Heater, Mother of Lance

The camera took this picture by itself, I just stood there

716 Comments
  • Laurie

    2005/03/10 at 9:11 am

    Lawbrat-
    I’m in my last year of law school, but I work at a firm here in DC.

  • Torrie

    2005/03/10 at 9:04 am

    Niffer, Your site won’t let me comment. I was going to ask if you are on Flickr?
    Click on my name if you would like to see my Flickr page.

  • Drama Queen

    2005/03/10 at 9:05 am

    Nilbo #347, first off, that comment cracked me up. Secondly, oh how true!

    (sorry if this posts twice. My computer’s possesed ya know)

  • Mariposa

    2005/03/10 at 9:02 am

    Uhh.. are all of us faithful Dooce readers called Dooce-bags?

    yes, first time poster..)

  • lawbrat

    2005/03/10 at 9:04 am

    I have to go to class, but this is so much fun! I wish I had a wireless card to take Dooce.com with me!

  • Drama Queen

    2005/03/10 at 9:04 am

    Nilbo #347, first off, that comment cracked me up. Seccndly, oh how true!

  • Torrie

    2005/03/10 at 9:00 am

    Bucky, here’s a recap:

    We started a “pickers unite” group

    AND

    I asked if I could borrow your rolling pin because I need to express my dogs anal sacs.

    Carry on.

  • Susie

    2005/03/10 at 9:01 am

    niffer, I do not pick, but it’s like a train wreck, here, just hard to stop watching!

    You know, in all the A-1 discussions that have gone on here, and the photographic evidence they have spawned, and whatnot, no one has discussed the fact that an A-1 bottle is SQUARE. Wouldn’t, say, a Lea & Perrins bottle be better? You know, square pegs and all? I don’t know the answers, I just ask the questions…

    And I really do gotta go now…

  • that-andrea

    2005/03/10 at 8:59 am

    Wicked cool abstract photo! I love that sort of thing. You should let your camera do that more often!

  • Nilbo

    2005/03/10 at 8:59 am

    ““Her people” had his tongue tied around another dog’s penis at the time.”

    You know how sometimes you hear a phrase or a collection of words and you think “I don’t believe I’ve ever heard those words used in quite that order before.”?

    The more time I spend here, the less that happens to me.

  • Kassi

    2005/03/10 at 8:57 am

    I like A1 on my French Fries not in my butt.

  • lawbrat

    2005/03/10 at 8:56 am

    #334…are you a law student or an attorney?

  • Circus Kelli

    2005/03/10 at 8:55 am

    Moxie #191: Now THAT’S funny!

  • cat

    2005/03/10 at 8:55 am

    Mark Johnson, are you a scary homicidal maniac?

  • Bucky Four-Eyes

    2005/03/10 at 8:55 am

    Okay, I’m back from lunch, and the rolling pin is now available for your dining and dancing pleasure.

    Oh, and for when that A1 bottle is just too ridiculously small to go up your ass and not disappear forever.

  • Mark Johnson

    2005/03/10 at 8:55 am

    niffer lol

  • the niffer

    2005/03/10 at 8:55 am

    Good one Susie! But wait, I thought you were grossed out and leaving. Just had to stick around, didn’t you Closet Picker?

  • Emily in China

    2005/03/10 at 8:55 am

    Does that happen often you think? Autographs. I mean.. I guess as lame as it sounds I’d at least want a picture with her. But I already feel horrible for logging on (does anyone call it that anymore?) every day just to read about the life of someone I have never (and will most likely never)met. So maybe I’d just put my tail between my legs and scurry off down the road.

  • Susie

    2005/03/10 at 8:52 am

    CK, that’s funny. She’ll change her blog to read, “My people take photos every day with a Nikon D70.”

  • the niffer

    2005/03/10 at 8:53 am

    s’ok Mark. That was an obvious typeo. 🙂

  • Laurie

    2005/03/10 at 8:51 am

    Actually, my own personal picking has ceased since I discoverd Bjore strips. There is nothing more fascinating then seeing the gunk that gets stuck to that thing.

    That said, back to reading briefs on the role of statute of limitations on cultural property cases involving south america. hurrah.

  • Mark Johnson

    2005/03/10 at 8:51 am

    Matta=Matt . . . blew the punchline

  • Torrie

    2005/03/10 at 8:52 am

    Niffer, will do. I’m desperate- it smells like a fish store in here.

  • Mark Johnson

    2005/03/10 at 8:50 am

    the picture:

    Matt Jackson’s brain . . .

