An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Here, kitty kitty!

  • Cristin – Don’t hurl! We can coexcyst! What exactly should our next topic concyst of?

    The meaning of excystence?
    Music? (My favorit basscyst is David Grohl)
    How to subcyst oon nothing but mustard and golfish crackers for 3 weeks?

    I just wanna make you happy, Cystin!

  • kristine said at 08:42AM, 03.11.2005:
    It’s Friday!


    I got up this morning and checked my page and NO COMMENTS…I thought I was unloved or unfunny…and then I clicked “O COMMENTS” and I realized…


    Yeah Kristine, and I so wanted to post to SEVERAL of my favorite sites today, but evidently blogger thinks noe of you exist!

    BTW Kristine, thanks for the ‘adopt-a-blog’ My stats have gone through the roof. Since I can’t thank you on your own blog— thanks again! <3

  • oh Plum you got there first, oh well, I though I was smart for a while………

  • thanks for the hardest, loudest laugh i have had in awhile.

    your mouth.


  • Floyd

    Bucky! Excellent! Oh, and Heather, you need to use back-up for this whole cycle, ya know, not just a week. Yay for Jon, I guess, and YOU, if he does the right thing.

  • B4E and Plum and all of you that have probably started up about the cyst since I started my post:

    If you percyst, I will probably hurl and then go tell my mommy on you! How’s that for a 7 1/2 year old CK?

  • The juxtaposition of an entry about blowjobs and a picture of a dog with a big, wet, black nose is making me really uncomfortable right about now. 🙂

  • Spurious – HA! Keep ’em comin’! That is, until you get them out of your cystem!

  • Mammarama – You’re too kind, but if these compliments percyst, you’ll make me all narcisscystic.

  • amelia

    I bet John was so darn happy to hear the change in sexual adventures for the next week! I thought women gave that up after the wedding… Can you tell I am a girl who likes girls???

  • You cyst punsters are hilarious! I’m still working on coffee cup #1, and my brain is far behind you. As far as joking about oral sex with your mom – I couldn’t even imagine it. Of course, my mom’s a nun.

    Just kidding

  • Cyster Act – Back in the Habit

    Heather takes a look at her inperfections…and then takes it on the road!

  • mrtl –

    it would have made a good blog entry – “I have someone off the internet LIVING IN MY BOOB”

  • ewww. the bottom cystem?

  • Thanks for the asscystance, Bucky!

    Ha. Ass-cyst. Ha.

  • Danielle

    I LOVE CHUCK!!!!!!!

  • smacks

    bum bum

  • cat

    Goooooooder, you nasty, cystah.

  • cat

    I need to slay me some ovarian cysts.
    Oh, TMI?

  • ahahahahahahahahhaahaa

    well, there is also one other orifice aside from the mouth that is an option.

  • cat

    Dooce, The Cyst Slayer

  • You guys are killing me!
    I incyst. DAMN that’s funny!

    Soul Cysta

    That’s all, i’ll stop now.

  • Plum – laughing my cysts off!

    Susannah — Would you prefer Buffalo Cyst?

  • cat/Myrtle – Madden Round the Land

  • smacks

    Excuse me? I need some acystance here.

  • cat

    Okay Mr. T, um L? If you incyst.

  • Please, for the love of Uppercase GOD, no cyst pictures.

  • my cystem is so slow today.

  • Heather, you crack my ass up! All the time! of France !!!!

  • cat

    Twisted Cyster

  • domino – My name is not Myrtle… I am not your benign boob cyst. (That’s one for the list of random quotes, no?)

  • Right on, cyster.

  • C’mon people, cease and decyst!

  • smacks

    Show Me The CYST!

  • cat–you aren’t alone, I, too, am a Diet Dr. Pepper girl. I’m a pepper, you’re a pepper, he’s a pepper, she’s a pepper, wouldn’t you like to be a pepper too?

    (Hmm…that’s only marginally better than Buffalo Stance.)

  • I’m not kidding, either!

    mrtl, I just noticed your name! *scares self*

  • Lord help the mister
    Who comes between me and my cyster
    And lord help the cyster
    Who comes between me and my man

  • cat

    D’oh! Squish!

  • Squish

    “cyster, cyster”

  • cat

    Cyster Cyster
    She’s not fat, she’s my cyster
    Cyst This!

  • I have a benign lump in my boob called Myrtle…

  • cat

    Does everyone here spit-take Diet Coke? I’m a Diet Dr. Pepper gal, myself.

  • Bucky -You must recyst the temptation to make cyst jokes. People might get picyst.

  • Squish

    The chant goes up:

    “cyst, cyst, cyst…”

  • Can we name the cyst? Cyster Sludge?

  • smacks

    Go, Dooce! Your Mom knows how you are, so why act any diffent?

  • Conversation in my head:

    Heather: You want a picture of my cyst? What the fuck is *wrong* with you people? (camera shutter clicks madly)
    Me: Yes, we’d love it if you’d post a picture of it.
    Heather: Are you sure?
    Me: I incyst.

  • Squish

    Can we see a picture of the cyst?

  • OMG Dooce, how can you say such a thing to your mother?!! I would die if those words ever left my mouth in the company of my mother. You’ve got some big ‘ol balls there girly!!

    It is indeed a Happy Chuckles Friday, because I’M AT HOME instead of at work.

  • It’s Friday!


    I got up this morning and checked my page and NO COMMENTS…I thought I was unloved or unfunny…and then I clicked “O COMMENTS” and I realized…


Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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