the smell of my desperation has become a stench


Jon and I were walking through Stanley Park in Vancouver on Monday afternoon when we stumbled upon this giant swan who was begging for scraps from tourists. I didn’t have any food in my purse, and yes, I know you’re not supposed to feed wildlife, just go ahead and stop composing that email you want to write that would tell me about the dangers of handing peanuts to squirrels, how it upsets the delicate balance of the ecosystem, I already know this. Help save the trees and don’t write that email because I don’t know if you’ve heard this yet, but I’d print out that email, ON PAPER MADE FROM TREES, and then I’d put it in my driveway and run it over with my SUV. And you’d be responsible for all that carbon.

Anyway, I didn’t feed the swan, although I did invite it back to our hotel for a game of chess.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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