    Matta Jackson’s brain on a word processor . . . any questions?

  • the niffer

    2005/03/10 at 8:51 am

    Not sure about that CK. “Her people” had his tongue tied around another dog’s penis at the time.

  • Circus Kelli

    2005/03/10 at 8:50 am

    Hayes #147 – Heather is FAMOUS. She can’t just walk around taking pictures herself anymore. Someone might spot her, and want their picture taken by her, then with her, then comes the autograph hounding thing…

    Perhaps she just had “her people” do it.

  • Susie

    2005/03/10 at 8:48 am

    I’m outtie. Ya’ll are just gross. Next thing you know, Bucky’ll be back passing out icecubes. BLECH!

  • the niffer

    2005/03/10 at 8:49 am

    Quick Torrie! Make one out of tissue paper and cardboard like we did in elementary school!

  • the niffer

    2005/03/10 at 8:48 am

    Good idea Nathan. Sorry for the gross fest.

    Lawbrat, I would totally laugh. You’re a good mom.

  • Torrie

    2005/03/10 at 8:48 am

    Niffer, BOTH OF MY CAMERAS ARE BROKEN. I am dying.

  • Torrie

    2005/03/10 at 8:47 am

    Another thing that made me think of you guys…
    My dogs anal sacs are leaking.

    They need to be expressed.

    Bucky, can I borrow the rolling pin?

  • Nathan Logan

    2005/03/10 at 8:47 am

    And by “getty”, I mean “getting”…

  • Emily in China

    2005/03/10 at 8:48 am

    ugh .. Chinese food

  • the niffer

    2005/03/10 at 8:46 am

    Torrie, take a picture!

  • Nathan Logan

    2005/03/10 at 8:46 am

    I skipped the last 30 or so comments after I started getty queazy (you people are _nasty_). After all, I am going to a Chinese place for lunch in 45 minutes.

    I think I’ll stay away from the Moo *Goo* Gai Pan.

  • lawbrat

    2005/03/10 at 8:45 am

    Ok, my 6 year old is home from school sick. He wanted to let his birds out of their cage. He’s watching a video, birds flying around. I hear a sound. A 6 year old boy says…OHHHHH… He got pooped on! on his cheek! Is it bad that Im cracking up over that?

  • Torrie

    2005/03/10 at 8:45 am

    I just picked one of my own for you guys. It most definitely hit the mirror.

  • the niffer

    2005/03/10 at 8:45 am

    No need to apologize, Emily. There is no such thing as prying here.

    Nilbo – I’m sorry to waste your diet Pepsi. My monkey, on the other hand, is not.

  • Emily in China

    2005/03/10 at 8:42 am

    Sorry. Didn’t mean to pry. I was just confused.

  • mrtl

    2005/03/10 at 8:43 am

    the niffer – others have picked up on it. it’s too late.

  • Circus Kelli

    2005/03/10 at 8:43 am

    B4E #111: This one time, at bible camp…

  • Nilbo

    2005/03/10 at 8:43 am

    niffer – “Ones that hit the mirror” made me spit Diet Pepsi all over my keyboard. I hold you and your monkey personally responsible.

  • the niffer

    2005/03/10 at 8:40 am

    Emily – my monkey isn’t Brazilian. Just a neatly trimmed Canadian.

  • Torrie

    2005/03/10 at 8:40 am

    anonymous

  • the niffer

    2005/03/10 at 8:41 am

    Sorry Mrtl. I shall quit post haste with the monkey talk.

  • lawbrat

    2005/03/10 at 8:42 am

    I’m loving it…Pickers Unite: The only requirement is that you love to pick and derive enjoyment when you find a really big one and he says ‘ok honey, make it quick’

  • Torrie

    2005/03/10 at 8:38 am

    Cat and Lawbrat, maybe we should start “Pickers Anonymus”. Although, I don’t really WANT to be cured so maybe it should be
    “Pickers Unite” ?

  • Torrie

    2005/03/10 at 8:36 am

    Niffer, I too thought of Dooce whilst trimming my monkey. She must be proud to know that people think of her when they are trimming their monkeys or are constipated.

  • Emily in China

    2005/03/10 at 8:37 am

    Monkey? Are we talking like a Brazilian monkey or an imaginary monkey?

  • mrtl

    2005/03/10 at 8:38 am

    the niffer, ix-nay on the onkey-may alk-tay; it angers some of the natives

    not like I’m trying to instigate anything

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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