An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

The camera took this picture by itself, I just stood there

  • yes poor beastie…for having to endure such horrid owners that never trained it…making it very difficult to tolerate. Thankfully the dog is with a new more responsible set of parents.

  • so this is what bricks would look like on Mars.

  • Kendra in T-Bay. . .

    Is it wrong that every time I look at your name, I think:

    Kendra in T-Bag


  • annabelle

    Once, a long time ago, when I worked at a day care center, i was sitting at the little kid’s breakfast table watching them eat their oatmeal and prodding this REALLY painful thing in my ear (which I later found out was a boil) and I pushed on it and I heard a loud snap and all of a sudden my ear was filled with blood and white goo. It was the single most satisfying moment of my life- except for maybe the green goo that came out of a large and hard pimple in an unmentionable area. I have since learned better hygiene and that after conditioning my hair it is important to wash the residue out of my ears. When I reflect on those two moments however, I hear the voice of Homer Simpson in my head- making that noise he makes when he sees a can of Duff beer. Can anyone figure out how to spell that noise?

  • Kendra in T-Bay

    OK, I draw the line at zits/boils on animals. I just feel sad for the beasties… (i understand the Newfie need it drained, but the poor thing…)

    Humans, that’s OK. Pick away into euphoria…

  • boils, pimples and cysts those type of picking stories… i don’t want comments closed for a day again….work is miserable without dooce.

  • how do you make a tissue dance?

  • back to cyst talk…by the way my ex husbands dog had a boil once, it was from an infected raccoon bite…I accompanied him to the vet to have it cleaned out. I was probably the most horrible thing that I have ever witnessed. Not only did they squeeze the goo out, but they didn’t give the dog sedatives beforehand, so it thrashed about on the table peeing all over the place. To make matters worse…this was not a small dog, easily controllable…it was a Newfoundland. I hated that dog.

  • Kendra in T-Bay

    Picking makes me happy.

  • pick, pick pick
    pick, pick pick
    pick, pick pick pick pick pick pick pick…….

  • I think that what Heather is doing is very brave, but can be a treacherous road. Her popularity has taken her out of the private sector and into the public eye. I am glad that she is witty and smart enough to get her points across without crossing lines, and for that she should be respected. Remember that there are many people “lurking” in the shadows ready to pounce on someone who is making a difference, or causing a ripple in still waters. Not everyone has to like what she writes, or represents. Being in the limelight has its price. I am just glad that she has so many supporters. Hoo rah for Heather. I wish I could be so bold.

  • I think in her post regarding Matt she made it fairly obvious which company he works for. At least I think I got it. I had to read it twice before it clicked.

  • Squirll #394: Sure! Which story would you like to pick?

  • can we get back to picking stories?

  • Laurie: What you are referring to is called slander. Libel is simply publishing information that damages or defames a persons character or reputation.

  • Perhaps she could just randomly post the company name in an entry sometime? The regulars should be able to figure it out and what libel would there be? Besides, liber infers fallacy and if he indeed referred to women as “liabilites” to any company that’s not libel. But I hear what you’re saying.

  • Peace, love and understanding

    Here, Paul, open up. C’mon, it’s gooood.

  • Laurie

    It is only considered libelous, if the information posted is a false and untrue publication of information that damages a persons reputation. (ie. One of the Olsen twins suing a tabloid for libel because she hadn’t been involved in a drug scandal)

    You can also not sue for libel against a ‘media figure’ without showing clear negligence on the part of the defendant.

    So basically, Heather has no worries about getting sued for libel. 🙂

  • clarification:
    and before anyone gets upset with me, I totally agree that the whole scenario was horrific..and he is a slimeball. I wouldn’t have had much self control and would have posted everything…thankfully Dooce does.

  • Paul


    (From the first Paul, the one with the original post):

    What an oddly authoritarian post you have there; it (frighteningly) might have come directly from our current administration. “Don’t ask questions. Don’t dissent. There ARE weapons of mass destruction, and if you say there aren’t then you’re a traitor; go away!!!”

    Hey, mine was just a simple question, and a brief comment. But if I offended, well, sorry.

  • Kristine — Blogger is being naughty again today with the comments, so I’ll say it here in the hopes that you’re still readin’ :

    Love your self portrait today! Shaun is sooooo sweet to write you love letters on the mirror. *sigh* Young love…

    Although, Jim does have zits on his back that spell out “Bucky Does Me Good”

  • Re: the whole Matt Jackson thingy…Fortunately Dooce has the good sense to consider the ramifications of libel… I am not sure she would want to be sued for posting all of his pertinent information on a public board for malicious intent. This is public…isn’t it?

    Oh and Mariposa: Doocebags…that’s hilarious!

