Pillow talk

“How does mine sound?

“It sounds like, knuuuooouuuuggghhh, peeeewww, knuuuooouuuuggghhh, peeeewww.”

“It’s that fast?”

“Yeah, sometimes I wonder how you can consume so much oxygen while expelling so little carbon monoxide. But you’re asleep so I don’t worry about you passing out.”

“You mean carbon dioxide?”

“Yeah, that one.”

“Is it loud? You’d tell me if it was loud, right? My God, how often do I do it?”

“It’s not that loud, at least not loud enough that I can’t get back to sleep if it wakes me up. And, I dunno, maybe you do it every other night, maybe all the time. It’s not really a problem.”

“You wanna know how yours sounds?”

“Not really, no. I’d like to pretend I don’t ever do it.”

“Oh, come on. If mine’s not that bad then yours could be considered cute.”

“No, no stop.”

“Yes, it’s like a little whisper: gnauwwwwww, ssseeeuuu, gnauwwwwww, ssseeeuuu. It’s perfect. It’s the perfect snore.”

“Is it The Perfect Snore, starring George Clooney?”