An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation
  • Monique

    The brazilian comment was funny. Looks like Jon’s beard came off? First time posting. Love this Blog.

  • How awesome would it be if that was all Jon’s beard hair.


    How sweet would it be if Dooce shaved her head. Awwwww yeah.

  • I wouldn’t shave a dog in my bathroom. But then I’m not the DIY dog shaving type.

  • i think it’s jon’s!!!

  • K,
    Five things I’ve done that you probably haven’t:
    1) Won a “beauty” pageant
    2) Had sex on the sky tram at six flags in NJ
    3) Had sex in a conference room at Harvard University
    4) Told Billy Joel “you rock” on my birthday
    5)Held the artifacts from Blackbeard the Pirate’s shipwreck

  • TexaRican

    K: I second it…you ARE beautiful.

    And here’s part of my list, though it’s not as interesting as yours!

    1. Fixed my friend’s car that blew a belt on the way to Austin by using my pantyhose.

    2. Caught an open bottle of orange juice that a secretary knocked off her desk (a) before it hit the ground (b) without spilling a drop.

    3. Harmonized with Stevie Ray Vaughan’s nephew to an Aretha Franklin song while he played his uncle’s guitar and I cooked breakfast for his mom.

    4. Drove home the very drunk wife of the President of my company, who had been in a fight with the stripper her husband brought to our office party.

    5. Hung up on Raul Julia when he called our theatre office in high school because I thought it was a prank (it wasn’t).

  • That’s a whole lotta pubes.

  • 1. Held my son’s detatched foreskin in my bare hand.
    2. Had sex in the parking lot of the Federal Building in L.A.
    3. Interviewed Michael Jordan and Tiger Woods.
    4. Shown the internet a picture of my webbed toes.
    5. Been called a shit-eating cockmaster by my own sister.

  • JB

    Five things I’ve done that you probably haven’t

    1) Won a national rowing championship
    2) Had sex on top of a car in Key West while people walked by
    3) Played a show with Arlo Guthrie
    4) Graduated from Harvard Medical School
    5) Avoided being killed once and arrested twice in a span of five hours in a foreign country


  • me

    woah, now those are some pubes.

  • SweetSue

    Monique #95…

    Honey, I think maybe you failed to inhale… Try again!

  • Five things I’ve done that you ain’t probably done haven’t done:

    1) Had open heart surgery and facial reconstruction surgery in my first two years of life

    2) Taken growth hormone shots for three years

    3) Won a BPA National title for Novell Netware 5.1 network administration

    4) Gone to another country every afternoon for two months (Canada, I live in Sault Michigan)

    5) Been mistaken for a middle schooler in the past three days (I am a college freshman)

  • did anyone else think the thumbnail looked like a penis? just me? yeah, well, it’s very early in the morning…

  • gross! The boys in our house do the same thing with the hair in the sink. It’s gross then too. Leta looks so beautiful so I will forgive you for taking my breakfast out of my belly this morning.

  • 5 Things I’ve Done that You Probably Haven’t Done
    1. Called Connie Chung “Po Bitch” on the phone.
    2. Yelled “Pussy Please!” to a bunch of Japanese schoolgirls in their own language.
    3. Eaten a long, leisurely lunch with a girlfriend in a men’s club in London (without having a clue that we weren’t supposed to be in there).
    4. Gotten my nose nipped by Jack Frost, literally. (He’s a plastic surgeon in Maryland.)
    5. Been asked out by middle schoolers — twice — because they thought I was their age.

  • Kendra in T-Bay

    5 things: (not nearly as interesting as those already posted, but worth a try!)

    1. Single handedly leg banded and neck collared hundreds of Canada and Snow geese on a island in James Bay (Canada).
    2. “Commuted” to work in a helicopter for three months (while performing act 1.)
    3. Watched a polar bear sleep on the mudflats from 150m away (roughly 450ft).
    4. Washed my hair in the Athabasca River in the Canadian Rockies (I don’t recommend it, it’s freeeeeeeeeezing!).
    5. Rolled my eyes at my grade 6 teacher.

  • Leta alert – see bluromat’s site for cute pic.

  • who’s the victim?

  • So, it looks like head hair, not beard hair. I was thinking how good Jon looks with the beard. Maybe, if it’s too wild-n-wooly feelin’ for spring, he can give us – *gasp* *clutches pearls* a goatee? SWOON. 😉

  • Umm…..

    1. Pulled my own child from out of me.( as opposed to someone elses right)
    2. Vacation in Niagra Falls _and_ Atlantic City in the summer. And drive. In less that 5 hours.
    3. Squeezed my dogs anal sacs. (haha just kidding)
    3. Flown to New Mexico to buy turqouise jewlery.
    4. Camped in the mountains of South Dakota.
    5. Have to conversate with my mother EVERY TIME SHE CALLS about her wonderful new boobs.

  • dolly

    you’re mentioned cnn headlines on the roadrunner home page today for getting fired for your blog. naturally……

  • Wow!

  • dolly

    um, you’re mentioned IN the cnn headlines………

  • Ah, Mrs. Strizzay, I have done #4. I think I am the only one on earth whose family is actually FROM South Dakota (other than, I suppose, Sioux Indians), and I camp every summer in the mountains (if you can call them that) of good old SD.

    Also, I have never posted on before, but 1. I had to prove I had done something that someone else thought noone else had ever done and 2. I LOVE THIS WEBSITE LIKE I LOVE DIET COKE. And that is A LOT.

