the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Redneck woman

About an hour ago Leta and I were eating carrots, and she bit the top off of one and has been rolling it around her mouth ever since. She looks like she has cheeks stuffed with chewing tobacco. Occasionally she’ll start to jabber, “Leoddely odddely ooooh,” and it will pop out like a golf ball being shot out the butt of a giant monkey sitting atop a putt-putt green. But she puts it right back in and situates it into her left cheek. All four of her truck-driving great grandpas on my side of the family are smiling in their graves.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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