the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Wax on, wax off

Yesterday afternoon while Jon and I were working Leta’s babysitter ran out of activities to entertain her — they had already taken apart the DVD player and disassembled a wireless mouse — so she stuck Leta in the middle of the room and showed her how to kick her leg in the air. As she swung her leg over Leta’s head she yelled, “HI-YAH!” and then continued various sound effects as she karate-chopped an invisible opponent near the wall. Leta tried to imitate the babysitter except her kick was less of a kick and more of a I’ve got a piece of toilet paper stuck to my shoe and I can’t shake it loose.

After we put her to bed Leta lay in the dark singing her ABC’s to Elmo for at least fifteen minutes. We could hear every note through the monitor in the living room, and after about five minutes of silence we figured she had fallen asleep. Jon and I looked at each other and nodded as if to confirm that she had finally settled down when suddenly a roaring “HI-YAH!” came echoing out the monitor through the house.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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