An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Three, two, one…

There was this one time when I asked a whole bunch of people if they would help me put together a book, some of them close friends, others whose work I had admired for years, and I remember one exchange in particular when this one guy said SURE! and the excitement I experienced was not unlike what I imagine it would feel like to impregnate Angelina Jolie myself.

That book comes out today:

the book

It’s called Things I Learned About My Dad (in therapy) and it’s a collection of essays about fatherhood from the perspective of fathers, wives, daughters and sons. I’ve written two of the 17 essays, one about my father and one about Jon. A few weeks ago I gave my father an advance copy of the book with the hope that he would read what I had written, but I didn’t say anything to him other than HERE IS MY HEART AND SOUL, DO WITH IT WHAT YOU WILL. I found out a week later that he had taken it home and used it to prop up a wobbly toilet. I like to think that I improved his life by those two inches.

The other authors are Kevin Guilfoile, Matthew Baldwin, Matt LaPlante, Alice Bradley, Doug French, James Griffioen, Greg Allen, Greg Knauss, Maggie Mason, my hot geek husband Jon Armstrong, Leah Peterson, Sarah Brown, Eden Kennedy, Gail Armstrong, and my man in Houston, Bill Farrell. I am eternally indebted to these people for their hard work and cooperation and for making this book such a spectacular collection of emotion: humor, sorrow, frustration, joy, and forgiveness. I won’t say which, but one of these essays completely transformed me, and I’m a better person for having read it.

Starting today the book is available at the following retailers:

Amazon
Barnes and Noble
Powells
Booksense
Kensington Books

On Thursday June 5 I’m going to be doing a signing at a local bookstore called The King’s English on 15th East in Salt Lake City. I’ll be sure to post more specific details as that date draws near and would encourage everyone to come and say hello even if you don’t want to bother with the book. I haven’t ever done a local meet and greet and thought this would be the perfect occasion. But be warned, I am known to bite. And suddenly break out into song.

I don’t think the publisher is sending me anywhere to do press or signings, but I’ve had a few requests from readers who wanted to know if they could send me their copy so that I could sign it and then send it back to them. I’m more than happy to do this as long as you include return postage (please send it to the address on my contact page), and what the hell, I’ll tuck a little extra something into the envelope. I promise it won’t be gross. Maybe.

Finally, I want to thank my editor Danielle Chiotti whose name should be right next to mine on the cover of the book given how much work she did to get this thing out the door. She is a superhero, and I can’t thank her enough for hanging in there with me. Also, my agent Betsy Lerner, who has been my tireless advocate for over three years. She has suffered endlessly, and I owe her a beer.

I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS IS OVER, THANK GOD. Fly, little book, fly!

413 Comments
  • thealchemist

    2008/04/29 at 11:40 am

    Congratulations!!

  • Jamie Butler

    2008/04/29 at 11:40 am

    How exciting!!! I just ordered a copy!

  • Rachel

    2008/04/29 at 11:40 am

    Congrats! Can’t wait to get my hands on a copy.

  • Elizabeth

    2008/04/29 at 11:40 am

    I just went out on my lunch break and bought it, and already can’t put it down!

  • Brandy

    2008/04/29 at 11:41 am

    Congrats! I can’t wait to read it!

  • D.

    2008/04/29 at 11:41 am

    Big congratulations to you! I pre-ordered a copy when you first spoke about it, and just yesterday evening I got e-mail from Amazon saying it had been shipped and will arrive by May 5. I can’t wait!!!

    Again, big congratulations!

  • Barb in Michigan

    2008/04/29 at 11:41 am

    You Rock! Congratulations and I can’t wait to get it and read it!

  • Michael Simmons

    2008/04/29 at 11:42 am

    A Kindle edition? Please? WITH SUGAR ON TOP!?

  • Rebellious Arab Girl

    2008/04/29 at 11:42 am

    COOL!! Congrats! I will look up the book on Amazon and order it! Better ship to Canada! I can’t wait! 🙂

  • grace

    2008/04/29 at 11:43 am

    You deserve a big congrats!!

