An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Patatomic rocks the ‘nana

  • why did the fifth monkey fall out of the tree?

    Thought it was a race.

  • Cheryl

    Remind me to never make Heather mad so she posts a picture like this of me!!

  • I kinda wondered that, too donnaly ..

    What cost $2 anymore? There must be a KMart for cheap whores or something in Buckyville…

  • Cristin

    um, meant “stress-induced” duh

  • and now that my son has chicken pox and I have to miss uni and my mum can’t babysit because her girlfriend is in her third trimester I am groaning why oh why did I not get that immunisation? Lucky he has a mild case. I hope Leta gets happy soon.

  • ah, Cristin ..

    and I meant ‘you’re’ .. but I guess that is what I get when I think I am smart enough to ingage myself with other humans before consuming obscene quanities of caffine.

  • donnaly said at 06:20AM, 03.01.2005:
    Just curious as to how Bucky Four-eyes knows about the look on a $2 whore’s face before she ‘spits’? Inquiring minds want to know…??

    Guys, I have a mirror.

  • ew. i did not have breakfast yet and for some reason, i think i’ll pass…why is my stomach nasty? excuse me while i dry-heave. man, i better not be pregnant.

  • donnaly

    does it cost another two bucks to watch? ~blinks~

  • Is that a pineapple??

  • donnaly —
    It’s free to watch, but you must first sign a nondisclosure agreement, so that my trade secrets remain my own.

    Even a $2 whore like me has professional standards.

  • Oh, of course it’s a banana. Now that I’ve read the title for a third time. DORK!

  • Bucky your a dirty little $2 whore.

  • I just ate some stale Kix. BLECH! Good thing I made a back up cheese quesadilla.

  • Susie

    I’m very frightened. I’m starting to think like BFE. I started to type the reply about the mirror, but then I said, no, that’s mean. Is there a helpline number to call when you realize you’ve been hopelessly corrupted by the influence of dooceketeers? Is there a law against contributing to the delinquency of a blog-commenter? Bucky, you would be SO busted.

  • And busty too

  • donnaly

    BFE, nice to know there’s still some professional integrity in the world.

  • Let me see (puts on Sherlock Holmes hat), in the photo title it says, “‘nana”. So either Pat’s eating a banana or the last cooked up bit of his grandmother. I don’t watch all those damned CSI shows for nothin’.

  • I know this may not help right now Heather but if Leta is having the chicken pox now, be glad because she won’t really remember them and you’ll have plenty of cute adorable frog-princess Leta moments to pile on top of the ramming your head against the wall sans helmet moments. I didn’t get them until I was a JUNIOR IN HIGH SCHOOL and I was so miserable I wanted to die on a daily basis.

  • Maybe her ate her raw.

  • LMAO, Jen in KC.

    Striz — I’d be *real* busty if I just gathered it all up, y’know?

    Susie — Mum’s the word. You know that “three strikes” rule? One more violation, and they’ll take me to a place where my monkey will be violated on a daily basis by my overpowering cellmates and. . .and. . .

    I forgot. Why was I complaining?

  • You were complaining because Martha would be making cracker nachos talking about it was a good thing while you were violated.

  • The good news, Susannah, is that Heather _normally_ wears a helmut when ramming things with her head. And goggles.

  • Aaaaah, chicken pox. Had ’em mildly at age 7, thought I was done.
    Age 22: spotty face, flu-like symptons. Dr’s prognosis: chicken fucking pox. Full-blown chicken fucking pox. I have never been so sick in my life.

    And my lovely dad, rest his twisted pun-lovin’ soul, made sure to nickname me “Spot” and take lots of pictures. And he also made sure to show them to Jim, who I’d just started dating.

    I’m pretty sure it’s all out of my system now, but I’m *still* terrified to be around kids with the c-pox.

  • Your only supposed to get it once Bucky.

  • Striz — no shit, I was caught completely off guard when the doc made his diagnosis. I’d knowingly exposed myself to my pox-y nephews the week before, mistakenly believing myself to be immune.

    Oh, and for your information, Martha only makes the cracker nachos *after* she’s violated my monkey.

  • Martha is scary.

  • And don’t get snippy with me Spot.

  • Susie

    See Spot.
    Spot has two dollars.
    See Spot spit.

  • Susie, Striz, all I have to say to you two whippersnappers is:

    Gimme my money.

  • Ana


  • CgS

    BFE: If you get a mild case of chicken pox as a youngster, you can still get the virus later in life. And, I hear it’s always worse when you’re older. When my oldest nephew got chicken pox from the kids at school, she didn’t isolate my younger nephew from his brother. She wanted him to get it when he was still little. The poor little fellow was so happy that when he got the first few little dots because he felt that he was just like his big brother. After the fever hit though, he wasn’t so amused with the whole thing. But, he got a full-blown case of it and should now be immune.

  • is there really any time when it is inappropriate to talk about penises!

    i think not.

  • CgS

    Not that it matters, but “she” = my sister.

    will go back to lurking now

  • RE:#80

    I thought you said gimme my monkey

  • Striz, is that you clutchin’ my monkey?

    Leggo my labia!

  • Bucky were is everyone? Maybe is some more lurkers de lurked we could get this party started.


    Bucky, you got me coughing up cooter.

  • AndiMAC

    Dam, its after 9 am on the east coast and havent even passed 90 comments yet. You people are sluggish today. Happy March 1st!

  • My husband had the chicken pox twice. Once not so bad and then once really really awful about 5 years later. No good.

  • Cristin

    help….schools closed….two girls sniping at each other mercilessly…both clawing at me…ugh…help………

  • Susie

    Some of us must get to work. I am also taking my monkey in this morning for grooming. She’s terribly messy; spits and drools a lot.

    Anybody seen Dang Cold..?

  • Chicken pox is transmitted through the air.

    Skin vesicles contain the virus but are not the primary sources.

  • I am so sad to hear that Ms. Leta has the chicken pox. I had them when I was four and my sisters had them at the same time. I had this mammoth chicken pock smack dab in the middle of my forehead, and my mom had to put socks on my hands to keep me from scratching. My sister had a big chicken pock on her ass, which was hilarious because she was always scratching the hell out of it.

    Is it true that you get shingles from the chicken pox? I heard that if you got chicken pox as a kid you can get the shingles as an adult.

  • Susie — good luck with the monkey groomin’. They’re real pretty if you can hold ’em under the hair dryer long enough.

    Haven’t seen Dang for a couple of days. Lastest post on his site is Sunday.

  • Chickenpox and shingles are two diseases caused by the same virus, varicella. The virus is similar to the herpes virus, and to Epstein-Barr virus (which causes mononucleosis).

  • I’m callin’ you Doctor Striz today. You may diagnose my chronic pig-itis when I get back from having a smoke.

  • google dooce forum, offical and everything
    click my name

  • Ha! I’m sure he just *loves* this picture…

  • go there and say hi, we felt guilty, hoping to not crash the comment server again

  • Pete said at 02:41AM, 03.01.2005:
    “Do you like sea food?” (See food).
    “Sure I do.”
    – – – – –
    Heh, we’re trying to get our 2-1/2 year old to stop doing this, but that’s a tough thing to accomplish when we keep laughing at it.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

read more