An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Three, two, one…

There was this one time when I asked a whole bunch of people if they would help me put together a book, some of them close friends, others whose work I had admired for years, and I remember one exchange in particular when this one guy said SURE! and the excitement I experienced was not unlike what I imagine it would feel like to impregnate Angelina Jolie myself.

That book comes out today:

the book

It’s called Things I Learned About My Dad (in therapy) and it’s a collection of essays about fatherhood from the perspective of fathers, wives, daughters and sons. I’ve written two of the 17 essays, one about my father and one about Jon. A few weeks ago I gave my father an advance copy of the book with the hope that he would read what I had written, but I didn’t say anything to him other than HERE IS MY HEART AND SOUL, DO WITH IT WHAT YOU WILL. I found out a week later that he had taken it home and used it to prop up a wobbly toilet. I like to think that I improved his life by those two inches.

The other authors are Kevin Guilfoile, Matthew Baldwin, Matt LaPlante, Alice Bradley, Doug French, James Griffioen, Greg Allen, Greg Knauss, Maggie Mason, my hot geek husband Jon Armstrong, Leah Peterson, Sarah Brown, Eden Kennedy, Gail Armstrong, and my man in Houston, Bill Farrell. I am eternally indebted to these people for their hard work and cooperation and for making this book such a spectacular collection of emotion: humor, sorrow, frustration, joy, and forgiveness. I won’t say which, but one of these essays completely transformed me, and I’m a better person for having read it.

Starting today the book is available at the following retailers:

Barnes and Noble
Kensington Books

On Thursday June 5 I’m going to be doing a signing at a local bookstore called The King’s English on 15th East in Salt Lake City. I’ll be sure to post more specific details as that date draws near and would encourage everyone to come and say hello even if you don’t want to bother with the book. I haven’t ever done a local meet and greet and thought this would be the perfect occasion. But be warned, I am known to bite. And suddenly break out into song.

I don’t think the publisher is sending me anywhere to do press or signings, but I’ve had a few requests from readers who wanted to know if they could send me their copy so that I could sign it and then send it back to them. I’m more than happy to do this as long as you include return postage (please send it to the address on my contact page), and what the hell, I’ll tuck a little extra something into the envelope. I promise it won’t be gross. Maybe.

Finally, I want to thank my editor Danielle Chiotti whose name should be right next to mine on the cover of the book given how much work she did to get this thing out the door. She is a superhero, and I can’t thank her enough for hanging in there with me. Also, my agent Betsy Lerner, who has been my tireless advocate for over three years. She has suffered endlessly, and I owe her a beer.


  • sarah

    i can’t wait to read them! i bought a copy today, and when i’m done reading it will be my dad’s father’s day gift- yay!

  • Amanda

    Congratulations! What an exciting day for you and your family.

  • Jen

    Congratulations, it looks like a fantastic read!

    How about a signed book giveaway? No? Okay. Cool.

  • Drew

    As a father and a Dooce fan I will consider this a must summer read. Congratulations!!

  • How exciting for you! I can’t wait to go out & get it tonight–I’m looking forward to reading the essays of so many bloggers I’ve come to know and love (not in a weird way–maybe.) Congratulations on all of your success!

  • Ely

    Congrats! I can’t wait to dig into this

  • May

    I’ve only been following you a few months, but I must say your success couldn’t be helped. You’ve worked hard, your fans LOVE you (and your haters can go fly a kite); now sit back and enjoy that success. YAAAAAAY! Congratulations!

  • Christy Wood

    Congratulations!!! I guess this means my pre-ordered copy will be shipping soon (claps in anticipation!)! Like a true dooce addict, I will now have something to read in between your posts.

  • Lori

    I was going to say “Congratulations” but a bunch of people already said that.

    Then I was going to say “Enjoy your success” but I thought that could come out like a veiled threat depending on how you read it.

    How about “You did it! Be proud!!!”

    No…too corny…

    I like sandwiches.


    P.S. My Captcha was Topaz Men, which sounds like a band.

  • alex

    De-lurking to wish you my very best. Great job, Heather!

  • Sra

    Your dad sounds like a bit of a dooce-bag. No offense. If it makes you feel better, I’m planning to check out your book.

  • Michael Drips

    You’ll be THRILLED to know that Amazon doesn’t tell you if you have already pre-ordered an item, so due to my own lack of sense or awareness I am receiving TWO COPIES of your book today. Gah!
    Well I suppose I could donate one to the local library instead of returning it to Amazon. I can see the headlines now: “Mysterious Heart Attack Deaths of local elders linked to shocking library book!”.
    Yeah, the more I think about it, the library donation is a given!

  • We are really happy for you, and we are getting the book. Hope it does well.

  • L C

    Tip of the cap to you, milady!

  • sara

    Dooce done made herself a book.

    Hot dang!


  • Tomorrow is my best friend’s birthday. She is also an avid daily reader of yours. I’m on my way to the bookstore to get 2 right now. Congrats!

  • Shannon

    Congratulations Heather! I plan on ordering this in a couple of weeks and giving it to my dad for father’s day.

  • Her Ladyship

    Heather, yay on the book! I can’t wait to buy it (so that everyone can enjoy those sweet sweet royalties). It’s my little way of saying thanks for the entertainment through the years.

  • Ahhhhh! It’s out! Congratulations!