  • Erica aka littlefirecrackr

    2008/04/29 at 11:43 am

    Congratulations Heather. I know you are excited for this to be done. Be sure I am sending a book for your autograph!

  • friendy furpants

    2008/04/29 at 11:43 am

    I’m working on getting my company to carry the book in our stores for father’s day. So if they do, you owe me big!

  • Melissa

    2008/04/29 at 11:43 am

    Awesome. I’m buying it this instant. And congratulations to you!

  • Chaser

    2008/04/29 at 11:44 am

    Congratulations! It probably feels like giving birth to a second child! Looking forward to reading it soon!

    All the best…

  • Alexandra

    2008/04/29 at 11:45 am

    Heather, this is more than a “little” book. You have shared important things, often disguised in humor that leave the reader thinking about what really matters. Thank you for sharing the person you are and your family with us, as you make the world a better place. Congratulations.

  • Mia

    2008/04/29 at 11:46 am

    Congratulations. I can’t wait to get my hands on it.

  • Erin

    2008/04/29 at 11:46 am

    Congratulations! I’m going on vacation tomorrow so I’ll go out tonight and buy it. I’m sure I’ll probably end up reading it all while lying in bed tonight and have nothing for the plane ride. Can’t wait! Congrats again!

  • Pretty Lush

    2008/04/29 at 11:47 am

    I’ve opened a new window for Amazon.com to drop the book into my cart. While it loads, I’m adding: Congratulations. I can only imagine the blood, sweat and tears that goes into such personal writing.

  • Shelly

    2008/04/29 at 11:47 am

    I orderd your book back in March when you mentioned it.. Cant wait to receive it.. after I read It I would love to send it to you for a autograph! Love the Blog so im sure I will love this book…Hurry Up May 5th!!!

  • Ames

    2008/04/29 at 11:47 am

    Congratulations! I can’t wait to read it!

  • Office Geek

    2008/04/29 at 11:47 am

    I think the Post Office will make you drop off packages in person, so just be forwarned that you won’t be able to drop them in a mailbox. I do think folks can pre-buy a priority-mail rate stamp, though. And recycling mailers is always a great idea. 🙂 Happy signing!

  • Emily

    2008/04/29 at 11:48 am

    I’m ordering it as we speak on Amazon. Can’t wait to read it.

    Emily

  • Tuli

    2008/04/29 at 11:50 am

    Wonderful news! Looking forward to reading this essay collection.

    Cheers!

  • You can call me, 'Sir'

    2008/04/29 at 11:48 am

    Just for you, I’m now going to learn how to read so that I can make it through your book (I only come here for the pictures).

  • Jaime

    2008/04/29 at 11:49 am

    I can’t wait!

  • Rachel

    2008/04/29 at 11:50 am

    I pre-ordered mine on amazon and can’t wait for it to show up. Congrats and please know that if I were in salt lake I would definitely come down to meet you in person, since you’re a part of my day, every day, when I should be working. Thanks for all your writing, especially the essays in the book that I can’t wait to read.

  • Amelia

    2008/04/29 at 11:51 am

    PUMPED you are doing a signing in SLC. Congrats on the book…and see you June 5th!

  • Jenn

    2008/04/29 at 11:52 am

    I promise to buy it AND not use it as a toilet prop.

  • Lyz

    2008/04/29 at 11:54 am

    I pre-ordered mine on amazon. I can’t wait!

  • Amy

    2008/04/29 at 11:55 am

    Congrats, Heather! I bet Chuck is jealous. All he ever got to do was make a calendar and here you are, with a BOOK!

  • bevskid1

    2008/04/29 at 11:55 am

    Was surfing Amazon and saw today as the release date. Congrats! You’re number 518 on the list of bestsellers and I just purchased mine.

  • Michelle

    2008/04/29 at 11:56 am

    I’m placing my order on Amazon today! Once my finals are over, I’ll be dedicating all my time to reading it.

