Blurbomat: Why people think Utah is crazy
“The only agenda I have is to not legislate hate. And that’s what is happening. Even in small towns, the government should not dictate what is ordained of God.”

Mimi Smartypants: the bellhop is funky
“I get so excited in the Container Store — look at all those things! Meant to contain other things! I want to gather a large group of obsessive neat-freaks, feed them a mild stimulant, and then let them loose in the Container Store with the directive: ‘Clean up this mess.'”

Yogabeans: GI Joe 8 Inch Commando Duke
“Are you trying to balance on your fists? You have to have fists to do that, brah.”

Superheroes on the toilet

Tremble: How to Poison Yourself For Lunch
“Today I also got to see, very plainly, the small lump developing around my mid-section. I have not yet determined if it is benign… It’s small now, but I fear it could grow into what I like to call a ‘weed baby.’ (Check out lifelong pot smokers. Even the skinniest of them get a crazy second trimester weed baby. Skinny pot smokers eventually develop upper bodies that resemble a python digesting a mouse.)”