the smell of my desperation has become a stench


Blurbomat: Why people think Utah is crazy
“The only agenda I have is to not legislate hate. And that’s what is happening. Even in small towns, the government should not dictate what is ordained of God.”

Mimi Smartypants: the bellhop is funky
“I get so excited in the Container Store — look at all those things! Meant to contain other things! I want to gather a large group of obsessive neat-freaks, feed them a mild stimulant, and then let them loose in the Container Store with the directive: ‘Clean up this mess.'”

Yogabeans: GI Joe 8 Inch Commando Duke
“Are you trying to balance on your fists? You have to have fists to do that, brah.”

Superheroes on the toilet

Tremble: How to Poison Yourself For Lunch
“Today I also got to see, very plainly, the small lump developing around my mid-section. I have not yet determined if it is benign… It’s small now, but I fear it could grow into what I like to call a ‘weed baby.’ (Check out lifelong pot smokers. Even the skinniest of them get a crazy second trimester weed baby. Skinny pot smokers eventually develop upper bodies that resemble a python digesting a mouse.)”

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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