Best way to roast the broomstick. Must try. Five Stars.

Little baby Stevie

  • Henryk_

    Reminds me of the time I was doing a gig in a bar in Perth…..sooooo dead!

  • Henryk_

    oohhhhhhhh…..a pic of an Eskimo Pie, or a papose!

  • eco2geek

    Hi, Henryk_, how’re things in Oz?

    Dumb joke:
    Seniors’ demand for Viagra created a demand for a sexual lubricant to meet their special needs. So the makers of K-Y jelly came out with a new product, “Oil of Old Lay.”

    Dumb joke 2:
    What do you call an optometrist in Alaska? An optical Aleutian.

  • This photo, like other baby photos, has the same effect on my ovaries as a strobe light would have on an epileptic person. Or something like that.

  • Henryk_

    A hydrogen atom walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, “Gee you look a little down. Is something the matter?” The hydrogen atom says, “Yes, I’ve lost an electron.” The bartender asks, “Are you sure?”

    “I’m positive.”

  • Henryk_

    Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh….the vine Jane, the vine!

  • can’t sleep – 3:34 AM…must read blogs 🙂

  • Hi Heather—Congrats on the award for writing, yes, you have the talent to write such that the reader relates and cries tears of laughter. Also your edit of photo subjects show taste. Caution though, your Utah Governor may take umbrage with your site being too “adult”. Keep up the great living. Passed your site name to ten friends–multiple many more fans like me and I’ll never again be able to post to you. Thanks for the tears today!!! S

  • I can just the Utah Tourism Board and their new slogan:

    Come to Utah. Have babies. You can never have enough babies.

  • Sarah M

    oh gosh. my ovaries. dancing. pleading. yes.

  • Henryk_

    Dancing ovaries…how,,,,um,,interesting!!

  • Henryk_

    Kel..I like your banner……North Head?

  • Thanks Henry!
    Yep it is.

    You seem to know Sydney very well. Have you always lived here?

  • bueler?

  • It’s oh so quiet now. I feel like the lone mouse. I love how I can leave for hours or even days and I don’t miss much…they are still making reference to the A-1 bottle. It’s like a soap opera.

  • SO cute. But THREE?! Maybe they should be trying the alternative mouth method. Heather, it is your duty to educate.

  • Heather

    Hey. I tried to email you. I couldn’t figure it out. But I wanted to tell you that I was watching the news. Fox news, it was Studio B with some dude. They were talking about being fired for your blog. They called it being “dooced” and neither of the two guys on there knew what it meant, but they knew it was some term internet junkies use for getting fired because of your blog. Just wanted to let you know.

  • dude, its dooce at dooce dot com, just not in those words

  • Happy almost birthday Greenthumb!

  • *SOLD*

  • And susie, you lovely thing. A1 bottle has round cap, I always thought that only that round end was used.

  • Night all.

    Listen, have you seen the mustard jars? Well *mine* anyway is HUGE and even if he is undercover gay and begging for some anal gratification that could be a bit much.

    Although the gay guy at work assualted me with a pepper mill. He *thought* I was someone else. MMHMMM SURE!

  • night bucky ford

  • Strizz, i’d buy your organic anal beadz.

  • Good night.




  • (Strizz – that’s livin’ on the edge, baby…the edge of Hemmorhoid Lane)

    (now REALLY night night)

  • poop shoot? I prefer hershey highway. My laundry’s done. Time to fold. Night cats.

  • night dang-o ate my baby

  • Night, Dang. g’night, strizz, bucky, Dr. JF, lurkers, etc.

    that bottle is square…there are lots of round bottles, why choose the square one…square pegs…

  • *WAIT BUCKY!!*

    What if the _testing process_ renders the beads weak and thus causes them to break????

    Like *how* do they test EVERY CONDOM??? By poking a hole in it?

  • What if I wove an organic set of beads made from black eyed peas and lentils? I have those. I bet organic people would buy them.

  • Mmm, corn pops. g’night, CanAmy, excellent work tonight.

    Bucky, the square beads reminds me of that thing that always puzzles me– A-1 is a square bottle. Am I the only one concerned about this?

  • That was beautiful and poetic, Matriarch CanAmy. *sniffle*

    Okay, I have to drag my pasty ass off the playground and go to bed.
    Y’all have a good night, and make sure you test those anal beads *before* you cram the whole thing up your poop chute.

    Night night.

  • I have a tattoo right above my ass that says “Exit Only.” There will be no anal beads going in through the out door.

  • “Bearing down”, that is a *hot* ass phrase. Literally.

  • And now it is ten of eleven and i must load up the dishwasher and lock the front door and climb into bed with my nightly bowl of corn pops.

  • See, this is why I never get any house work done. I am too busy doing good works for the people, spreading information about sexual aids and monkey shaves.

  • perhaps a meal of lentils before applying said beads would be helpful in case of breakage? As bucky says get everyone out of the way. Yelling CLEAR before discharge should be the rule of thumb.

  • CanAmy, YOU ROCK! I went looking, but I got scared and had to turn back!

  • I am going to do a PhD on the ins and outs of anal beads.

  • CanAmy, I’ll give you one free tip for your research: Don’t use square beads.

  • “Extraction is made easier (and more effective) by bearing down with the anal and pelvic muscles, as if going to the bathroom.”

  • They’re shiny and come in a rainbow of eye-popping colors, but these jewels are worn where the sun don’t shine.

  • If the anal beads break, get everybody out of the way and PUSH REAL HARD!

  • I should get a research grant for this.

  • yea, canamy, stizz knows THAT. but they’re broken and stuck. google THAT and report back to the class, please

  • ooh, this is good, Strizz. dooce as the sexual crisis helpline. anyone know what to do?

  • What do you do if the anal beads break?

  • man, now i have to go and google anal beads. BRB.

  • CanAmy, do you have pandowdy in Canada?

    Awwww, screw that – I *know* you have Cuban cigars!

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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