the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Silver metallic flats

These are BC Footwear flats that I bought at Shoe Pavillion in San Francisco, but I’m not about to link to the BC website because IT RESIZES YOUR BROWSER. The only thing you can do to annoy me more than that? Maybe gouge out my eyes with the fingernail clippers you use to trim your nose hair? GroWLLLrrrrr.

Anyway. Maggie spotted these first, but they only had a pair in my size. So I bought them and took them home with me, and Jon was all, you bought elf shoes? Do we have plans to stop by a Renaissance Fair? And I said, trust me, they look really good on. So I slipped them on my feet and he was all, yeah. Elf.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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