the smell of my desperation has become a stench

How to Annoy Me

Defile the sacred and holy Oreo by eating it all at once, you insensitive, uncivilized cad. You must first remove one of the crunchy chocolate sides by slowly twisting the cookie in half. Then you lick the virgin white filling until it has been completely removed using your teeth only when necessary and even then very delicately so as not to scar the tender inner cookie. And then, THEN you may eat each chocolate half one at a time. Slowly. This is the only way to honor the Oreo.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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