the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Breaks out in a rash if fed anything

This morning while dropping Leta off at preschool, I noticed a large pink note taped to the refrigerator door as I opened it to put away her lunch box. I hadn’t noticed it before and so assumed it had been put there recently as a reminder to a new teacher about certain food restrictions. It read:

Child A is allergic to peanuts.

Child B is allergic to milk.

Child C is a vegetarian.


That’s my girl. I’m sure this is only the first of many times in her life she’ll have earned her name being written in all caps.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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