An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Happy Resurrection of Jesus Christ, WOOF!

  • *sigh*

    Am I the only person who was glad to see the comment section go?

    Dooce should put up a message board and be done with all of the comments nonsense.

    Maybe I am in the minority here, but I like to come by for her writing, her pictures, and her site. Not comments. And of course, I can just not read them.

    So I don’t.

  • Anon

    Then why leave one?

  • Bucky, you will hear no protests from me. Especially if you use the gag hankerchief provided.

  • Laura P.

    long time reader, first time commenter lol anyways love chuckie! happy happy bunny day

  • BFE – Grazie, bella, bella. Yet another activity that will inhale what little free time I have left.

    Greenthumb: haven’t we ALL had that conversation? it either happens a- before coffe or b – after far too many alcoholic beverages.

    Gumby: dude – put a cork in it. oh wait…you ARE the cork.

  • Yaaaawwwwwn!!!! ugh…Heather, no sane conversation should ever take place prior to being infused with caffiene. Speaking of which, who do I think I am trying to comment here without the same?

    Back in a bit.

  • Gumby

    mwb mmwwwwwfff MMMWWWWF MMMHHHMMMPPPFFF (sigh)

  • Em

    I heart Chuck! Happy Easter, Armstrongs.

  • Coskel, welcome to the Dark Side! And thanks for the link. 🙂

    Spoonie: I think no one is offering you a birthday rimjob because, frankly, it would be intimidating. I mean, c’mon, you’re an ass-area specialist, and the performance anxiety for amateurs would be crushing. It’s not that we don’t want to thrust our collective tongues in your nursie pucker, because I’m sure we all do, but we’re afraid you’ll start barking orders and just ruin the mood. But happy birthday anyway!

    Gumby: Back in my ass, wedge boy.

  • Ah…Henryk….later.

    Who on this list can identify THAT quote?

    No really, Henryk, I am the offical “What’s Opera Doc?” quotable around here…BTW< all, I have dipped the toe in the Blogger waters. Click on my name of just go to

    It will be about my radio show and the station – when I get it up and running later today, I will also have an archived broadcast from the previous week. Send me link to your blogs – I’m happy to link to them.

  • Welcome back Gumby. Are you sure you’re ready for a rimpeat?

  • Gumby

    spoonie, if you’d been where I’ve been, well, your birthday present will be CAKE for me…

    BTW, there are at least 2 Gumbies here; I mean, I know we were mass produced, but that’s weirds me out a little, you know?

  • HarryR

    Nilbo… are one sick dude……..good on ya!

  • Henrykm_

    I agree with Harry

  • Gumby

    Can someone help me out of here?

  • Yay! Comments! And Bucky being all tasteless and stuff (with her comments, I mean. She’s probably very tasty. You know, once you get past the crusty bits.)

    As for the picture: Mouse will be freaked out. If Mouse is still with us.

    And for eating Easter Bunnies: you people are sick, with your licking and “bite the extremities” and whatnot. Anyone knows the real way to eat Easter Bunnies is to carefully unwrap them, cradle them gently in your hands, smile beatifically down at them .. and bite their eyes out first so they can’t freak you out by watching you eat them.

  • Gumby

    spoonie, I’ll give you your special birthday present. I’ve already been…well, you know where I’ve been…

  • HarryR

    Eeekkkkkk…a dingo’s got me babeeee

  • I was afraid it was all a dream, but it’s not…comments ARE STILL ON!!!

  • HarryR

    aha……. what an interesting lot here

  • HarryR

    ..went who knows where!

  • Henryk_

    Sshhhhhhhhh…i’m hunting wabbits……hehehehehe

  • I never got a birthday rimjob on my 24th, dammit. When did they start giving those out?

  • I have to say, CHUCK LOOKS SO DAMN CUTE IN THOSE BUNNY EARS!!! And he looks genuinely happy to be wearing them. When I put antlers on my sister’s dog at Christmas, she looked at, shook her head until they fell off, and lunged at my jugular. I put a tiara on her once, though, and she loved that. I would like to see Chuck in a tiara.

  • Dr. J Fever’s comment had me pissing in my Easter britches. I can just imagine him, his hair frazzled and wearing a torn wifebeater, hiding in the shrubs at night with a broken beer bottle clutched in his fist. Waiting… waiting… waiting for those bitches to come home.

    By the way, who wants to give me a birthday rimjob? I’m TWENTY FOUR today!