    You MUST come to Vroman’s Bookstore in Pasadena,CA for a reading/signing!! It’s the best little indy bookstore going. You would LOVE it – and it would give you an excuse to come play in the sunshine.

  • Emma!

    I have pre-ordered mine from amazon, but I have to wait another 2 WEEKS for it to be released in the UK!!!!

    Congratulations Heather, looking forward to more literary wonders!

  • larkspur

    Hey, Heather – good work.

    I’ll get your book from my local independent bookseller (I’m lucky to have one in the neighborhood: since it showed up as “in stock or available ASAP” in their searchable database. Book Passage has stores in Corte Madera and San Francisco, and they are all about the author readings, so even if you don’t get sent on an all-expenses-paid Book Tour, I know you sometimes come to SF, so you should read aloud when you do, kthx.

    PS: I like the cover. Tasteful. Not cartooney. Refreshing.

  • Nancy

    Congratulations, kiddo. You must feel like you’ve just given birth to an elephant!

  • Holy cow.

    I’ve just had a huge penny drop.

    See, a while ago you posted a picture of you with Bill.

    And a little while later I was in a store, buying something for my precocious 4 year old, ably assisted by a wonderful guy who looked REALLY familiar.

    Then I checked back on his blog and the picture of his sneakers confirmed it.

    It’s a small, small world. And now I feel like I’m one person closer to stalking you. (Just kidding)

  • Congratulations! Betsy is my agent, too, and I adore her.

  • Woo hoo!

  • That is awesome – I am very happy for you! I need to get a copy because I am afraid of therapy and I still have some learning to do….

  • I’m so proud of you, this is great! I can’t wait to buy and read this special book!

  • A very big CONGRATULATIONS to you! I’ll be swinging by Barnes and Noble after a visit with the family. I’m sure I’ll have trouble closing it until I’ve finished, and I CAN’T WAIT.

  • Over?

    This is only Book One!!!

  • Any book with Chucks on the cover is a book I wanna read.

  • Are you going to take all of your clothes off and run through your local town square again in celebration?

  • Katie

    Did you Dad REALLY use your book to prop up the toilet?????

  • Sarah

    I actually read that your were SINGING and I took a double take .. because, I recalled how great your voice was in your little webcam video the other day!

    I’m excited to read your book ..and, may just pass it on to my husband as a father’s day gift after ward! 🙂

    You’re a neat person, Heather.

  • Ash

    I’m so excited to get my hands on this book!!

  • Meredith

    I’m stopping at a book store as soon as I get out of work. I’m definitely looking forward to the book! I’ll also be buying a copy for a friend . . who enjoys your blog, but doesn’t get to check in too often. Can’t wait!

  • Congratulations on your book! This is really exciting.

  • Devon

    You are such a studmuffin! Go, Heather, GO! My first stop after work today is B&N to scoop up your book. Ohhhh, the excitement! *grin* Love your site, love what you’re doing. Keep it up, dammit. =)

  • Congratulations – such a great accomplishment and a fab group of contributors!!

  • First of all Congratz, and now that thats out of the way I had a very hard time buying your book at my local Barnes & Noble. For full story check out my post at the post is titled “She’s worth a Dooce”

  • Congrats, Heather! Excited for you! This book is going to be hah-uge. Can’t wait to get my copy and devour it before the dog does. Yay!

  • Theresa

    Congratulations! I pre-ordered a copy weeks ago, and cannot wait to read it. I’m sure I will not be disappointed.

  • Cara

    Kudos on a wonderful accomplishment! As a faithful Dooce reader and someone w/ a challenging (read: bi-polar) relationship with her father, I cannot wait to read it.

    The weather is nice in SF right now. Next time you’re here visiting friends, please consider a book signing. I’ll drag my sisters and lovely mother up for a girls day out in the city just to say hello!


  • Kelly

    AHHH! I’m so excited to read it! Congratulations…what a huge accomplishment!

  • I picked up my own copy from the office today (stupid mailman can’t be bothered to put it into our actual mailbox) and immediately plunked down on bed and proceeded to 1) smack my boyfriends hands away so he couldn’t read it first and 2) ignored the work I was suppose to be doing. Heh. Oops.

    Must say brilliantly done! I’ve flipped through and read your essays as well as Maggie and Jon’s. I’m very excited to read through the rest of it (graduation work be damned. It’ll still be there tomorrow) and will probably get a copy for my own father to show him while I’m a pain in the ass, I still care.

    Congrats Heather and Jon and everyone! 🙂

  • Tanya

    Congratulations Heather! I pre-ordered and am super excited to get it in the mail. A new book and a fun mail delivery! What more could a girl ask for!? Ok, lots, but this is a great start.

  • Anonymous

    I totally want to buy this book. It looks like I have to order it online, as it has not been released in my city yet.

    I love your cite.

  • Congratulations Heather. Now I look forward to your guidance and advice on how to manage the Amazon rankings emotional yo-yo fest.

  • I just saw your blog mentioned at the ProBlogger’s site because of a post there on “Mom Blogs,” so I decided to come by for visit. No wonder you have such a following! Your About Page got me hooked. Real, honest, and heart-generated humor in such a quirky mind is hard to find. Thanks for the laughs.

  • Ben

    Pure rockstar. Congratulations!

  • Mazeltov! I bet you’re excited the agony of getting a book published is over.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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