An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation
  • Ms. Belle

    I had to look up what detritis meant…

    de•tri•tus
    n. pl. detritus
    1.Loose fragments or grains that have been worn away from rock.
    2.
    a.Disintegrated or eroded matter: the detritus of past civilizations.
    b.Accumulated material; debris: “Poems, engravings, press releases he eagerly scrutinizes the detritus of fame” (Carlin Romano).

    –I ain’t so good at book-learnin’

  • No kidding, my site has two. One I did myself to make sure it worked, and one someone was kind enough to add today..thanks you know who you are.

  • U.B.

    I’ve always heard “turtling”.

    I had another co-worker/friend that was late for a meeting once because he “had a mud-bunny knocking at the gate”. Half the room just stared in confusion and the other half of us had to leave to clean the explosions of snot and coffee that had stained everything.

  • 400 comments, DAMN

  • As in”

    Let’s go home.

    Hold on, I want to look at the shoes.

    But I’ve got a peeping turtle!!

  • elise*

    might as well pop the comment cherry…
    if ive been reading long enough to send gifts, i should grow some balls and say something…

    dear dooce,
    you’re so welcome for the tacky-as-hell onesie. im glad you guys liked it.
    your mention of it today made my head go swimmy for a second. swimmy like that time when i met rory cochrane, the b-star actor who played slater in dazed and confused, only your swimmy was a lot better because i haven’t started drinking yet today so i know its the real deal.

    love
    elise*

    and hello to everyone! to you and you and…not you…you kind of shkeev me out when i read you…and you.

  • IdiotTania

    I feel like an idiot, I commented twice, not knowing whether it posted or not.

    “Carry on”

  • KBBAW & CK – My husband calls it a “peeping turtle”

  • Yeah Jason! Keep the poops-a-comin stories coming people. Did I tell you how long this flight is? 14 HOURS! I don’t want to be a one-story wonder…

  • “crowning” beats my old standby’s:
    turtle head poking out
    touching cotton

  • I’ve never commented before, but since we’re on the subject of poop, I couldn’t pass up this opportunity to share this wonderful song with fellow dooce readers.

    http://www.overtherhine.com/music/mp3rarity/Poopsmith.mp3

    -Tania

  • Crowning!!! That is even better than “poking out”!

    I heard someone refer to it once as a groundhog – I guess that is in reference to a groundhog sticking his head up out of the ground.

  • That would be a very tough hobby for me. It would take a lot of athleticism for me to hold in one of my mammoth poos. I guess my little guy gets that from me.

  • I used to work with guy, who is, by far one of the funniest people I have ever known in my life, who turned to me during a team lunch and announced…

    “Dude, I’m crowning…see ya in a sec.” – And then promptly made his shuffle waddle directly to the men’s room.

  • No Amanda! That’s a bad Amanda!

    Get off of Dooce’s leg!

    Now, go back to your pillow. Stay!

  • I am never going to get anything done now that I have the smorgasboard of people’s blogs to pick from. Damn it all. How can I work when there are so many people I want to read about?

  • you could also try not to poop. that’s a legitimate hobby option 😉

  • Lala

    Nah – the sky would have to be green too.

  • I am sure you can do the story justice, Dawners. You can’t forget a story like that!

  • U.B.

    (sigh) No, no, that’s okay…

    It just means some of will have to look for a new hobby. Since I read dooce every day, it will have to involve pooping or snowboarding and I only have the athleticism for one of them.

  • “Middle-Earth Nazgul”…siiigh.

    * amanda b. clutches hands to chest and bites bottom lip as strictly platonic doocecrush blossoms… *

  • I just hope I can do the story justice.

  • I’ve never commented before, but since we are on the subject of poop, I felt this song was very fitting. Download it, it’s great.

    http://www.overtherhine.com/music/mp3rarity/Poopsmith.mp3

  • U.B.

    Katie — are you telling us men that our ‘pee-pees’ are *not* the neatest things in the world?!

    dang…

  • I’m sorry if I burst your bubble, U.B.!!!

  • I would be honored if you told my story of “It’s poking out already!” on an international flight. It is nice to know that my stories will be told at 30,000 feet!

  • But Katiebbaw – now this cousin of mine is like 24 and whenever I see him, I can only think of that story. Not a good conversation starter, no?

    I have a feeling that at some point during my upcoming 14-hour flight to Australia, the thought “It’s poking out already!” is going to pop into my head at the most inopportune time. I’ll be sure to share the story with my fellow travelers, all that will listen. Maybe I’ll stand up and make an announcement. Do you think that would go over well?

