Heater, Mother of Lance
  • Torrie

    2005/02/14 at 8:58 am

    Heather, I have been reading your site for a long time. I have often felt a bond with you. This morning I found out that my 67 year old father’s cancer (which we thought he had beat) is in his lungs and he doesn’t have long to live. These next few months are going to be very hard. I do however find joy every day from your website, and for that I thank you.

  • Creepy Susie

    2005/02/14 at 8:59 am

    Bravo BFE! Bravo!!

    < >

  • Erin H.

    2005/02/14 at 8:49 am

    Circus Kelli- Thank you. Let the chocolate eating commence!

  • Bucky Four-Eyes

    2005/02/14 at 8:51 am

    Dear Heather’s Dad:

    On Valentine’s Day, a day traditionally devoted to the expression of romantic love, your daughter chose to post a touching examination of the complicated love shared by a father and daughter.

    Mr. H, you may not agree with all the choices Heather has made in life — and what father does? — but you just can’t argue with the fact that she caused spontaneous crying among a bunch of black-hearted, cynical strangers who usually come to this site looking for stories about poop and steak sauce sodomy. Made us *cry* for cryin’ out loud!

    Heather bravely shares the joys and sorrows of her life with us, the Internet at Large. Because of her, many of us who would never have known each other are now friends. I can speak for myself, and likely many others, when I say that I might have missed out on the joy that is bloggin’ your heart out, had I not found inspiration here at dooce.com, the kind of inspiration that hits one right between the eyes and says “See? People DO think poop is funny!”

    Your daughter has a gift, the gift to move people to laughter and tears in the same post, the talent to let us know the exact spot where her heart is being touched on any given day, and the good grace to endure the slings and arrows of outrageous trolls and other Internet villains.

    All in all, Mr. H, you’ve done a fine job of parenting your little girl, who has now certainly grown into a woman of strong character and sparkling wit.

    Go on, puff out your chest in pride and strut a little. You deserve it. 🙂


    The Internet

  • Circus Kelli

    2005/02/14 at 8:38 am

    Erin H — Great big hugs to you, and good thoughts and best wishes for your family as well.

    Here, doll, have some chocolate. Seriously.

  • Circus Kelli

    2005/02/14 at 8:39 am

    Scott — Bio-Dad? Is that you?


  • of france lady

    2005/02/14 at 8:40 am

    wow, meggan. that makes me look pretty good.

    happy valentines day, everyone!!

    sweet post about your daddy, dooce.

  • Cristin

    2005/02/14 at 8:45 am

    Unbelievable post, Heather.
    I am so moved.

    Happy Valentine’s Day to you and your wonderful family.

    And also to the Dooceling Dork Squad!

    lubs you all

  • Scott

    2005/02/14 at 8:38 am

    Man, that picture makes me want to get in touch with at least one of my 68 illegitamate kids. Love the pigtails!

    Great post about your Dad, Dooce. It’s amazing how sometimes we lose touch with the most important people in our lives.

    Happy V-Day Doocelings!

  • Erin H.

    2005/02/14 at 8:36 am

    I know this comes about 20 years too late, but I’m sorry to hear about Jon’s father. They found a brain tumor in my uncle a few weeks ago, and while they were able to remove 95% of it, he has what they call a Grade Four Astrocytoma brain tumor, and chances are he won’t live to see the end of the year. Right now he’s just hoping he makes it to my counsin’s high school graduation. I can’t even imagine how she must feel, although she’s always been a tough little cookie.

    One of the chemo drugs they’re using on him is experimental at best, and hasn’t been approved by the FDA. We will see, though.

    For Valentine’s Day, he and my aunt are getting remarried. They said it was something they should have done a long time ago, as they have been divorced but living together for a few years, now. I hope it makes them both as happy as they can be, at present.

    Happy V-Day to everyone here, as well. I hope you all ate a crapload of chocolate.

  • A N N A

    2005/02/14 at 8:34 am

    yayyy! as soon as i saw the thumbnail, i squealed, “pigtails!!!” and KNEW leta was going to look heart-crushingly cute!

    what a sweet lupercalia gift to us all. thanks dooce. 🙂

  • Me Now

    2005/02/14 at 8:29 am


    Heart couldn’t take it.

    Bits all over the screen.

    Too. much.. cute…

  • Meggan

    2005/02/14 at 8:34 am

    This is totally off topic, but I felt the need to share this with you all.

    I have just received an email with no less than *171* exclamation points.

    Trust me, I copy pasted it and counted it in MS Word.

    Take that, Of France!!!!

  • Mrs.Strizzay

    2005/02/14 at 8:25 am

    Dooce:Enough chocolate and comfy chairs for all.

