the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Nature vs. nurture, where nurture goes terribly wrong

Yesterday my father called to ask me why I hadn’t told him that my sister got a dog.


Turns out my step-mother pulled up my website a couple days ago and read that my sister had purchased a dog, after which she immediately called my father to give him the bad news. My father is not a dog person, or a cat or bird or fish or anything that requires you to witness its excretory activities person. He changed our diapers while wearing a hazmat suit.

My sister was going to get around to telling him about Bo, really she was, probably right about the time he showed up for a visit and then, guess what, Dad? We got a dog and he’ll be sleeping with you tonight!

I feel terrible about blowing my sister’s cover, and I asked my Dad, “I know you never thought you’d raise a Democrat, but is it worse knowing that you raised two dog-owners?”

He let out an exasperated laugh and lamented, “Not only did I raise a Democrat and two dog-owners, but my son, HE PLAYS GOLF. GOLF! Where did I go wrong?”

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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