An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Litmus test

A few weeks ago I posted a photo of Chuck sitting by the side of our house in the snow. Never before has something on this website caused such concern, and since then I have received hundreds of email demanding that I turn his collar right-side-up and then post a picture of it so that the balance of the Universe could be restored. One person even sent me an email day after day to check up on my progress, had I corrected it yet? Is it fixed now? How about now? PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, FIX IT NOW BECAUSE MY RIGHT EYE WON’T STOP TWITCHING.

Others were concerned that the other dogs in the neighborhood would scorn Chuck, would make fun of him for wearing his collar upside down because that is the canine equivalent of wearing white tube socks rolled into doughnuts around your ankles. If Chuck wore his collar around his butt the other dogs in the neighborhood might notice it, but they don’t even notice that Chuck has a head, it’s so far away from the focus of their research.

Turns out you are all as OCD as I am, but I know my meds are working because I can look at this without feeling the uncontrollable urge to scratch imaginary sores:


Despite the upside down collar Chuck remains a functioning pet and this morning proved such by trying to eat the sprinklers:

He even tried to tackle the sprinkler head located directly beneath the car:

Promptly afterward I turned his collar so that it was facing the right direction. OR MAYBE? MAYBE I LEFT IT JUST LIKE THAT.

  • advancedsalad

    Your defiance has made my day. Now I’ll be able to look the receptionist in the eye and say: “No I have Not had my pass replaced yet. I am what I am.”. Thank you so very, very much.

  • Clearly he needs to be a victim on Queer Eye for the Straight Dog.

  • Oh, shit that’s funny. Don’t you love fucking with the crazies. I’m nutzo about some pretty random crap but lord, who gives a flip if chucks collar is right side up. I love that you taunted them. And his sprinkler eating is classic. Dogs, aren’t they great.

  • Kathy B.

    Dog collar doesn’t bother me one way or another — but, my dear, it really is cray-on! (Sorry)

  • Shelley Bonnechance

    Ew! Never mind about the collar – it’s the poop hole photos that have me flinching.

  • TripTikGirl

    I didn’t even notice the first time around…besides, who cares?

    I can’t believe you’d get “follow up” emails about this. It seems to me that Chuck is making a fashion statement!

  • Nat W.

    I’m shocked that it doesn’t bother me. Oh my God, maybe my Luvox really IS working?! Muahaha, I shall slay the OCD gods whether they like it or not!

  • Lenski

    Jeeeeeezzzzzz…. GET A BLOODY GRIP!

    Heather…. You need to set up a shadow Dooce site that just contains the best email you get each day regarding the audacity people think you have to make particluar comments in a post ON YOUR OWN WEBSITE

    Please do this for the world…. The general population will be sooooo much happier I promise!

    Ooooo…. Imagine the giggles!

    L x

  • Didn’t notice it till you pointed it out… now I feel a little weird in my tummy.

  • I think chuck should wear his collar however he likes.

  • ktjane

    collar appears to have been corrected by owner on 5/5/06 as shown in this image.

    exhibit a:

  • But, can you live with a toilet paper roll that’s backwards? Huh? Can you? Meds can help with upside-down dog collars, but I don’t think they can touch backwards tp.

  • WOW. People are crazy. I didn’t notice the upside-down collar and even after it was pointed out I was like, “So What?” (the same way that Simon Cowell says it on American Idol)

    Heather, I am really enjoying your column over on Alpha Mom – even though I am not a female or a mom, even though sometimes I am an alpha male. Sigur Ros, I listened to some of their stuff on iTunes, it’s interesting, soothing, and there is something subtle and otherworldy about it that makes me want to go into a deep meditative state and drink grape juice laced with poison.

  • Heather, have you no sense of pride? That poor dog is strutting around town none the wiser that his collar is, for the love of all that is edible, upside down! It’s… it’s… it’s just plain disgrac– (is overcome by giggles and cannot finish sentence or ridiculous line of accusation)

  • geekbruin

    heather, you absolutely made my day! and it’s been a long, miserable day, too. it’s amazing what a little sarcasm and a cute pet can do for the blood pressure.

  • Oh no! I wouldn’t have noticed anything till you said it. I get incredibly anal at the smallest things at time. No more caffiene for me!

  • You posts about Leta make me melt, your photos are fantastic, your posts about your struggles and courage inspire me but man ALIVE your posts about Chuck MAKE MY DAY!

  • If you are facing him and his head is bowed,the little houses sit just as they should…

  • spinsteraunt

    That is one cute freaking dog. I’m just sayin’.

  • Oh, man, there is nothing more fun than messing with an OCD person. My favorite is putting my shirt-tag OUT. Everyone HATES it when someone’s shirt tag is sticking out. Tag-hating people will approach and tuck in the tag of a complete stranger.

