An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Before saying goodnight

“You look very cute with your short hair, so much younger.”

“You mean I look like a 12-year-old boy, don’t you?”

“No, like you’re 18 again. Except I saw those pictures of you when you were 18 and when you were that age you looked like you were 40.”

“That’s the most awful thing you have ever said to me.”

“You know what I’m saying. Those high-waisted pants! It was like you were wearing those to protect your chastity.”

“It was to ward off the evil spirits.”


“You would have been all up in my business when I was that age and you know it, even with my high-waisted pants.”

“Of course I would have been, especially if you were as half as sassy as you are now.”

“I was sassy, but I often repented of it.”

“You would have been terrified of me when you were that age, though.”

“Not at all!”

“Yes, you would have hated me and told all your friends that I just needed to grow up already.”

“You were immature?”

“Comparatively speaking. You were dressing like a 40-year-old.”

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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