An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Three, two, one…

There was this one time when I asked a whole bunch of people if they would help me put together a book, some of them close friends, others whose work I had admired for years, and I remember one exchange in particular when this one guy said SURE! and the excitement I experienced was not unlike what I imagine it would feel like to impregnate Angelina Jolie myself.

That book comes out today:

the book

It’s called Things I Learned About My Dad (in therapy) and it’s a collection of essays about fatherhood from the perspective of fathers, wives, daughters and sons. I’ve written two of the 17 essays, one about my father and one about Jon. A few weeks ago I gave my father an advance copy of the book with the hope that he would read what I had written, but I didn’t say anything to him other than HERE IS MY HEART AND SOUL, DO WITH IT WHAT YOU WILL. I found out a week later that he had taken it home and used it to prop up a wobbly toilet. I like to think that I improved his life by those two inches.

The other authors are Kevin Guilfoile, Matthew Baldwin, Matt LaPlante, Alice Bradley, Doug French, James Griffioen, Greg Allen, Greg Knauss, Maggie Mason, my hot geek husband Jon Armstrong, Leah Peterson, Sarah Brown, Eden Kennedy, Gail Armstrong, and my man in Houston, Bill Farrell. I am eternally indebted to these people for their hard work and cooperation and for making this book such a spectacular collection of emotion: humor, sorrow, frustration, joy, and forgiveness. I won’t say which, but one of these essays completely transformed me, and I’m a better person for having read it.

Starting today the book is available at the following retailers:

Barnes and Noble
Kensington Books

On Thursday June 5 I’m going to be doing a signing at a local bookstore called The King’s English on 15th East in Salt Lake City. I’ll be sure to post more specific details as that date draws near and would encourage everyone to come and say hello even if you don’t want to bother with the book. I haven’t ever done a local meet and greet and thought this would be the perfect occasion. But be warned, I am known to bite. And suddenly break out into song.

I don’t think the publisher is sending me anywhere to do press or signings, but I’ve had a few requests from readers who wanted to know if they could send me their copy so that I could sign it and then send it back to them. I’m more than happy to do this as long as you include return postage (please send it to the address on my contact page), and what the hell, I’ll tuck a little extra something into the envelope. I promise it won’t be gross. Maybe.

Finally, I want to thank my editor Danielle Chiotti whose name should be right next to mine on the cover of the book given how much work she did to get this thing out the door. She is a superhero, and I can’t thank her enough for hanging in there with me. Also, my agent Betsy Lerner, who has been my tireless advocate for over three years. She has suffered endlessly, and I owe her a beer.


  • Congrats!

    I’m so going to Barnes & Nobles today to check it out.

  • m


  • Congrats!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I’m willing to bet $$ that your dad reads it or is secretly in the process of reading it right now 🙂

  • Huge congrats, Heather! Awesomer than awesome.

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  • Ryan

    Congratulations, friend.

  • Congrats to you and all the contributors!! I met Leah at a gathering a few weeks ago. I was very quiet. I hope she didn’t think I was stuck up. I just needed more wine. Maybe if I send you my copy of the book to sign you’ll tuck some of your moxy into it? Hell, just rub it on your armpits and write “smells like Dooce spirit” on the sleeve. Thanks.

  • Congrats,Heather! I’ll be buying one for sure.

  • I’m so glad you posted this. I lost track of when it was coming out and now I can go and pick it up, just in time to fly off to vacation and enjoy it with a nice stiff drink!

  • LaurenE.

    I’m totally ordering a copy for our library!

  • karen

    WOO HOO!!! Congratulations! I’ll read it eventually, as soon as my local library orders it. I’m a cheap a$$ when it comes to books. Forgive me.

  • Congratulations, Heather…this is awesome!!

  • So. Freaking. Cool. Can’t wait to see the book and check it out for myself.

  • Wendy

    Congrats to you and all of the other contributors! I can’t wait to read it.

    I do want you to be careful, though, when you go to that book signing in Salt Lake City. I wouldn’t want any Mormons to toss their holy underwear at you. Be on the lookout!

  • Congratulations! Book ordered!

  • I just ordered a copy! I’m really looking forward to reading it given the more than awesome title!!!

  • YAY!!!! This is so great. Congratulations.

  • Lena

    Please do post more about the signing at The Kings English! I would love to come by and meet you! I am new to the blog, but already I am hooked. I look forward to the book.

  • Congratulations! I have been looking forward to your release announcement since you first mentioned the book – wonderful, wonderful news.

  • Lindsay

    Well done, you!! I can’t wait to buy a copy!