    So, Heather… are you a tag-tucker?? You can tell us… 😉

  • this just made me laugh so hard. and it hurt. because i am sick. but i am still laughing. those pics combined with your last sentence. tears. tears i tell you.

  • oh oh! raising my hand!
    i know the answer to this one!

    they have a strip of grass running up the MIDDLE of the driveway, do they not?

    check out this pic:

    i swear im not freaky for remembering-i just remembered, is all.

  • haha…too funny! i don’t know why people get all uptight about things like that…although i do have my pet peeves. 🙂

  • Nessacery

    I saw that Old Navy is looking for a new mascot.
    I immediately thought of Chuck,391086&clink=391086&affiliate_id=1a

  • jenlovely

    oops. now i feel silly. it shows how OCD i am. i didn’t even notice the arrows were pointing down.

  • And this is exactly why my dog’s collar has a pattern that runs the length, not the width. It looks the same either way.

  • jenlovely

    i don’t get it. which way should his collar be? tags down is the way our dogs always wore them. or should it be tags up? honestly, i like the tags to the side look best on chuck. i think it adds personality.

  • Okay.

    Tie the collar around his head with the tag hanging just behind his right eye.

    Then teach him to walk with a limp, grab his (existential) balls with one paw, and rap.

    Then rename him L’il C. There’s money to be made here, millions even.

    Probably from all the people begging you to change it back.

    Okay, i”m done.

  • Msyvone

    You mean those arent alien deer heads?

    My grandma’s Boston Terrier would always try to eat the vacuum cleaner, so Chuck is actually quite brilliant in comparison, at least he’s getting his daily water intake.

  • I am viewing this as a choice: I can make myself crazy over it, or….

    I can let go, and let Dooce.

    Hmmmm. New mantra. It might just work.

  • jes

    My favorite is the image of him staring at the sprinkler with water droplets spilling from his mouth, as if: “Damnit. It’s still spraying. MUST. STOP.”

  • Good for you. I applaud your pacifistways of protest.

  • namedphoenix


    Although I hadn’t even noticed it was upside down. Now, however, it will bother me to no end.

    Thanks a lot. =P

  • carissa

    I realize you’re probably exaggerating when you say “hundreds”, but it wouldn’t occur to me that you might receive ONE e-mail about your dog’s collar, let alone, say, ten. I guess people are WAY more freaky than I give them credit for. I didn’t even notice the collar was upside down. Now it kinda bugs me. But I’ll get over it. And I won’t write you to tell you about it.

  • Laurie

    If you look at the next to last picture under the front fender, you can clearly see that the car is parked up on the grass. So no sprinkler in the middle of the driveway, but instead a car parked up on the lawn.

    And that my friends, is my OCD moment of the day. Same time same place tommorow. 🙂

  • DDM

    *Snort!* Uh-oh. The Dogs-shouldn’t-drink-sprinkler-water People are gonna be all up in your shit now!

  • PinkPoppies

    Okay — now I know I need to get my eyes checked. I thought these were chevrons (decorative little ornaments), not houses. 🙁

    Sigh. Plus I am envious that you are now at a point where you can turn on sprinklers….. what’s next, a shot of Leta running gleefully through the water?

    on the foggy east coast

  • Meagan

    I thought they were pokemon. Man do I feel like an ass.

  • I wish my dog protected me from the sprinklers (if we had sprinklers, Oregon doesn’t believe in them…). My Aussie is afraid of the hose………won’t drink from it. You think it’s cause I sprayed him with it?

  • I didn’t even notice that it was upside-down. What does that say about me? I guess my meds are working, too.

  • Avid reader

    It’s not upside down if CHUCK is looking down at it. And isn’t he the one who counts? I mean, it’s his collar.

  • jcg

    The very fact that someone would take the time to email you every day because your dog’s collar is on backwards is

    I can only imagine what other sorts of mail you get.

  • Before I buy a puppy I am SO going to make sure he eats sprinklers, or something else that will be equally so entertaining to watch.

  • I like the upside-down collar. It looks like little evil robot faces.

  • Luv2Ballrm

    I did notice in the referenced picture….certainly wouldn’t email you about it. I just thought it was a matter of perspective (looking from behind vs. the nose).

    Keep up the good work….always make me smile when I read.

  • Bling Fatih

    I like the upside-down collar, too. Chuck rocks! is quite the site. I had no idea that people get this excited about their shit.

    “I can’t begin to tell you how wonderful I feel. I have been having the best bowel movements ever! […] My stool is about a foot long, if not more, everyday. It is amazing how good I feel, I can actually breathe better.”


  • In that original photo I think Chuck looks just like Santa’s Little Helper. What a handsome fellow he is.

  • That was great, I couldn’t help but laugh out loud at my desk… my coworkers think Im crazy.

  • I would like to see where it says which way is up and which way is down on that collar. I think the pattern works best the way you have it.

  • Does Chuck have an eating disorder? He is looking rather thin.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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