  • Thanks for the comments on my blog CK and Kalki. 🙂

    Metro ~ yep, born and raised in the ‘scrotum. Still here. Still bitching about the weather.

  • Janie

    Yay, Jay! I am totally rooting for him.

    The “Hodee Klum” and the lightsaber moves during the credits, were the highlights of the reunion show.

    I will miss PR when it goes. Sniff.

  • U.B.

    Wow, I just watched Return of the King a few nites ago and stopped it at the part where the king of the nazgul makes that un(middle)earthly scream as the army starts marching.

    What a *vivid* description that was!

    On a separate movie note; I just rented Sky Captain. What a piece of crap! The whole blue-screen animated thing was cool for about 5 minutes. Too bad they never bothered to put as much effort in the story or the dialog.

  • Dawners that is so hilarious! It is funny, yet scary, when little boys have that happen, because they just think it is the neatest thing in the world. And they don’t mind sharing it with the entire world. Although, grown men think their pee-pees are the neatest things in the world, so I guess they never grow out of it.

  • Katiebbaw – that story for some reason reminds me of my aunt telling about how one time in the grocery store, her son Kyle (about 5 at the time) yells out to her from another aisle “Mommy! Come and look! My pee pee is standing up!”

  • Hey all,
    I’m taking a break from the time-suck that is this Comments page. But wanted to share the link — click my name, hope that works — with an essay (excerpt below) on comparative & competitive pain. (Remember that recent dust-up?)

    With acknowledgements to Ms. Finslippy Herself, and apologies if someone else has already shared.

    < >

  • Hunzer, you’re from Minnescrotum too?

  • Yeah, my little guy is a riot. Now every time I have to take a poop, I think “It’s poking out already! Hurry!”

  • Hunzer: I just checked out your blog and almost had a HEART ATTACK because the love of my life was staring back at me. I swear just a few days ago I blogged about my Stamos obsession.

    He is HOT. God I hope he comes to me tonight in a sex dream.

    (Ah geez, now I said “comes.”)

  • “It’s poking out! Hurry!”

    Hahahahaha! THAT’S FUNNY!

  • Striz: “seriously almost took a picture last night of the coke/sloppy joe art that my son made on the kitchen floor. ”
    —–

    I’d like to take this opportunity to thank you from the bottom of my heart for NOT taking/posting such a picture. I would have to swear off sloppy joes forever.

  • UB & Circus Kelli – Excellent take on P.H. She’ll prob. get t-shirts made up with t-mobile shot of her on the potty and “That’s HOT” in bold underneath it all. I wonder if she’d do a cleveland steamer for money and-or publicity?

  • Southern Fried Girl

    MOLE.

  • My first post ~ Dooce rocks my face off! Keep up the good reads…gives me something to do when I should be playing with my kids. 🙂

  • Annejelynn said at 10:29AM, 02.23.2005:
    Man, it is alllLLL about the poop!
    always comes back to the poop!
    ——–
    Dooce: Where everyone comes to shoot the shit.

  • U.B. said at 10:47AM, 02.23.2005:
    Lauren — I think Paris Hilton probably pays someone to poop for her.
    ——
    “that’s hot”

  • Southern Fried Girl: That mole scene cracks me up everytime. I bought the DVD just so I could go directly to that scene over and over and over again.

    (Hmm, perhaps “cracks me up” wasn’t the best choice of words given the current topic of conversation…)

  • “regularly constipated”

    My new favorite oxy-moron…

  • Uh, yeah, Katie-be, my sistah…a horrifying Sophie’s Choice kind of moment.

    Who shall see my accident? Hubby or Doctor?

    A) Hubby: Will always remember this and may think of it during sex or argument…possibly use it to manipulate.

    B) Doctor might run out in horror and leave me to it alone then tell all his medical buddies about my shame so I can seek medical attention, nevermore.

  • There goes an hour down the tubes. I just wrote a blog entry about how even though my son (about Leta’s age) entered the world looking like Andy Sirkus (or however you spell it) as Gollum, he is a Nazgul. I might use it sometime, but not the same day Leta gets called a Nazgul.

    It is that exact same shriek, though. I blamed it on my husband for watching LOTR, all 3 parts, back to back with the son in the room.

  • Katie-be-bored: It’s not boring in Canada, it’s as Canadian as possible, under the circumstances.

  • Katie-BBAW — do you think you should really use the words “poop” and “flying colors” in the same post?

  • dooce, you compared your daughter to the nazgul. i *heart* you for the LOTR reference.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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