  • Circus Kelli

    2005/02/14 at 8:26 am

    Striz… oooooo… that sounds like a little slice of heaven that you have there — even if you are in limbo. Lucky duck. 🙂

  • Mrs.Strizzay

    2005/02/14 at 8:24 am

    CK~ Thanks hon! I am not sick…I am in that limbo…you know where you hack a lung at 2 am and you feel like crap…but you can still function and half smile.

    The baby feels icky to so we took a nice soothing shower this morning, and she fell asleep in my arms. Makes it all worht it. :0)

  • Circus Kelli

    2005/02/14 at 8:23 am

    Niffer — there’s plenty o’chocolate and treats to go ’round. Pull up a nice comfy chair and have some with us!

  • Circus Kelli

    2005/02/14 at 8:22 am

    Mrs. Striz – I hope you’re feeling much better very soon. Being sick is no fun. Is there someone there to take care of you, or do you still have to take care of the little’uns while you’re sick?

  • Mrs.Strizzay

    2005/02/14 at 8:22 am

    RE:Raz #96 (woohoo numbers now~!)

    What brown, red, and in a ditch?

    A bloody brunnette who told to many blonde jokes.

  • Mrs.Strizzay

    2005/02/14 at 8:18 am

    Hey Heather, thanks for making me cry while I am all hopped up on cold medicine and my nose is already funning like crazy.

  • the niffer

    2005/02/14 at 8:19 am

    I’m used to laughing out loud at work all the time, but not so much with the crying.

    Beautiful post, Dooce. I’ll have some of those hugs and chocolate if there is still some kickin around.

  • Cassy

    2005/02/14 at 8:13 am

    Too cute! Leta’s hair looks adorable in those little pigtails!

  • Circus Kelli

    2005/02/14 at 8:16 am


    Here ya go:

    *bring on the spam!*

  • Katie-be-bored-at-work

    2005/02/14 at 8:17 am

    HAHA. Everyone else disregard that email address. I-be-writing you in just a little bit, Kelli!

  • Marie

    2005/02/14 at 8:13 am

    In case your Kleenexes aren’t totally full of snot and tears yet, here’s another U2 factoid from last night. When they won their grammy and Larry mentioned that they may not be able to tour this year, it’s because Edge’s daughter was recently diagnosed w/ leukemia. (Oh, and ‘Original of the Species’ was written about her).
    Happy Valentine’s Day, guys!

    I loved your post to your Dad, Dooce. I wish I had your way with words and could have expressed myself to my father as eloquently.

  • Katie-be-bored-at-work

    2005/02/14 at 8:12 am

    Circus Kelli, what is your email? I went to your blog and couldn’t find your email address. When I clicked on “Email” it didn’t work because something is wrong with that function in my Outlook. Damn work and their ridiculous security functions!@! I’d love to e-mail you! I am getting absolutely NADA done here at work, also. What else is new?

  • Cheryl

    2005/02/14 at 8:04 am

    I love that U2 song and I too have been screaming it while in the car. The sad thing is that I cry about this dumb ex that I have been thinking about alot lately. And now it’s Valentine’s Day…

  • Susie

    2005/02/14 at 8:04 am

    Thanks, Closet Metro. See, we do like to read them. And send them into school with our third-graders. Aaaagh! I’ll have nightmares about that scenario tonight!

  • Amanda B.

    2005/02/14 at 8:05 am

    That was a very sweet post Dooce. Your Papa did an awesome job, because you are one good kid in this wacky world. I bet he is very proud of you.

  • CanadianAmy

    2005/02/14 at 8:05 am

    Bucky, I was looking for the Fagina in all the sweetness today…..

    And you brought it in just in time.

  • Carrie

    2005/02/14 at 8:07 am

    I absolutely love the pigtails. She is adorable!!

  • heidillydoo

    2005/02/14 at 8:12 am

    Woo hoo! I see numbers on my PC (and I’m number 165 – rock on!)

  • Closet Metro

    2005/02/14 at 8:02 am

    Susie – go check out Scott’s hearts. (click on my name).

  • leandra

    2005/02/14 at 8:04 am

    The first time I heard that U2 song was on their recent Saturday Night Live performance (the second song, after Vertigo)… i just sat there silent and listened. We bought the CD the day is was released and I haven’t done that in YEARS. Number 3 and 10 are my favorites.

  • Dang Cold..

    2005/02/14 at 7:59 am

    Circus Kelli..spit it out anytime you want. Where’s the harm? I was suppose to drop in and visit my parents over the weekend and didn’t. I feel like dogshit in a pair of glasses. I don’t deserve chocolate but I’m taking some anyway.

    *dang cold stuffs a handful in his mouth and doesn’t give a damn how ridiculous it looks*

  • DeAnn

    2005/02/14 at 7:57 am

    Aw. That’s precious.

