the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Litmus test

A few weeks ago I posted a photo of Chuck sitting by the side of our house in the snow. Never before has something on this website caused such concern, and since then I have received hundreds of email demanding that I turn his collar right-side-up and then post a picture of it so that the balance of the Universe could be restored. One person even sent me an email day after day to check up on my progress, had I corrected it yet? Is it fixed now? How about now? PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, FIX IT NOW BECAUSE MY RIGHT EYE WON’T STOP TWITCHING.

Others were concerned that the other dogs in the neighborhood would scorn Chuck, would make fun of him for wearing his collar upside down because that is the canine equivalent of wearing white tube socks rolled into doughnuts around your ankles. If Chuck wore his collar around his butt the other dogs in the neighborhood might notice it, but they don’t even notice that Chuck has a head, it’s so far away from the focus of their research.

Turns out you are all as OCD as I am, but I know my meds are working because I can look at this without feeling the uncontrollable urge to scratch imaginary sores:

GIRD YOUR LOINS, IT’S A CLOSE-UP:

Despite the upside down collar Chuck remains a functioning pet and this morning proved such by trying to eat the sprinklers:

He even tried to tackle the sprinkler head located directly beneath the car:

Promptly afterward I turned his collar so that it was facing the right direction. OR MAYBE? MAYBE I LEFT IT JUST LIKE THAT.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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