Heater, Mother of Lance

The camera took this picture by itself, I just stood there

716 Comments
  • jp

    2005/03/10 at 1:45 pm

    Who cares what it’s called as long as it’s booze. Here helper monkey.. “coaxing with some cookies…

  • Ria

    2005/03/10 at 1:45 pm

    not to do with blackheads and zits-the fake Dooce belly pictures on the crazy ladies webpage have been pulled-yay!

  • Merdog

    2005/03/10 at 1:45 pm

    As you can tell, I don’t know much about wine, hence the fact that I’m drinking Merlot – so, what is Beaujolais? Is it drier or sweeter?

  • Henryk_

    2005/03/10 at 1:43 pm

    yes Merdog, beaujolais. No matter how it is spelt, it is still yummy wine!

  • Merdog

    2005/03/10 at 1:44 pm

    Me, I’d rather talk about cake and wine.

  • Merdog

    2005/03/10 at 1:39 pm

    Yeah, what IS it with guys and their back zits? Do they not exfoliate in the shower? GET A LOOFAH!!!

  • Merdog

    2005/03/10 at 1:40 pm

    You mean ‘beaujolais’ ?

  • Henryk_

    2005/03/10 at 1:41 pm

    Zits, blackheads, pus, the room takes another turn!

  • jp

    2005/03/10 at 1:38 pm

    Henryk I was all over the pound cake until I read of the puss bug. That’s just gross carson!

  • Henryk_

    2005/03/10 at 1:39 pm

    Merlot…no, but a good Boujelois

  • squirll

    2005/03/10 at 1:38 pm

    im more of a blackhead fan than a puss filled zit fan.

  • Merdog

    2005/03/10 at 1:37 pm

    Well, it’s after five, and I’ve broken out the Merlot – no matter what that guy in Sideways says.

  • Peter Hentges

    2005/03/10 at 1:35 pm

    To sum up today’s comments (so far):

    This one time, at bible camp, my cake lay out in the sun with some latino girls so long that it got all orange and crusty, so I peeled long strips of frosting off until I could get to the zits on its back and have my shaved monkey lance them with slivers from the rolling pin.

  • Henryk_

    2005/03/10 at 1:35 pm

    Pound cake?

  • carson

    2005/03/10 at 1:35 pm

    Once my brother had this huge zitty looking cyst on his arm. My sister begged him to let her squeeze it. He finally let her proceed with the picking and squeezing, and along with the pus and other grossness, a bug came out. That really cramped my picking style, but I do like to squish the husband’s back zits.

  • kristine

    2005/03/10 at 1:35 pm

    JP – I was singing the SAME song in my head when I saw the picture this morning!!!

  • lawbrat

    2005/03/10 at 1:34 pm

    sorry, 375…can you say dyslexic?

  • lawbrat

    2005/03/10 at 1:33 pm

    Circus Kelly #375…yes, I was cleaning him up…but laughing my ass off at the same time.

  • jp

    2005/03/10 at 1:34 pm

    who’s bleeding? Was there a drive by? Did I miss it?

  • Henryk_

    2005/03/10 at 1:28 pm

    ….lets do the time warp againnnnnnnn

  • Henryk_

    2005/03/10 at 1:29 pm

    yes…….more grog!

  • Henryk_

    2005/03/10 at 1:30 pm

    with or without cola!

  • Henryk_

    2005/03/10 at 1:31 pm

    Dook….what blood……did I miss something?

  • jp

    2005/03/10 at 1:32 pm

    She’s a brick hoooouuuuuuuuse….

  • Suzne

    2005/03/10 at 1:32 pm

    I haven’t read all the comments (I don’t have that much spare time) but the photo is obviously the corner of a brick wall. The painted edges are quite clear. How anyone could think it was a cake is beyond me.

  • jp

    2005/03/10 at 1:28 pm

    Listen peeps we need some serious booze up in here, cake can only get you so far, unless it’s rum of course. Where’s my damn helper monkey!