  • debbie

    2005/02/14 at 7:58 am

    why is it so damn cute when kids hug?? even when i force my boys to hug another kid, and they’re making that “i’d rather be picking my nose” face, i still go AW! heh.

    leta’s rocking a favorite hairstyle of my mom’s when i was little in the other photo you posted! we call it “the palm tree”. oh to have girls to dress and do their hair!

  • Annie

    2005/02/14 at 7:58 am

    oops, I meant TFF. Couldn’t see the keyboard thru the tears.

  • Annie

    2005/02/14 at 7:56 am

    WOW, beautiful post for Valentines Day. My Dad passed away on 12/11, and I also feel that the best in me came from him. Nothing like crying at work over a website !

    OFF TOPIC: This weekend, my husband and I were playing a Trivia game on one of those tabletop games at a bar. Question was: Utah has the lowest per person consumption of alchol, but the highest consumption of: the answer: Anti-depressants !! FTT.

    Love ya, Dooce, keep up the good writing.

  • Circus Kelli

    2005/02/14 at 7:52 am

    Katie-B-Bored: Very well put indeed. I should have just waited for your post and replied with “Ditto”.

    If you get really really bored, email me, we’ll chat… I’m not exactly getting boatloads of work done here today…

  • Jana

    2005/02/14 at 7:55 am

    That was the best post I’ve seen ever. My dad’s Christmas wish every year is for ‘my daughter to go to church with me’.

    What you said about giving you the honesty, that is what dads are for. They are the ones that make you see.

    I’m going to cry now. Then call my Dad.

  • Susie

    2005/02/14 at 7:56 am

    The daddy-daughter thing is so complex. My dad died years ago; we did the best we could to repair the (serious) cracks in the relationship before that happened. I’m thankful to have had that opportunity.

    Everyone knows how tough that relationship is, that’s probably why “Daughters” was song of the year. I heard JM say he wrote it after a relationship in which a girl was so screwed up from the dad-daughter thing that she was unable to trust him (JM), etc.

    Does anyone REALLY like those candy hearts? I mean we like to read them, but do we really like to eat them? I made these Cocoa Krispies treats shaped into giant Hershey’s kiss shapes, wrapped in foil with our own little V-Day message on the slip of paper sticking out the top . . . HERE, have one of those instead . . . everyone, there’s plenty to go around . . .

  • moose

    2005/02/14 at 7:52 am

    OK *sniff*

    *chocolates all round*


  • Renae

    2005/02/14 at 7:52 am

    SO cute!

  • moose

    2005/02/14 at 7:50 am

    Thanks, CK. I appreciate that it’s not used! Though I have been known, in a pinch…

    I think maybe your question is unanswerable. Kind of like my question of whether it’s better/easier to lose a parent quickly and unexpectedly, or slow and knowing what’s coming. I don’t think there’s an answer to that one either.

  • closet metro

    2005/02/14 at 7:50 am

    Marie, thanks for posting the U2 link.

    Hugs to Dooce, Sam, Pix, Marie, Bucky, Kelli.. aw hell, I’m tired of typing. Hugs to all.

    (I think I need to call my dad.)

  • CanadianAmy

    2005/02/14 at 7:44 am

    All four of them, Bucky?
    Thatsallotta wetness……

  • Bucky Four-Eyes

    2005/02/14 at 7:48 am

    All four, CanAmy, ’tis true.

    Is allotta wetness anything like allotta Fagina?

  • Circus Kelli

    2005/02/14 at 7:48 am


    Thanks for the candy heart, I appreciate it. Actually, Susie, there is always hope.

    Briefly, adopted Dad turned out to be just the person everyone said he was. He chose not to have a relationship with my sister and I, and I know that won’t change. I know now that it is nothing I ever did or didn’t do. There is a sense of peace in that.

    With the Dad I don’t know, Bio-Dad, there’s still hope. He’s out there somewhere. I’ll find him and talk to him someday. I doubt I’ll ever have a relationship with him, but closure would be nice.

    I apologize for getting all maudlin, fellow Doocelings… sometimes the Daddy/Daughter emotions lay dormant for a long time, then pounce on me when I least expect it.

    I’m off in search of medicinal chocolate now… chocolate cures all, you know…

  • Katie-be-bored-at-work

    2005/02/14 at 7:44 am

    Heather, that was a beautiful post. Your father must be very proud of you, despite his feelings about your website and your falling away from the Church. Through your words, whether they be humorous, sad, ironic, or witty, you always convey an overwhelming sense of intelligence and standards. We might not always do exactly as our parents did, but we always carry with us the lessons and standards they taught us. For years I tried to live as my parents would see fit, and finally I came to the realization that that wasn’t really making anyone happy. I am sure your father looks at you and really sees more of himself in you than your physical attributes. One of these days he will come around, because the love you have for your father is something so many people wish they had. Kudos on a wonderful entry today. Thank you for sharing such personal thoughts.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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