  • That reminds me of my horrible waxing experience last night. Although I had no where near as much hair as that!

  • Yeah Cassie but I am from NY.

    We took a train out and it was GORGEOUS!

    Thats when I told a couple of old ladies we were dining with my dad was a junkie. I seriously thought I had invented a new word for someone who loves candy a LOT.

    Hahah take that mom.

  • Strizz, you can’t claim #5. I have to conversate with your mother about her boobs every time she calls me, too. In fact, she’s been calling all of us. Say something to her, wouldja?

  • I think the saline may be leaking into her brain.

    I’ll see what I can do.

  • k ( apseudonym to protect the…)

    i love where these are going.
    in particular Texa rican – anyone who can fix a belt in a car engine with pantyhose totally gets my vote.

    Raul Julia – you HUNG UP on Raul Julia? Thats as bad as my Spike Lee story, which I totally didnt mention.

    and hey, Kendra – the closest I’ve gotten to geese is nearly roller-blading over them, and those damn tings are MEAN, so believe me, I’m impressed.

    JB- what instrument do you play?
    Jimmie – the Sault? daman youre braving some COLD weather up there. Alaska is warmer than the Sault in winter.

    hey Torrie – I made gowns for pageant contestants – does that count?

  • Five things I’ve done that if you have done them too then we should meet:

    Won an SF contest for making the best cappuccino;

    been mayor of a small town;

    owned and operated a B&B in an old brothel.

    ridden a motorcycle from Wall Era Berlin through East Germany to Czechoslovakia;

    written “F*ck you, Mrs. Nall” on my 2nd grade math homework.

  • Eric your a naughty naughty boy (super nanny accent)

  • Well, my father is from SD, but I didn’t grow up there. I lived in NH from first grade though my first year in college. NH and SD? I am sure you are all wondering how many of my relatives have married each other.

  • Five things? Hmmmm…okay, nobody said they had to be thrilling:

    1. Endured years of adolescent teasing for attending *Ferry* Elementary School. We couldn’t have lived in a different neighborhood?
    2. Performed a carnival barker act in my 1st-grade talent show.
    3. Gave Frank Zappa my underpants.
    4. Had sex in the stairwell of a fairly nice hotel in New Orleans’ French Quarter.
    5. Unknowingly wore two left shoes in my own wedding.

  • Cassie #125~ I am also a native South Dakotan still living and breathing in the great state!


  • Jon’s hair is gone!

    Who is Samson?

    From the New Dictionary of Cultural Literacy:

    In the Old Testament, an Israelite servant of God who pitted his invincible strength and his wits against the Philistines on many occasions. He was eventually betrayed by his lover, the beautiful Delilah, who tricked Samson into telling her that the secret of his strength lay in his uncut hair. Delilah cut Samson’s hair while he slept, and then called for the Philistines, who captured and blinded him. During his captivity, Samson’s hair grew back, and he eventually pulled the Philistines’ banquet hall down on their heads.

  • That bitch

  • Looks like maybe Jon is now scrumptious but sans beard…

  • Tom Jones

    Why, why, why, Delilah?

    My, my, my, Delilah!

  • SweetSue #112: I think I did inhale for two reasons.

    1. My lungs burned and I coughed like crazy the first fifteen times I tried smoking before eating the brownies,


    2. After eating the brownies, I did try smoking again and it worked immediately. Same technique, same coughing thing.

    I’m thinking maybe it didn’t work because my brain didn’t know what “high” was supposed to feel like. I could be wrong about this.

    Personally I prefer eating. Doesn’t hurt.

  • I’ve always thought that eating it was such a waste.

  • Kendra in T-bay- wow, you are awesome. Can I come hang out with
    you? That sounds like my dream job. Seriously.

    *throws bra at Tom Jones*

  • Tom Jones

    Thank you, Amanda, love.

    Anything else for me?

    Or do you have a request?

  • Tom Jones

    I can’t hold it back any longer:

    What’s new pussycat? Whooaa, whooaa, whooaa

    What’s new pussycat? Whooaa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh!

    Pussycat, pussycat, I love you, yes I do . . .

  • avey

    Things I’ve Done that You Probably Haven’t Done

    1. Sex on the steps of the Philadelphia Art Museum (where the Rocky footprints are) over looking the city at night.

    2. Pumped Ally Sheedy’s gas.

    3. Labor to birth less than 6 hours, first baby.

    4. Lost my front tooth a total of four times! (working on five times)

    5. Declined a job designing cartoon movie characters for MTV.

  • avey

    Ally Sheedy…
    from the Breakfast Club.

    I thought I would just say it now before I get asked.

  • Avey:

    Regarding your front tooth, I haven’t gone through that, but you’re lucky you keep getting it back. What’s your secret?

  • Avey, I have delivered all 3 of my children in 4 1/2 hours or less.



  • hey dooce, cnn just ran their “blog/fired oh noes!” article. are there any news organizations that haven’t run this story yet?

  • avey

    MONIQUE: The secret is money and an unwillingness to be seen in public sans front tooth.

    MRS. STRIZZAY: Ahh, I was sure someone had me beat! I just put it in there because lots of people seem pretty amazed with that amount of time. I was told that they are suppose to come faster each time – that scares me! What if one is stuck in traffic while in fast labor?

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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