  • dook

    2005/03/10 at 1:27 pm

    i cried because of the blood

  • Henryk_

    2005/03/10 at 1:28 pm

    now I have music in my mind!!!

  • jp

    2005/03/10 at 1:23 pm

    sllllllide to the right…..

  • Henryk_

    2005/03/10 at 1:18 pm

    Let’s all do the timewarp….it’s just a jump to the leeeft…….

  • Henryk_

    2005/03/10 at 1:22 pm

    Maybe it’s going whacky because of overuse?

  • crazygirl

    2005/03/10 at 1:14 pm

    I am going to pretend it’s cake regardless.

  • jp

    2005/03/10 at 1:15 pm

    there are disco skaters on ellen, wtf? not only are the comments messed up, but we are in a time warp

  • squirll

    2005/03/10 at 1:01 pm

    the comments have been wacky since around 3ish e.s.t.

  • giggles

    2005/03/10 at 1:02 pm

    Yep, I’ve noticed the oddities going on with the comments. But, it makes for an even more interesting afternoon of deciphering.

  • Lucy

    2005/03/10 at 12:53 pm

    I’m late, but I think he might have been right about 3 and 4. He could have been more polite about it though.

  • juli

    2005/03/10 at 12:58 pm

    Nice detail.

  • JD

    2005/03/10 at 12:59 pm

    Anybody else notice the comments posting out of order?

  • Henryk_

    2005/03/10 at 12:44 pm

    CM = closet Metro? hehehe

  • jp

    2005/03/10 at 12:50 pm

    I don’t know it never occured to me. I always have weirdo’s come out when I’m pregnant. One guy said I was a “hot pregnant chick” and wanted to know if I would rent him my womb so he and his boyfriend could have a baby! Another man solicited me at a car wash to go back to his house because his wife was at work. Oh my god… I never put them all together. If you need me I’ll be in the corner rocking back and forth.

  • Spurious Plum

    2005/03/10 at 12:44 pm

    jp – iiiiiick. Is it too late to sue that dude?

    Squirll – Peeeling OTHER people’s burns is the way to go, no skin cancer. Hooray!

  • wanda

    2005/03/10 at 12:36 pm

    Imagine – John Lennon

    One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest – Ken Kesey

  • Lisalisa

    2005/03/10 at 12:31 pm

    Go Vols!

  • squirll

    2005/03/10 at 12:33 pm

    no. don’t burn. it’s so bad for you! put glue on your hands and peal it off…

  • Circus Kelli

    2005/03/10 at 12:34 pm

    CM – I knew you were around here somewhere! Nice to see your name here. Heh, I mean “Closet Metro”, not *your name here* .

  • jp

    2005/03/10 at 12:28 pm

    Strizz-you can still get all oiled up and lay with some latino girls if you want, just do it at night!

  • Annejelynn

    2005/03/10 at 12:27 pm

    1. I wish I could catch up on comments but I’m just way way way busy
    2. I too love peeling up the flaps of sunburned, peeling skin
    3. my first thought was not cake, but of cheese (for years my nickname was mouse)
    4. HEATHER, you should use this cyst lancing as an opportunity for receipt of full-service pampering from your lovin’ man – make it last over at least 3 days’ time
    5. back to work now
    6. did I mention I’m insanely busy?

  • jp

    2005/03/10 at 12:24 pm

    yeah, looking back he was always telling me I smelled nice. Ok, eight months pregnant, FREAK!

  • Strizzf-ingblah

    2005/03/10 at 12:24 pm

    I once got sun poisoning.

    * If your all white and stuff don’t rub baby oil all over your milky flesh and then lay in the sun with a bunch of Latino girls.

    MMkay.

  • Closet Metro

    2005/03/10 at 12:21 pm

    Tanks, CK. I missed it too.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

read more

SaveSave