  • Sheryl Stephen

    Congratulations, and best wishes always.

  • Congrats!! Longtime lurker here, I just ordered a copy and I am thrilled. Kudos to you, your family, and all those involved. Be proud…you deserve it. <3

  • Kim

    AGGGGHH. I have been waiting for this day since you mentioned you were writing a book. I just got my copy, and I’m so busy at work, I might have to work overtime. Dammit, don’t they know I need to read Dooce’s new book??

  • ::Pats dooce on the back and hands her a special margarita on the rocks::

  • Just ordered a copy. I hope it sells like gangbusters. Congrats!

  • I have my copy to take on vacation . . . when I get back I’m mailing it for that autograph.


  • What an amazing accomplishment!! Congratulations. I hope it flies!

    Plan on signing mine, too! 😉

  • congratulations!
    And it’s okay if you put something gross in the envelope. Maybe I’ll send you something extra too

  • Congrats! Can’t wait to read it – ordering it as I type, well not really, but in just about 15 seconds…!

  • Lisa

    Congrats! Mine copy should be on it’s way from Amazon today………I’m so looking forward to reading it 😉

  • Maybe your publisher doesn’t think you need a press tour because you have such an internet following (and I did just buy your book online) but OMG – if you ever came to LA I would totally show up and buy another copy just to have you sign it.

  • Kate

    Congratulations. What an amazing accomplishment! Go litle book!

  • Vicki

    Ordered mine today. Can’t wait!! Congrats on another big accomplishment!

  • Congratulations! And please come to DC for a signing! My husband’s from Bartlett and will love it that you’ve got a book out. Father’s Day present for him!

  • Heather, no worries. With your fan base, this book isn’t just gonna fly. It’s gonna freaking ORBIT!

    NASA could take some lessons. 😛

    Congratulations! I look forward to getting my grubby hands on it and cradling it like a newborn infant while my boyfriend disowns me and takes the dog reading it.

  • Fly it will! Congrats. My copy is about to fly right across the country so you can sign it. Yipee!

  • I am so excited about this! I pre-ordered a copy from Amazon, and am SO EXCITED to send it to my bad for Father’s Day.

    I do hope you’ll come to DC for a book signing. I would TOTALLY come to buy another book…maybe for my stepdad! 🙂

  • How exciting for you! I can’t wait to read it…

  • T

    I’m sending you a virtual chocolatini. Enjoy your great success!

  • Isabel Kallman


  • Ann

    Congratulations! I’ll be buying it today! The title alone, I’m sure, speaks to many of us. Now, how ’bout one about the Moms?
    Looking forward to watching it climb the bestsellers list.

  • Ray

    Congratulations Dooce! I can’t wait to run out to Borders and overpay for it! Seriously, like many others, I have been waiting for the release of your book.

    And, if I send the book to you to have it signed, please do not send me any Polly Pockets stuff, or I will be forced to send you Thomas the Tank engine moisy toys. And, definitely don’t send Jon’s clogs.

  • Nicole

    Heather, I’m so proud of you! Think back on how far you’ve come and how much you’ve accomplished . . . my goodness!

    It’s been 6? 7? years since I emailed you asking for help on how to make one of those photo galleries you used to do. and I miss all the old posts you took down! I still can’t drive behind a mitsubishi without thinking “how about some blinker action, mitsubishi motherfucker”. And I hope you remember that, it was a former ‘currently thinking’.

    What I’m getting at is this – you are affecting people’s lives, in such good ways, and you should truly let yourself enjoy every good minute of it.

  • Looks like at least 93 copies will sell!
    …am going to put in a request to purchase here at the library I work at…

  • Erin

    I’m so so so excited for you and all of the writers/contributors. I will be purchasing a copy and look forward to reading it 🙂 Congratulations!

  • Am dying to know which essay it was now. You should have a contest. Winner gets… one of your featured prints. Or something. Something like those cute fox napkins!

  • Congratulations! Did you know it’s already available used?

  • anti-blogger

    I just love you Heather! You crack me up! Everything you say is just freakin’ hilarious. I wish your book well, and can’t wait to get my hands on a copy. I swear I won’t use it to sturdy a toilet, I’ll leave that to your family. But I can’t promise it won’t see the inside of my bathroom! *Yuck, Gross! Like you want to hear all the various locations your book will be in my house! Bleh!*

    I too think your photography is incredible. You have many talents. Thanks for sharing.

  • Awesome! Congratulations. Enjoy your momentary sigh of relief.

  • I asked my boyfriend to order it for my mothers day gift. He said he would. HE DIDN’T, so I just bought it! And now he has to actually think about what to get me 🙂

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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