the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Washing our mouths out with soap

Jon: “Leta, what book do you want to read?”

Leta, pointing to the one tucked next to her bed: “This one, Daddy.”

Jon: “Harold and the Purple Crayon?”

Me: “That’s CROWN, Jon. Remember? Crayon is pronounced CROWN. So it’s Harold and the Purple CROWN.”

Jon, steam shooting out both ears: “GODDAMMIT, WOMAN. I really wish you wouldn’t teach her to speak like that.”

Me: “Leta, that right there is called IRONY. Except it’s pronounced ARN-Y.”

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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