Heater, Mother of Lance
503 Comments
Heather B. Armstrong
Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.
Melle
2005/02/23 at 11:53 pmKara was good, but JAY was ORIGINAL with a damn imagination. He fits it best! CONGRATS!!!
RazDreams
2005/02/24 at 5:17 am*eeriely pretty photo*
Henryk_ Fri@2003_Sydney time
2005/02/23 at 11:49 pmAlmost 500
Henryk_
2005/02/23 at 11:50 pmTHERE YET??
Henryk_
2005/02/23 at 11:51 pmTa dahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
saralynnmo
2005/02/23 at 10:36 pmOh, the imagery…
nothanks
2005/02/23 at 10:36 pmJay won! I’m so happy!
Shiz
2005/02/23 at 10:05 pmAlmost at 500 tonight, doocelings.
Big Gay Sam
2005/02/23 at 10:34 pmCaroline said at 07:01PM, 02.23.2005:
DOOCE!
DOOCEREADERS!
HEAR YE, HEAR YE!
Who is up for Taa-Taa Thursdays? Post a picture of your own (hopefully clothed) taa-taas, others taa-taas (with permission), or taa-taa related paraphernalia. Dooce’s milk-filled picture of the day a while back would be a good example. Anybody up for it?
BOOBIES!
……………………
Do I have to shave mine first?
Karen Rani
2005/02/23 at 8:58 pmThere should totally be a support group for Mouse, Chuck and Ruffy….clearly they have issues. Who can blame them? They used to be our babies! Now they are tripped over, starved for food and attention, and last week when Ruffy stepped in dog shit that we hadn’t cleaned up because it was all like, hidden in the snow, my hubby took to calling her “Shitpaw” all evening after he had to bathe her to lose the smell. Poor Shitpaw.
Karen Rani
2005/02/23 at 9:00 pmCaroline – I would be totally in, but if it requires me posting the twins on my blog….that ain’t happenin’ cuz my father-in-law reads my site and shit, yo. Anyone want my ta ta’s on their site for a few days? Fully clothed of course!
Michael
2005/02/23 at 8:54 pmAm I the only person in the world who liked Wendy Pepper?
Although, I would wear everything Jay made. Except for that skyscraper dress.
OtherMojo
2005/02/23 at 7:40 pmProject RunJay! you duh man!!
Hosti Klum
2005/02/23 at 8:01 pmsee? i told you.
auf wienerschnitzel!
candace
2005/02/23 at 8:18 pmdammit dooce! i don’t get to see it until later! GAH! So glad he won, though. WOOT!
Everyone knowsitsWENDY
2005/02/23 at 7:29 pmJay won…Whoo hoo!
Lori laughs alot
2005/02/23 at 7:04 pmAll is good in the world tonight…Jay Won!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Patty Pooh
2005/02/23 at 7:11 pmSquee!
Go Jay, its your birthday. But now I want to see Austin’s collection they “advertised” during the show on the scrolling bravo marquee!
Katie-be-happy-at-home
2005/02/23 at 7:01 pmI have had the urge to chew my foot off, too when I hear W, along with the howling and tap-dancing fits. I might just chew off one of my big-ass toes, too.
Katie-be-happy-at-home
2005/02/23 at 7:00 pmDoes she think he is talking about Dubya Bush? I howl and throw tap-dancing fits of fury when I hear his name uttered, too.
tIffany
2005/02/23 at 6:59 pmHoly, I think your dog might be a Republican. If you say W to my dog he sulks off in a corner and starts chewing on his own feet.
Katie-be-happy-at-home
2005/02/23 at 6:58 pmDr. Johnny Fever, your webbed toes are way better than any butt shot. I have never seen anything like that before. I have incredibly long toes, though. They could literally be used as fingers if I ever lost one of them in an industrial accident, or something. A dillhole attorney that I used to work with looked at my toes (I was wearing these really cute open-toed high heels) and told me they looked they belonged on a monkey. I told him to suck cock. My toes give me character, dammit.
Holy Schmidt
2005/02/23 at 6:40 pmHeather,
If our oldest Boxer hears my hubby say the letter “W” she fucking FREAKS out! She will howl and throw “tap-dancing fits” in her kennel if he puts on his hat and doesn’t go get a leash off of the hook.
Talk about a spoiled bitch!
reg
2005/02/23 at 6:11 pmthat post about chuck was most excellent. i was laughing in wide mouth-gaping-open-surprise, sheer enjoyment, and amusement by the end. if i lived in utah, there would be certain months (winter) that the dog would definitely not get walked… due completely to the cold, and not to any time constraints. so you’re not COMPLETELY neglectful of the chuck-meister.
Dr. Johnny Fever
2005/02/23 at 5:53 pmI’m having trouble taking pictures of my ass that aren’t blurry or overexposed or obstructed by various man parts, but I have posted a pic of my webbed toes on my site. That has to be worth at least an honorable mention.
cmj
2005/02/23 at 5:17 pmI swear to God, if Wendy wins, I’m going to her house and I’m going to draw a Sharpie mustache on her icky face.
I mean it.
Henryk_
2005/02/23 at 5:33 pmI look at the pic………and am expecting to see a “Independance Day” type space craft to appear!
Andrea in Canada
2005/02/23 at 5:40 pmDang Cold…you have a place to stay in Victoria whenever!
Casper
2005/02/23 at 5:11 pmDooce…
Interesting group of people around here. I about laughed my ass off reading all your comments. Anyways, I am new to visiting your site and I must say you totally rock! Love your photos too.
part-timer
2005/02/23 at 5:02 pmOH! I thought it was ASS day tomorrow.