  • You know its strange.. everytime I wear my monkey C monkey DO shirt there is mentions of shaving the monkey. I am now wishing my shirt said. C Monkey DO Monkey.

  • wheelomatic

    Kendra-I hear ya. I was in bed with a guy who rolled over and I swear there was a 3rd eye staring back at me from the middle of his spine! It was THAT big and all greeny-bluey like you said. I didn’t know what to do!
    I had only recently met him and didn’t feel right opening up the “may I pick you?” discussion yet but I sure didn’t want to cuddle up to that thing and risk it bursting all over my nekkid boobies. And part of me worried it was gonna stain the sheets if he rolled back flat on his back. I also couldn’t help wondering, “Doesn’t that freaking HURT?” “Should I tell him like you tell some one heir zipper is down?” “What is the etiiquette here?”
    Eventually I fell asleep but it was not a restful night, lemmetellya! I am pretty sure he got it with the backbrush in the shower the next morning.
    Sigh, the ones that get away……

  • Nice bricks.

    And a very happy FIRST BIRTHDAY to GABBY!!!! I have many of the same feelings you had when you wrote about Leta’s first birthday. Such a strange sense of bittersweetness a first birthday can be!

  • Pickers unite!

    once my boyfriend had a boil so large on his back, he wouldent let me get it. and i was so pissed off at him just for that.

  • Hey Ladybug, you care to post that comment again about Dooce wanting us here?

    hee hee. I swear she needs to update her FAQ to add that comment.

  • the other ginger

    Yay! All playing together nice again!

    Also, ew. Monkeys and picking and splintery rolling pins. I think y’all may have found a new low.

    Continue at will, all’s right in the commenty world.

  • Niffer #333: No, silly… that’s not her people, that’s her dog. 🙂

  • Nathan Logan: I think I watch too much Law and Order. Every time I see the name Logan, I think of Detective Logan, Chris Noth.

    *sigh* Someone pass me a wall of cake, please.

  • Dooce – you should start an official message board/discussion board at or something cause that’s what this comment thing is turning into. It certainly would make these comments easier to read. The photo related ones would stay here and the discussion could be moved. Just a thought. (also, certain posters wouldn’t freak/worry/whatever if you disabled comments now and then cause they could go post a message about whatever on the message board)

    Anyhow – delurking again to let you know that I HEART this photo – this is really cool and if it really was an accident, I don’t think the accident could be any happier. Great shot!

  • VenusManTrap

    Yes, Welcome Kait!
    There are 12 step books on the back table and doughnuts and coffee after the meeting.

  • I am going to print that and put that in my pocket. I’m also going to shove it in my Mom’s face every time she chastizes me for being a insane obsessive picking weirdo.

    Do we have letterhead yet? 😛

  • Great pic! Any chance of Dooce telling us the company where Matti boy works? The curiosity is killing me. And Heather is a much nicer person than I; I would have gone ahead and reported him to his employer.

  • Lawbrat #321: Only if you’re cleaning him up while you’re laughing… 😉

  • Damn. That was all centered and shit in my comment box.

  • If Shaun ( had his way my website would say, “I take photos everyday with my Polaroid one shot”

    I forked out the money for the bad boy though.

    OH, and speaking of cakes:

    This is such a neat blog!

  • Kendra in T-Bay

    When I was in highschool there was this guy on our swim team who had this huge blackhead/zit thing on his back and I couldn’t stop looking at it. It was greeny-bluey-black and I wanted to pick it soooooooooooooooooo bad.

    Sick, but able to accept myself and my sick ways

  • cat: homicidal maniac yes . . . scary? no 🙂

  • this is so bizarre. since when did cake look like brick?

  • ———————————–

    Hereby Certify That
    Is a Member in Good Standing

    This 10th Day of March, 2005


  • annakay

    the thumbnail makes me think of those dental hygeine warning photos of what can happen if you don’t brush or floss.

  • CK, Green???????


  • Venus #269: Hubby won’t let me. Which is probably a good thing.

  • Susie #260: It frightens me a lot *what* is in my head

  • Welcome Kait!

  • Now where is my membership card?

  • Venus #258: I once had the most disgusting ginormous zit on the freakin back side of my ear lobe! Only once, though, and I didn’t even know it was there, or what it was until I squeezed it and all this squicky icky green stuff came out. I was almost sorry I couldn’t see it happen. (Ever try looking at the back side of your earlobe in the mirror?)

    Fascinated and repulsed all at the same time.

  • Oh my god… re: the picking…

    I AM NORMAL! Or er, at least, other people are as equally nuts as I am. Well, there is safety in numbers I guess!

    I’d never cut myself or anything to get a scab, but I just cant leave them alone.

    Pickers Unite!

  • Nilbo #247: HAHAHAHAHAHA A-cyst-ant! LOL…

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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