An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Patatomic rocks the ‘nana

  • Sarah

    Ooooooookaayyy, I give. Is it an apple or a donut??

  • TWO!

  • Dooce, you should post at silly o’clock more often – gives us Englishers a chance at the top 🙂

    I reckon it’s a big wadge of gum…

  • Nice. Bet he loves this photo.

  • “Do you like sea food?” (See food).

    “Sure I do.”


  • Clearly

    You really shouldn’t eat the yellow snow!

  • It’s a banana.

  • sarah

    partially chewed food?

  • wendy

    I just want to know if it’s going down or on it’s way out. 😉

    I’m in Forks, at one time known as the armpit of the world, but with age comes mellowing. It’s now home sweet home. Not in Europe, just the good ole USA & up laaaaate. Read nocturnal tot.

  • Matt in London

    The man is obviously an athlete…I mean, look at him….so it’s going to be a power banana…(possibly also given away by the reference to ‘nana’ in the heading…)

  • wendy

    Forgot to mention all of you Armstrongs rock.

    Thanks for the good times you add to life.

  • Leah

    The lure of being 12th to post is the ONLY reason why I’m succumbing…well, that and that 4th cup of coffee I just downed to finish my paper.

    Love the Dooce!

  • Henrykm_

    Q: What do you toss to a drowning lawyer ?

    A: His partner!

  • Wow, another late night? Mmmm … banana! That is what ‘nana stands for right?

  • Henrykm_

    Fresh from my shower, I stood in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts were too small.

    Instead of characteristically telling me it’s not so, he uncharacteristically came up with a suggestion.

    “If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds.”

    Willing to try anything, I fetched a piece of toilet paper and stood in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.

    “How long will this take?” I asked.

    “They will grow larger over a period of years,” my husband replies.

    I stopped.

    “Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?”

    Without missing a beat he says, “Worked for your ass, didn’t it?”

  • Good morning everyone! Top 20?

  • i think it might be a banana, but i really don’t want to know.

    the only reason i am here is i am still up. if i stay up past midnight, there is no telling when i will fall asleep. current time, 5:15.

  • Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
    He didn’t have any arms.

    Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
    He was dead.

    Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?
    Peer pressure.

  • Nothing like a man chewing with his mouth open to start the day!

  • ripziip

    Mm…I’m guessing Krispy Kreme.

  • ooops a bit slow. changing posting times now ay? its all good, as usual. 🙂

  • Q.Why did the fourth monkey fall out of the tree?
    A. He was tied to the third monkey.

    Yes that hasn’t gotten any less lame since third class.

  • I still can’t believe a self-confessed dork was allowed to take expensive photographic equipment on a ski/snow-boarding trip!

  • sim


  • I know exactly what you mean about the baby-mobility. I now look back on the time when my son was immobile as possibly the most peaceful six months of my life. Of course that sort of peace-of-mind is gone now for ever. Now its toddling and climbing and running with someones-keys-in-his-hand, next, snowboarding, bungee-jumping, fast cars, loose women and endless worry until the day I die. Pass the vodka!

  • kim

    okay now, that is gross. i feel for you, pat’s wife..

  • Bring back Leta! It’s been 12 photos since last we saw Leta, she could be dating by now for all we know.

  • p-hawk

    So early a time for the photos. *rubs eyes*

  • Michelle

    Looks like a ‘nana too!
    Well done on this fabbo site, tis 11.13pm here in the land downunder.

  • OMG!!!!!!!!!! He’s been taken over by the inexplicable urge to eat up BABY FEET! That’s where Leta’s gone!!!!!!!!!!!!!


  • Well, if Dooce had kept Leta’s socks on the feet wouldn’t have been so tempting.

  • You know, I’ve seen that exact same look on a $2 whore’s face. . .just before she *spits*

    Uh, I meant that nicely, of course.

  • Amy

    Is that the extent of what he can show his wife? Did he tear up the ski trails as well as he tore up the nanna?

  • this shit is bananas….

    sorry. that’s the only banana related text i can think of. i bet Pat’s wife wasn’t surprised.

  • also…what happened to the ickly photo icon thingy?

  • Susie

    Monkey jokes in the mornin’. It’s gonna be a good day.

  • Oh, Susie. . .you said the “m” word!

    I’m bananas for monkeys!

    (sorry, awful joke, and even worse when you remember that monkey=vagina)

  • Yes. Yes, I have used the word “vagina” here before 8 am eastern time.

    Let the games begin.

  • kim

    I agree with the banana guesses. Definitely chewed banana.

    You know how in elementary school, the teachers would always tell you to eat a banana on the big state testing days, because bananas are “brain food”? Is there any truth to that?

  • Susie

    Susie said at 01:55PM, 02.28.2005:
    I would just like to go on record once again as voting for “monkey” being used to mean: “any mammal of the order Primate.” We NEED to let monkeys be monkeys, people!

    Bucky, don’t make me send you pictures of my giant monkey.

  • ShooeGirl24

    Dooce, I love, love, love your site. I have been reading it faithfully at every lunch break since September. Great eye for pictures. I think Leta, Chuck and Jon are very lucky to have you as their family.

  • Susie, I’ll bet your monkey is not giant. Don’t be so self-critical, gurrrlfriend. I’m sure your monkey is *just* the right size.

  • Bucky, if Monkey = Vagina, then what does that do to all those guys who go around ‘spankin’ the monkey’??

  • Sarah — just wishful thinkin’ on their part.

  • bananas have a lot of potassium – when i first moved ot aspen, peolple would say to eat a lot of them to help your body adjust to the altitude.

    Then again, who is it who said – bananas taste the same coming back up as they do going down?

    must go get coffee…

  • BFE—LOL!

    You don’t miss a beat. You rock! 😉

  • I’m a monkey.

    Your a monkey.

    Wouldn’t you like to be a monkey, too?

    (Did I just call myself a dick? I usually leave that to outsiders…)

  • Good morning! Did anyone read that obscure report a couple of years ago that bananas are going to be extinct (relatively) soon?

  • donnaly

    Just curious as to how Bucky Four-eyes knows about the look on a $2 whore’s face before she ‘spits’? Inquiring minds want to know…??

  • Cristin

    Bucky Four-Eyes said at 05:32AM, 03.01.2005:
    You know, I’ve seen that exact same look on a $2 whore’s face…just before she spits

    Uh, I meant that nicely, of course.

    Bucky you definitely rock!
    bwah hah hah hah hah

    and kim – the teachers wanted us to eat bananas because, as many mom’s know, bananas are part of the anti-diarhea diet. Bananas and rice stop up a leaky kid, eventually.
    So for those of you who used to get stressed-induced poop spurts at school during testing

    should’ve eaten more bananas!

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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