Washing our mouths out with soap

Jon: “Leta, what book do you want to read?”

Leta, pointing to the one tucked next to her bed: “This one, Daddy.”

Jon: “Harold and the Purple Crayon?”

Me: “That’s CROWN, Jon. Remember? Crayon is pronounced CROWN. So it’s Harold and the Purple CROWN.”

Jon, steam shooting out both ears: “GODDAMMIT, WOMAN. I really wish you wouldn’t teach her to speak like that.”

Me: “Leta, that right there is called IRONY. Except it’s pronounced ARN-Y.”