No Name.” Seriously kick-ass. If you like to belt out U2 lyrics, that’s the one, baby. That’s the ONE!

    Ew. Could I BE any more of a lunatic groupie? Hee.

  • moose

    2005/02/14 at 12:48 pm

    Henryk … and I should take *your* advice??

    Kristine, it’s just cyber chocolate – c’mon, Dr. A wouldn’t mind…

    Scott. You are not my father. Trust me.

    And I’m thinkin’ I’ll stick with my red hot primate love. It’s puhlenty satisfying, thank you veddy much. Unless maybe there’s an opportunity with the Holy Ghost. Cuz, hm, that could be cosmic.

    Sweet AmandaB, see above!

    Ah, you doocelings add so much to my day. I heart you.

  • mg2

    2005/02/14 at 12:32 pm

    The mechanics of how one would go about “doing” the Holy Ghost are mind boggling. But not entirely outside the realm of reality… I think I’ll try it.

  • Closet Metro

    2005/02/14 at 12:35 pm

    Amanda – according to Chef from South Park, there are many kinds of love, including “Simon and Garfunkel Love”

  • mg2

    2005/02/14 at 12:31 pm

    Amanda B, you are being awfully selective with your love, aren’t you? Love should be all-inclusive. Hot, sweaty, shit-throwing primate hanky panky is a worthy competitor to your bastardized monkey love.

  • John Sloas

    2005/02/14 at 12:20 pm

    Thanks for the post. I’m a stay-at-home dad with 3 kids hoping that they will smile at strangers someday too–though they are not allowed to talk to them yet 😉

  • Amanda B.

    2005/02/14 at 12:21 pm

    Moose- I am shocked at your question. Is there any type of love besides Monkey Love?

  • Ern

    2005/02/14 at 12:24 pm

    So.jealous.of.BFE. For a blessing has been bestowed upon her by the great Dooce Almighty. In the name of Jesus Christ Amen.

  • Mrs.Strizzay

    2005/02/14 at 12:29 pm

    So are y’all saying Dooce is the Holy Ghost?

    Do mormons even “do” the holy ghost?

  • mg2

    2005/02/14 at 12:15 pm

    BUCKSTER! You just got the dooce-approval, which is similar in stature to being one of Christ’s chosen children. Can I come to yalls party? Huh? Huh? Or is it a “private” party kinda thing? Because in that case, I REALLY wanna come, and so does Tammy Littlenut.

  • kristine

    2005/02/14 at 12:14 pm

    Okay, I’ve been kicking around this idea:

    *Everything I ever learned, I learned from reading Dooce*

    * If you have cabbage in your bra, embrace it!

    anyone else?

  • Scott

    2005/02/14 at 12:13 pm

    MG2 – Of course you are the Queef Master. I mean, come on! Is there really any competition?

    Moose – I am your father. Search your heart. You know it to be true. I mean… Yeah, trust me red hot simian love is great. That’s why I have monkey bars in my bedroom!

  • Ern

    2005/02/14 at 12:12 pm

    Indeed, a very nice post, BFE. What we were all thinking, only put more nicely (kinda like a little Dooce acholyte, eh?)

    In the spirit of love that seems to be going around, I haven’t got any chocolate, but I made the most delicious sugar cookies in the world yesterday, so help yourselves!

    *Erin offers cookies with frosting and sprinkles*

  • Henryk Sydney

    2005/02/14 at 11:55 am

    Moose…..beware the bloke offering things over a PC!

  • Ern

    2005/02/14 at 11:53 am

    Heather, I haven’t read any of the comments yet, but I had to post this link for you. I thought it would be a great Valentines present for you (hint, hint, Jon!)

    Poop candy:

    Happy Crappin’ V-day

  • Susie

    2005/02/14 at 11:54 am

    BFE, very nicely done.

    Dang Cold.., I love that you have become the official greeter. Your are so hospitable. Hospitality is a wonderful thing. Enjoy your dinner out with Mrs. Cold.

    Now, here are some gooey cupcakes with little heart sprinkles, left over from the 3rd grade party, take one and pass the tray . . .

  • dooce

    2005/02/14 at 12:10 pm

    Bucky Four-Eyes, I totally want to party with you.

  • kristine

    2005/02/14 at 12:11 pm

    I love the poop candy!
    I’m on Atkins and ALL CANDY ON ATKINS is poop candy!
    I found a picture for dooce. It was the ‘chocolate covered prunes’ picture I took.
    That’s the only thing I’m giving out this VD…
    happy ‘choco covered prunes’ day Dooce!

  • Tammy

    2005/02/14 at 11:55 am

    O. My. Gosh. the pigtails are too cute for words. And the baby love is too cute for words. I just told my husband today I’m not sure I could handle having kids, but now you’re making my biological clock tick 🙂

  • Squish

    2005/02/14 at 11:43 am

    Really, really, cute! What precious little girls.

    btw, my browser can finally see the numbers for each post. Yeehaw!

  • Super Turtle Girl

    2005/02/14 at 11:46 am

    Hey Leta! Happy Valentines Day! Will you be my valentine?

  • Sydney Henryk

    2005/02/14 at 11:53 am

    Sidney Ann…we are all numbers in a vast PC somewhere! Big Brother is watchingggggggggggg!!!

  • moose

    2005/02/14 at 11:24 am

    Scott, you suggesting I should trust you?

  • Sidney Ann

    2005/02/14 at 11:29 am

    Oooh, we’re being numbered now.

  • mg2

    2005/02/14 at 11:20 am

    SCOTT. What about ME?? Am I your Queef Master or what, bitch?

  • Stacy

    2005/02/14 at 11:20 am

    Ladybug- I agree. It is a nunya business kinda thing. Why the hell would any one care about his ex wife? Jesus people. Dooce, I used to do the same wondering about my future husband, too. I would worry he was sleeping around, giving away my loving to some slutty teen and receiveing the clap in return. Little did I know not only had he spreadeth the love around, he was already married…with kids no less. Funny how things work out.

  • Scott

    2005/02/14 at 11:13 am

    Moose – We should all be down with the monkey lovin’. Trust me. I also gave a shout out to Girl A with the Dentata heart. I hope she enjoys it.

  • mg2

    2005/02/14 at 11:19 am

    You guys with your father stories are making my eyes as moist as Bucky’s snack cake! All mildewy.

    My daddy is a wonderful father, although we’ve had our ups and downs, and I want to tell him now more than ever how much he means to me. But the best part about my daddy? He already knows.

  • Colleen from NJ

    2005/02/14 at 11:04 am

    Heather, beautiful, and thank you for sharing it. Thank you for smiling at all of us strangers.

  • moose

    2005/02/14 at 11:07 am

    Erin H, tough story. My heart goes out to your family.

    Circus Kellie, what a story you told! Sounds like it’s been a rollercoaster ride.

    BFE, yes you should get mushy more often.

    I’m thinking maybe another round of chocolates for the Dorkling Dooce Squad!

    Dang, good for you for treating your wife like royalty. You’re a good man.

    Amanda B & Minkey — did you see that one of Scott’s (#183) hearts is for “Monkey Love”????

1 2 3 8

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

read more