the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Apparently he was also a speed reader in grade school. SPEED. READER.

“How do you like the book you’re reading?”
“It’s okay. It reads like it’s just begging to be turned into a movie.”
“I used to feel that way about Robert Ludlum books. During the 70’s I used to read them — ”
“Wait, wait wait. You did not read Robert Ludlum novels in the 70’s. What were you, 10?”
“I did, too.”
“No, you didn’t. You did not read Robert Ludlum novels when you were 10. Or 11 or 12 or 13. Maybe when you were 14 but that was THE LAST YEAR of the 70’s.”
“No, I distinctly remember the bookmobile coming around — ”
“Wait, wait, wait. WHAT? The BOOKMOBILE?”
“Yeah, the bookmobile.”
“What the hell is a bookmobile?”
“You know, a bookmobile.”
“No, I don’t know.”
“It was like an ice cream truck, but instead of ice cream it carried around books. Like… like a library on wheels.”
“Yeah, and I used to check out Robert Ludlum novels when the bookmobile came around.”
“That is simultaneously the most adorable and sad thing I’ve ever heard.”
[he begins tickling me mercilessly]
“Do you hear it? The ring of the bookmobile! It’s coming! Everybody outside! THE BOOKMOBILE.”
[tickling continues]
“THE BOOKMOBILE. I am so going to use this one FOR YEARS.”

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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