  • Nighty night Doocelings.
    I’m off to dream about licking, A1, Gumby, and poop.
    Sweet dreams.

  • Hey kids. Comments! Yay! I am so ecstatic! I tried reading through all of these comments but got antsy when I reached the part about sticking things up bums and cutting off chocolate bunnies’ ears. I am just so excited!!! Comments!!!!!!!

    I am sure you are thinking – Katie was at work one day without checking Dooce? Actually, I didn’t work today. You know I always find time at work to check Dooce.

  • Bucky, nice dodge on that bolt! I know that I myself have to look up many of the large, filthy words tossed around so recklessly here.

    Why my own son has to help me with some of these things, or I would just be looking at dodo birds all day long…

  • Bucky? You? Innocent?

  • Sebastian

    Animal abuse. You’re going to make the poor old former congressman gay, Dooce. (And we all know how Utah congressmen feel about THAT.) What Chuck needs is a good ‘ol Superman cape or something so his manhood doesn’t feel betrayed. Poor nutless pooch. (Not that there’s anything wrong with gay . . . .)

  • Why Coskel, would you cast aspersions on my claims to wholesomeness?
    You know, that whole thing with the football team and the corkscrew notwithstanding.

    Cats and kittens, this ol’ bag has to cash it in for the night. Thanks again to Heather for turnin’ comments back on and givin’ us a nice peek at Chuck’s day-to-day trauma.

    Off down the bunny trail for me. Oh, Gumby, I love it when you get sideways!

  • Jessica, I know! The conversations in here shock and baffle me, and I can’t even find a lot of these words in the dictionary, so I’m not sure what these Gumby/A1 people are talking about most of the time. We innocents must huddle in the corner until the evil passes.


    YES! I am the champion lightning-bolt dodger!

  • Gumby

    at least help me wash up

    I’m supposed to pop into Peter Cottontail tomorrow

  • Of France!!!!

  • Whoa, don’t stop in for a few hours and when I come back its not about bunnies anymore, its about sticking things up your bummie instead. Dirty people! My poor virgin eyes!

  • Toni: LOL, that’s so evocative!

    Gumby: You had your chance for another assignment. But noooooo, you were too *good* to help me with my kegels.
    So now you got ass duty. Welcome to the dark side, my formerly green friend.

  • Just want to report that I am in Salt Lake City, where I ate a buffet at the top of the Joesph Smith building, where I saw the Temple and the paintings of Jesus ad infinitum and where I got thoroughly freaked out. Where I am STILL thouroughly freaked out. I find this place to be both sinister and attractive and that is a queasy combination–like seeing a plump red apple that you think might have a razor in it, but you still can’t help but want to take a bite.

  • Gumby

    ….HELP ME….I CAN’T BREATHE UP THERE…. (runs through……)

  • oh, now I see what BFE would have contributed to the Gumby Rorschach. Woulda been a whole different story…a whole ‘nother Oprah…

  • Oh. Ok. I guess that makes sense.

    And debutaunt, lol at your “first???” 🙂

    Top 400, woot!

  • OK, greenthumb, whatever, same question!! Why must you turn your head? (not like I have experience with such a thing…)

  • FIRST???

    Yo go, Chuck. Rock out with your doggy cock out.

  • I think so you don’t cough in their face, know…they are right there in front of you.

  • Um…they don’t have their finger there when you cough…they usually are tugging your ball sack.

  • Pop Tarts, now *there’s* a topic I can jump on! I’ve noticed an abundance of “new” flavors lately, starting with S’mores…then Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough, and Chocolate Caramel. slobber slobber slobber…mmmmmmmmmmm.

  • I’ve always wondered…why is it *turn your head* and cough? What makes that different from just coughing? Or is it just “turn your head so you don’t get embarrassed by the fact that my finger is up your pie hole”?

    Did I just write pie hole?

  • Hey, if Gumby didn’t wanna be up my ass, he wouldn’t have that maddeningly tapered head, that “shove me up your cornhole” look on his face, and the friendly wave that’s code for “turn your head and cough.”

  • Did someone say anal invasion???

  • me

    Heh, maybe you SHOULD be advertising for Pop Tarts, have never had the urge to buy some like I do now..

    Oy, the crawling stage. When my twins were starting (blessedly VERY late) I nearly lost it. Seriously. I was the queen of baby gates for good reason!

  • hmmmm…this is one um, area, that I just don’t know much about…

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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