    You have to get the publisher to send you to LA for a book signing!

  • Tammy

    2008/04/29 at 11:56 am

    I promise to read it ON the toilet! Can’t wait.

  • Rob

    2008/04/29 at 11:58 am

    #518 best seller on Amazon already! My order is going to help that out. I think I’ll help my two favorite bloggers out with just one purchase. Heather, of course, and then Steve at Sneeze.com by using his Amazon link.

    Congratulations Heather.

    Rob

  • RH

    2008/04/29 at 11:58 am

    Just ordered my copy…cannot wait! Thanks for all great reading material you provide us all everyday.

  • Kristie

    2008/04/29 at 11:59 am

    I just ordered my copy…before I read this. It will get a pass ahead of all those other books sitting in a pile next to my bed that have been begging me to read them for months and months. Because I feel like I KNOW you. And Jon, Eden, Alice, Maggie and Jim, all because I read these fantastic blogs you all write. Looking forward to a glimpse into the lives of the other writers in the book as well.
    I promise it will never prop up a toilet in my house.

  • Jeni Reno

    2008/04/29 at 11:59 am

    From one Bartlett graduate to another, Congratulations Heather! I am like a proud mother.

  • Leesavee

    2008/04/29 at 11:59 am

    I won’t read it on the toilet, but I’m sure my husband will. I CAN’T WAIT!!! So very awesome for you (and Jon). Congratulations!

  • Ray

    2008/04/29 at 12:00 pm

    yay! Congratulations! I pre-ordered mine on Amazon! I can’t wait to read it!!

  • Cyclingred

    2008/04/29 at 12:00 pm

    What’s with the B of M add on your site? Seems so unyou. 🙂

  • shaunacon

    2008/04/29 at 12:01 pm

    Congratulations!

    I am going to be patient and pick up a copy at the signing. Although, I can’t wait to read it and I do have a gift certificate to the Gateway that is burning a hole in my pocket. Maybe I will buy it then just get it signed later… I can’t wait to read it!

  • Kristi

    2008/04/29 at 12:02 pm

    Whee! I got an email from Amazon last night saying it was on the way, I should have it tomorrow!

    Congratulations, Heather. Very cool! I can’t wait to read it.

  • Enjolie

    2008/04/29 at 12:03 pm

    Yay! congratulations heather!

    just ordered my copy on amazon, can’t wait to start reading and laugh, sympathize, and lord knows empathize too.

    <3
    enjolie

  • mirela

    2008/04/29 at 12:03 pm

    Dear Heather,

    Your stories and pictures are my daily fix! You are by far, the best blogger on the net. Can’t wait to read your book, I’ll try to buy it today.
    Thank you for your wonderful writing!

  • Sandy

    2008/04/29 at 12:03 pm

    Hubby just asked what I wanted for my b-day tomorrow…nothing like waiting till the last minute. I told him a yellow cake with chocolate icing and your book. I’ve been attempting to pre-order FORever but never got around to it. Thanks for offering to sign, I will be taking you up on that. Congratulations!

  • Monica

    2008/04/29 at 12:04 pm

    I’m leaving to B&N to get my copy now!! You MUST come to San Francisco to do a book signing!!!

  • Therese

    2008/04/29 at 12:06 pm

    Congratulations, Dooce!

  • shaunacon

    2008/04/29 at 12:07 pm

    @Cyclingred – I think it is awesome about the Mormon ads showing up on here. They probably just are looking at statistics with the keyword Mormon and advertising on those sites without looking at which sites they are specifically advertising on. Which means Heather and Jon can get silent financial retribution for everything the church has done to them without the church actually knowing. Love it.

  • Elizabeth

    2008/04/29 at 12:08 pm

    Heather, please come to LA to promote the book! You know you want to! It’s a good excuse for you guys to return to SoCal and for your stalkers, I mean fans, to finally meet you.

  • Jessica

    2008/04/29 at 12:09 pm

    So awesome. Congrats, Amstrong Family – you deserve this! Getting my copy this week and can’t wait!

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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