Ashley
2005/02/23 at 4:42 pmIn Calgary we call that there formation “a chinook arch”. Brings warm air from the coast.
Ashley
2005/02/23 at 4:44 pmHm. Moron here sees that several Calgarians have beat me to this disclosure. Ap’s.
Closet Metro
2005/02/23 at 4:44 pmYeah
Caroline
2005/02/23 at 5:01 pmDOOCE!
DOOCEREADERS!
HEAR YE, HEAR YE!
Who is up for Taa-Taa Thursdays? Post a picture of your own (hopefully clothed) taa-taas, others taa-taas (with permission), or taa-taa related paraphernalia. Dooce’s milk-filled picture of the day a while back would be a good example. Anybody up for it?
BOOBIES!
RazDreams
2005/02/23 at 4:34 pm(Autumn, I broke this page. See comment #281 and #282. I suck.)
tIffany
2005/02/23 at 4:37 pmHeeheehee thank you Bucky! Now I’m kind of embarrassed. 🙂
And the chickens can flap over the FENCE? Yikes. I support the chicken program so long as I don’t have to feed or touch chickens, or deal with neighbor complaints.
LOL Cathi – people give Mouse too much credit. He’s really not a smart dog, and I mean that in the lovingest way possible. He just spends every single moment listening to everything in the house, because he lives in constant fear that he’s going to miss an opportunity to have me feed him marshmallows.
cathi
2005/02/23 at 4:32 pmMouse is an awfully smart dog, tIffany.
Bucky Four-Eyes
2005/02/23 at 4:23 pmTiffany — so, you’ve married the Chicken Man, have you? I’d think your neighbors would forgive a couple of hens, so long as you’ve got proper fencing. Our neighbor’s hens used to flap over the low fence and tear up our turf, until we got bad dog Snickers. The hens kinda tend to keep to their own yard now.
And your “slightly gay” onesie? I’m buying that for my next friend who has a baby. Since it’s not self-promotion if I do it, I’ll post a link, ’cause it’s funny as fuck!
http://tinyurl.com/6ztzs
Elle OH
2005/02/23 at 4:19 pmYay! I am so excited for Project Runway. I hope Jay wins too, he reminds me of this girl I used to know.
tIffany
2005/02/23 at 4:22 pmps. Re: His Chuckness is such a good boy. 🙂
Back before the days of the dog door, my husband took our dog out 99% of the time because I was too lazy. This dog HATES walks, so tit really was just a potty run. But still, I’m really lazy.
So if my husband put his shoes on and I didn’t, Mouse would run to the front door and sit down because he knew that Kevin was going to take him out.
If I put *my* shoes on and Kevin didn’t, Mouse didn’t even bother to move. My husband used this fact to make fun of me and call me lazy.
If we both put our shoes on, he jumped up and ran to his room, which was basically a giant crate.
If I was home alone and I put my shoes on, he didn’t bother to move… chances were I was just going to grab the mail and come right back. But if I put on shoes and *put lipstick on* – then he knew I was leaving for real and would run to his room. It freaked me out for the longest time — how the hell did he know I’m really leaving? It took me forever to realize that lipstick was his cue that I was on my way somewhere for real.
Yasmin
2005/02/23 at 3:44 pmAmazing!
Bucky Four-Eyes
2005/02/23 at 3:47 pmPepper Pants to go with my Saucy Ass?
Annejelynn
2005/02/23 at 3:49 pmexcuse me? Pepper Pants???
tIffany
2005/02/23 at 4:09 pmBucky! My husband is totally heartbroken because we aren’t zoned for chicken ownership. My psychobabble guess is that he wants to re-create the little farm he grew up on for our son… something he really should have realized before we bought a house on a small lot within city limits. He seriously stays awake nights, contemplating whether or not to VIOLATE CITY ORDINANCES and secretly buy two little hens. My husband has never broken a single law in his life ever, but the chickens are calling him and driving him to do it. I swear it’s just like that Close Encounters movie. I keep expecting to look over and see him molding his mashed potatoes into the shape of a chicken.
I forget why I was telling you that. Oh! It’s nice to know that neighbors can be so understanding about chickens.
PS. I am exerting a lot of self control by not posting a link to my smartassed baby shirts here. I have one about growing up to be gay – it’s more for boys though. 🙂
Cloudy
2005/02/23 at 3:39 pmWendy Pepper is so gonna win. I would wear Pepper Pants, wouldn’t you?
lilyothefield
2005/02/23 at 3:23 pmshine, my dog, is the queen of sulking. if everyone is out of the house, she has to go in the cage, and she is comforted my a small milkbone. however, when we leave and she’s not in the cage, she will follow the departing person to the door, and then when it is apparent she is not going, she sulks to the person who is left home and demands comforting.
when we come home, after her being caged, she is talking to us from the moment we get in the back door. then she runs outside and runs around the yard for about 5 minutes.
Autumn
2005/02/23 at 3:21 pmYour side bar went MIA to the bottome of the page?
DeAnn
2005/02/23 at 3:22 pmMy dog says the same thing to me all the time with his adorable face.
And also, thank you (not at all) for getting “Jesus wants me for sunbeam” stuck in my head. That’s just what I needed.
Kate
2005/02/23 at 3:11 pmIf you want to put some of your words in caps PUT THEM in caps. Caps make the letters in your stories dance.
lilyothefield
2005/02/23 at 3:15 pmi just got back here, and i have a crazy dog lady story, but i don’t think i should say it. i feel sorry for the poor doggies.